dark angel9 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 I never ask guys out - I wouldn't have asked him either but it was kind of impulsive and felt harmless at that moment. To be honest, I expected him to accept a friendly drink and for things not to go further. It does bother me that he didn't respond at all, I feel like I am not worthy of even a response. As for feeling afraid to reject me, he has rejected me by not responding. Even worse, he kind of opens himself up to me asking him in person if he got my messages or something. Not that I am ever going to do that, but he doesn't know. It's just a spineless move on his side but I guess people are different. To make things worse, I am pretty sure he has told some people. His best work friend, who never spoke to me before is now grinning at me every time he sees me and attempting to make small talk (he is married BTW). So I am pretty sure that at least best friend knows. Cringing Link to comment
DN Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Look - this sort of thing happens to guys all the time so you have to accept that is part of the process. But don't let it put you off asking another guy and retreat into being a passive 'little woman' who has to wait until the big brave man asks you out. There is nothing wrong with being assertive without being aggressive, and you can be just as equal to a man in the romantic realm as in any other. Link to comment
Reflective82 Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 it being 2013 doesn't change basic biology....men like to pursue women for the most part, and if they are interested enough, they will ask you. It's better to preserve your self esteem and let guys come to you Link to comment
DN Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 it being 2013 doesn't change basic biology....men like to pursue women for the most part, and if they are interested enough, they will ask you. It's better to preserve your self esteem and let guys come to you Sorry but that's just plain wrong and comes from a very limited knowledge of human history and different societies and cultures other than recent Western-based, and even that has changed and is changing. Link to comment
Reflective82 Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I don't agree. Western culture is the most progressive if anything, and it isn't even done that much here. Link to comment
DN Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I don't agree. Western culture is the most progressive if anything, and it isn't even done that much here.Well, you are obviously not prepared to widen your education so there is little point arguing with you. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Rejection sucks but you miss out on 100% of the chances you don't take. I would prefer a guy to make the first move but sometimes they just don't...sometimes you have to take things into your own hands. OP, it's his loss. Don't let this prevent you from asking a guy out for drinks or something in the future. Trust me. Link to comment
alcide Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 sorry I know how u feel, but let it be , he probably just had a bad experience with women so he Is just not interested in any woman at the moment.. some people are more serious than d other... Link to comment
ChasingHope Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 If a guy wants to be with you, he will ask you out. So don't initiate with men in future x Don't ever NOT ask a guy out.....I think it's great you took the plunge. And just b/c one person didn't show interest doesn't mean there aren't a dozen guys out there waiting for you to ask them out!!!! Link to comment
ChasingHope Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 it being 2013 doesn't change basic biology....men like to pursue women for the most part, and if they are interested enough, they will ask you. It's better to preserve your self esteem and let guys come to you Nope--women AND men like to be pursued. I think she showed EXCELLENT self esteem by asking him out. I agree with DN--it is an antiquated notion that men should only ask women out. I have no problem asking guys out, b/c I have very high self esteem, even if they reject me. Link to comment
abysmal Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 It would certainly be great if women were more encouraged in our society to take the initiative.. Like others have said, I congratulate the op for being courageous, and I hope you don't see this experience in a disparaging light. I do have to insist that it does show to his character; there are a million was to be polite and cordial in saying, "no." Silence, in turn, would seem to me to be much more awkward. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 I do have to insist that it does show to his character; there are a million was to be polite and cordial in saying, "no." Silence, in turn, would seem to me to be much more awkward. Exactly! It's not his fault that he is not interested; I have no problem with that as such. It's just that his complete silence makes it awkward for me to interact with him at work when I have to. He could have made up any white lie: "I prefer not to date co-workers." "I have just started seeing someone" "I would prefer to not focus on dating right now" "I don't have time" etc etc. Now I feel like I have to avoid him Link to comment
ChasingHope Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Exactly! It's not his fault that he is not interested; I have no problem with that as such. It's just that his complete silence makes it awkward for me to interact with him at work when I have to. He could have made up any white lie: "I prefer not to date co-workers." "I have just started seeing someone" "I would prefer to not focus on dating right now" "I don't have time" etc etc. Now I feel like I have to avoid him You don't have to avoid anyone!!! Don't feel embarrassed (though I understand perfectly how hard it is not to). You know what? Adopting a carefree, "whatever" attitude will probably show him what a cool person you are and that one person doesn't affect your overall self confidence, and make him regret his silence and rethink his actions. But by that time, you will have most likely found a better guy Link to comment
abysmal Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 You mentioned you are/were friends on facebook... have the two of you gotten to know each other and spent much time together outside any obligatory commitments at work? Devil's advocate, I could understand if you were merely an acquaintance and I did not know you very well. However, personally, I would've responded. I know not everyone feels this way, but I would've given you a moment of my time. Brushing things under the rug only would add unnecessary tension, in mind. Link to comment
DN Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I agree rudimentary courtesty demands some sort of response but unfortunately rudeness is part of the process, sometimes a lot more rude than that. Link to comment
abysmal Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I agree rudimentary courtesty demands some sort of response but unfortunately rudeness is part of the process, sometimes a lot more rude than that.Agreed and it's absolutely true, however I feel we should all hold ourselves and each other to a higher, equal standard. Because no one individual deserves lesser treatment or to be ignored for a very thoughtful and polite gesture. I'd certainly be flattered, but I'm a bit more shy and humble. We all too often avoid conflict instead of expressing our feelings. I concur and would like to reiterate what other posters have said, OP, and be sure to have a face-to-face approach with the next guy who comes along. Avoid Facebook when it comes to initiation. And please maintain a strong attitude as ChasingHope has said. Great advice. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.