Trust

[bblurry03]

I am having a hard time trusting my boyfriend,who had left his wife to be with me and would keep going back and forth between the 2 of us for a year.He ened up getting a divorce and has shown he has been trust worthy!! but I have alot of anger towards him yet and is afraid he will break my heart!!any advice?

[if only]

Well if he left his wife to be with you I wouldnt trust him either

 

If they do it once they can do it again

[StartingOver]

I have been exactly where you are. My ex and I both went through divorces at the same time so we could be together. He ended up not going through with his and got back together with his wife. They broke up later and we got back together. They are divorced now and we aren't together either. He and I have gotten together and broken up 5 times. If he came back – what would make me think he wouldn't leave again?

 

I am not saying your guy hasn't changed – but let's be realistic – how often do people drastically change from the person they were before. Do you ever fear he is with you just so he won't be alone? Can you ever REALLY trust him again?

 

Perhaps you can – and perhaps you are just lying to yourself. Lying is a terrible thing – but it is so much worse when you do it to yourself.

 

I am still trying to get over my ex-boyfriend and it may take me a long time – but I have chosen that I will not let him hurt or lie to me again. You have to decide and choose how you want to feel – how you want to react – and how you want to live.

 

I hate to use the old cliché, but if he left his ex-wife for you – what makes you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you (after all he did go back to her). I say this because it was always in the back of my mind.

 

Just remember the basis of the Theory - Occam's Razor – the simplest answer is usually the most accurate. We often try to make things more difficult than they are in an effort to find the answer we want – instead of looking for the answer that is best.

[Vanilla]

He left his WIFE for you, you're just his girlfriend, chances are he'll leave you even easier than he left his wife. Men like that, IN MY opinion, never change.

 

And personally if he kept going back to his wife...must have meant he still oculdnt let go all together.

 

See thats the problem. People should wait for their partners to be fully divorced and completely separated to jump on the bandwagon, but no...

 

Im sorry to be so blunt, but I really don't respect men who go from wife to girlfriend from girlfriend to wife, and so on.

 

Did he do all he could to work through his marriage? did he have an affair with you? I'd like to know that, because a real man doesnt give up on his marriage, you work through until theres nothing else you havnt tried.

 

And well if he had an affair with you while he was married, well then thats your answer to wether you can trust him or not. Its that clear.

 

I really think you should think things through very carefully, you dont want to get involved in a big mess that will only leave you empty and heartbroken

[Day_Walker]

It seems that you have two problems that i can notice off the bat in your relationship; trust and relationship stability. I want to know why you would put yourself through him going back and forth between you and his ex wife, it is clear that he doesnt know what he wants and his going back and forth didnt help you emotionally. I suspect that you have issues about how exactly he feels about you. In this situation it is best that you know that there is going to be some paranoia because of how you two got together. I dont believe that there is anyway you will be able to settle this issue within yourself and completely get over this problem. My tip is for next time dont put yourself into this kind of situation, there are too many other guys out there to fall for one who has this much baggage.

[DBL]

Once a cheater usually always a cheater. Remember when you two were sneaking around. Well you already know what excuses he used when cheating on his wife with you. So if you see similarities like that, usually working late, gooing out with friends, etc...then he is doing the same thing to you.

 

I believe what goes around comes around.

 

DBL

[OceanEyes]

This must be tough for you to deal with. I don't think that I would ever be able to trust this man. I mean, when it really comes down to it, if he left his wife to be with you, why wouldn't something similar happen to you in the future?

 

Sometimes marriages don't work out. There's nothing wrong with both people going their separate ways. Staying in an unhappy marriage, or one that has been outgrown is a recipe for unhappiness and disaster. But, it's never fair for one person to develop relationships outside of the marriage. Once I had that ring on my finger, I would take the commitment seriously enough to try and honour it.

 

There is no easy answer to this. Building trust with this man may take years. I doubt that anything that anyone will tell you here will help you let go of your suspicions - this is definitely something that you will have to deal with head-on with him through communication.