StartingOver

I want to start by saying – Congratulations and GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I have been in an on-again off-again relationship for a year with someone. He left me to go back to his ex, lied to me, used me, and hurt me too many times to count. I still love him and it makes me so angry and confused with myself. Why do I still feel this way? I have tried everything – and I mean everything to get over him. Sometimes it seems to help and then I just fall down again. I realize that it is all a mindset. I have to choose to move on and want better for myself. He tells me that he still loves me and doesn't want to close the door on us – but what is that saying other than he wants me there just in case. I have been a fool far too long. I am just having a hard time building new hopes and dreams without him. I feel so weak. I am so glad you had the strength to move on. I admire you so for that. You are my hero if only for today.

I have been exactly where you are. My ex and I both went through divorces at the same time so we could be together. He ended up not going through with his and got back together with his wife. They broke up later and we got back together. They are divorced now and we aren't together either. He and I have gotten together and broken up 5 times. If he came back – what would make me think he wouldn't leave again? I am not saying your guy hasn't changed – but let's be realistic – how often do people drastically change from the person they were before. Do you ever fear he is with you just so he won't be alone? Can you ever REALLY trust him again? Perhaps you can – and perhaps you are just lying to yourself. Lying is a terrible thing – but it is so much worse when you do it to yourself. I am still trying to get over my ex-boyfriend and it may take me a long time – but I have chosen that I will not let him hurt or lie to me again. You have to decide and choose how you want to feel – how you want to react – and how you want to live. I hate to use the old cliché, but if he left his ex-wife for you – what makes you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you (after all he did go back to her). I say this because it was always in the back of my mind. Just remember the basis of the Theory - Occam's Razor – the simplest answer is usually the most accurate. We often try to make things more difficult than they are in an effort to find the answer we want – instead of looking for the answer that is best.

Someone please tell me what to do. My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for a month. This was the 5th time we broke up. I love him more than life. He says he loves me but he has a lot of issues he needs to work out and he doesn't want to hurt me again. I can't seem to move on. I have tried to date but I am just not ready. He acts like one day there might be a chance – but that he isn't ready for a relationship. He hasn't been out with anyone (yet) and says he has no desire to. He says that he isn't ready for a relationship – but that it would be selfish to ask me to wait for him. I love my ex so much. I can barely stand the thought of living without him. I have tried everything to get over this – therapy, hypnotherapy, books, prescription meds, prayer, crystals – I mean everything. NOTHING HELPS!!! I am at the end of my rope. I can't stand the thought of living the rest of my life without him. He is the only thing in this world I want. I have How do I move on????

I know exactly what you mean. The thought of my ex doing the single thing to find a new love makes me physically ill. It kills me to think of him with someone else. I wish I could just completely erase him from my mind. I have tried to date – but the thought of anything physical (even a simple kiss) makes me ill. If I can't imagine it for me, then how am I to imagine it for him????

First, you need to understand – it is better to be lonely than in a relationship with the wrong person. I know it hurts and I know you miss him. The man that I loved more than life recently broke up with me (after an on-again off-again relationship of a year). I still hurt, but I know that he lied to me and he could never be trusted again. He and I were together everyday – emails, phones calls, poems, etc… (he was very convincing). All of the stuff that people in love do – but I was the only one in love. He was just lying. If your Ex had really been in love with you – he would have wanted to make you happy (i.e. come and pick you up). Think about how you probably felt for him – you probably wanted to do things for him to make him happy – correct? When you love someone – his or her happiness contributes to your happiness. But you must not let it override your happiness. I understand your loneliness. I am lonely too. I have tried dating – but I am not ready yet or I haven't met the right person. I have done the online dating thing and get about 100+ emails a week. But quality is much more important than quantity. Please don't rush yourself or you will find yourself in a worse place in the future. I miss my Ex too – but you have to not always think about the "good things". Be realistic and realize the bad things he did too. Use this alone time to focus on yourself and fall in love with yourself again. And tell yourself – that you deserve someone who will treat you like a princess. If you don't take the time you need to face this, deal with it, and really let go – you never will. You must face it or it will come back to haunt you.