lost the love of my life...please help! reallly looong sorry

[lovelostlady]

this past week has been about the most horrible of my life. so I was desperate and looked online for "getting back together" and here I am.

 

here's the situation. I have been in a beautiful relationship for 1.5 years. he is my first real love, and the best friend that I've ever had. we actually we close friends before dating. we have never had any real issues until recently. we have always been unbelievably happy and thoughtful with eachother.

 

so about 3 weeks ago, me and the boy were having sort of a boring night together, no big deal. we just couldnt find anything to do and were both in sort of a grumpy mood. so he asks me "how do you feel about this relationship?", i said ok, except i wish we could see eachother more. he opened up to me and said that he felt really bad because he felt like he didnt know what else to give me in our relationship. he said he felt dried up. i told him that all he had to give me was his love and thats all i need and anything else we can work out. so then after a long talk he said that maybe it would be a good idea that we took a break. i was upset about this. but he assured me that he loved me and he didnt want to lose our relationship and thats why he was doing this. he needed time to think.

 

well the problem with this is that we work together also. and so we saw eachother at work all the time. sometimes i would try to act normal. but i kept getting really emotional and upset and he kept feeling guilty. oh yeah, and the day after we started our "break" he called me in tears, and he never cries. he was very upset and kept apologizing and saying "you know i love you, sweetie" and that he wishes he could understand all the things that went on his head and that he didnt want me to feel sad. i comforted him and told him it would all be okay and that sometimes couples need to be away from eachother to find out how much they care for eachother.

 

about a week later, his attitude seemed to change. he just seemed cold. it was weird and scary and out of nowhere. so one night at work i got really emotional. i just missed him so much as was getting tired of the whole break thing. he walked me out of work. we hugged. i told him i loved him, he said the same. but he didnt seem like himself. he was in an awful mood and seemed very stressed out.

 

so later that night i get a phone call. its him. he seems very upset. i get upset. so he just says hes going to come over and talk to me. so he did. he prefaced it all with "you know you're my best friend, my only friend these days really" i said to him "look at me, i know you cant look at me and tell me you dont love me", he said "you're right, i would never try to do that". then he got really emotional. he was bawling hysterically, he could hardly talk. and once again, he is not a big crier. he was very upset. he said he couldnt do it anymore, that he could give anymore. he kept saying that. that he had no more to give. i pleaded and said "i know you have more to give! you just dont know it". he kept saying "no!" he held me, cried, said that im the last person on earth hed want to hurt, that he loved me, that his feelings for me havent changed, that he doesnt want me to hate him. i said "god, i wish you could love me the way i love you", this made him very upset and he said "no! that isnt true! dont say that or think that". then he said that he wasnt erasing me from his life, that we'd still be best of friends and that we'd still see eachother. he called me when he got home and we talked a little more about it. then he said i could talk to him the next day. i woke up, feeling awful and i just drove over his house (probably not the best idea) and just sat there and cried. he didnt say much. he just sorta sat there. he told me it would all be ok. then we worked together that night. we acted normal for awhile. then i got upset again, he came up to me and asked "Are you ok". unbelievable. "no im not." he said, we'll talk about this later, nows not a good time.

 

so i couldnt stand it anymore. i wrote him this long letter where i told him everything i was feeling. it wasnt necessarily a beg to get back together. just a beg for him to think about things. because i know for a fact that he made the decision to break up with me the night that he did it. which i think is pretty rash. i told him in the letter that when we worked together again on sunday, i wouldnt act weird and that i wouldnt expect a response. that if he felt like responding that he could whenever he felt right. that we both needed time away from eachother to think about things.

 

having said that, i got upset yesterday when we worked together and i got no response. i didnt even get a personal goodbye when he left. he has to know im hurting. maybe he took everything in the letter to heart. and maybe he just didnt care about the letter at all.

 

I know he loves me. he told me time and time again. i cant help but think if things had went down differently the past couple weeks that this wouldnt have happened. honestly, i can think of times just like a month ago when we were together and happy and having fun. and i know i can make him happy. i know i have made him happy. i dont know whats going on with him right now. he has some things going on with his family right now. i dont know if it has to do with that. everyone i know was in shock when they found out, because we were just the perfect couple, like we were made for eachother.

 

so what should i do? everyone says its best to back off as much as possible for awhile. i say, hes my friend too i should be able to talk to him. but they say its a bad idea for now. i pray that he is thinking about things. i wish for a sign that he had been thinking about me and missing me. i dont know anything anymore. i feel lost. i cant eat, sleep, study. its the hardest thing ive ever been through. i love this boy more than anything. i cant let him go. i guess i just have to let him be for a while right? that if he wants me, and needs me, he'll come to me when hes ready? how do i act around him when working? help me please!

[Vanilla]

what you do is go about your life. he never gave you closure and that is not right. you don't go cry to someone and tell them you love them but can't be with them but that you love them but that its over. Thats just not fair to the other person.

 

There is something he isnt telling you. You just dont break up with someone even though you're still in love with them. He either fell out of love, (which does not mean he doesnt care about you), or any of the other reasons we all know of.

 

I know you want to practically crawl up in a hole and die right nwo. I know I have been there myself. But you need to put yourself together and face it. If my boyfriend of 1.6 years (currently) were to break up with me tomorrow I dont know what I would do but I know I would have to get myself up eventually and stop begging him to come to me. He chose to leave and him coming to you whenever he feels bad is not letting you move on.

