lovelostlady Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 this past week has been about the most horrible of my life. so I was desperate and looked online for "getting back together" and here I am. here's the situation. I have been in a beautiful relationship for 1.5 years. he is my first real love, and the best friend that I've ever had. we actually we close friends before dating. we have never had any real issues until recently. we have always been unbelievably happy and thoughtful with eachother. so about 3 weeks ago, me and the boy were having sort of a boring night together, no big deal. we just couldnt find anything to do and were both in sort of a grumpy mood. so he asks me "how do you feel about this relationship?", i said ok, except i wish we could see eachother more. he opened up to me and said that he felt really bad because he felt like he didnt