 

Working with him will not make things any easier. But thats another step you have to work through. Ignore him. Smile around him, even if you are dying inside...JUST PRETEND! Right now he knows/thinks you are hurting and that you would give anything to have him back, so whats the hurry for him to consider anything? Show him what he lost. Show him you dont need him (even if you do as of now, its best he doesnt see it)..

 

As for the moment please keep yourself busy, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR LET HIM CONTACT YOU, it will just bring up more pain and confusion. Go out with friends, pick up a hobby, excercise, get away from this. Please don't give up on yourself, your life goes on, it does not stop because he left you.

[studmaster3265]

Hi

what your going through is really tought becuase i went through and still going through it. My ex and I were great, but it just ended becuase she said she wanted to take a diffrent path. I felt so horrible. Being a guy has its responsibilities you have to suck it up, but some come emotional. some show emotions. others dont even care. what i suggest is..... if you love him let him know. dont tell him becuase your actions speak louder than words. If you want him surprise him, dont let him see you cry becuase that just makes one feel bad. once you start making your way through his heart youll feel better about yourself and the relationship. trust me im doing the same and its working. Ive been with my ex for almost three years. real love hurts, real love keeps trying, and most of all real love forgives everything

[lovelostlady]

I figured all of this. I guess I just needed some people will experience to tell me it. its definitely the hardest thing ive ever been through. he was my life. my life centered around him. i never took our love for granted. i knew how lucky i was. he was always so happy when i was there, and i know he cherishes our time just as much as i do, our time that wasnt long ago. if it was all a facade, then i just don't know anything. i considered that maybe he simply had fallen out of love with me. but if theres anything i can say about him, its that hes honest. I can think of moments just like a month ago where we had a moment together where I was so aware of how much this person loved me. I just hate that the past couple weeks our relationship has been nothing but negative for him, and he doesnt see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that if i had even had one day in there where we went out together and had fun, the thought of breaking up with me would have vanished. how could he say so confidently a week before that he was NOT going to break up with me then do it? it hurts so much i dont know what to do with myself. i just want to talk to him. as a friend. he's always been there for me. he's always been my support, my backbone. without him, what do i do?

[d346]

ok, I've been through a breakup wiht a guy who got all wishy washy like that (we're now back together)

 

Honestly, the best thing you can do is to disappear -leave him alone, and avoid him. You've done everything you can, to convince hime otherwise, but it didn't work. I know you love him, and he obviously loves you. -But for some reason he's confused. We both know that the "I don't have anything more to give you" bit is ridiculous...but he is either confused or truly believes that. He needs to be truly alone to realize how silly that is. It may take a while, but let him figure that out (on his own) and he'll either come back to you (and if he figures it out ON HIS OWN, without you convincing him, he'll NEVER pull it on you again) or, if not, it's not meant to be -and you'll find someone who DOES have everything to give you.

 

I know you want to continue to see him, because he is your best friend. Just remember though...although he is not doing this maliciously, friends don't dump you. They don't disappear. A good friend shouldn't. (friendship can be an offshoot of a failed relationship, but not until after the wounds are healed-otherwise you just fool yourself, hoping he'll realize what a wonderful girlfriend you could be.)

 

Trust me, people get confused -but no matter how much you try to convince them -if it's not truly their decision y to salvage the relationship, they'll probably try to leave you again. You don't want to deal with that later.

 

My best advice to avoid him, and get angry! No one should give you up! Just remember to keep your head up and keep your self-respect. No woman should beg for a man. It should be the other way around! lol! -and trust me, if you keep your distance, he may...because apparently the feelings are there, but he's a little messed up in the head right now!

 

Cry to your girlfiends, retreat to your parents house for a weekend, rent women empowering movies. But around him, keep your chin up -just be civil when you see him. You don't have to smile and act like you're 100%...although it wouldn't hurt.

 

I know, it hurts. I wouldn't ask this upon my worst enemies. But trust me it will get better. Think of it this way...the more you hang on, and try to salvage a frienship out of it all, the more you prolong the hurt. He'll never figure out his crap...and you'll be prolonged in that horrible horrible limbo stage

 

good luck!

[Vanilla]

you cant smother him. i know how much you want to talk to him and be with him and cry to him and beg him to come to you but you just cant because if he doesnt do it on his own he wont no matter how much you cry. honestly, you'll just end up bothering him.

 

it hurts, i know i have been there to and you feel like you could just die right there and nothing else matters. but life does go on and the heart does heal even though it seems impossible right now.

 

i remember whenmy boyfriend broke up with me i didnt leave my bed for two days, didnt speak to anyone. he came back to me all on his own because he realized ho wmuch he loved me and couldnt live without me. THATS WHAT HE HAS TO FIGURE OUT ALL ON HIS OWN. you begging him and talking to him will only push him away.

 

And to be quite honest...and pretty blunt, you can not, no matter how hard you try, befriend him after a breakup while there are still feelings in the air. it just doesnt work like that.

 

take up your time, go out, do things...trust me it really helps

 

what he did was messed up and completely out of nowhere and just makes no sense, he needs to fix it himself. wether its ended for good or not you'll know with time, but until now center your life around you, which should have been centered around from the beginning. Maybe this will help you learn that you should always come first before anyone. Im sorry you're hurting, but this happens to everyone and you wont die from this, even if you feel like you are. Best of luck to you!

 

please keep us posted.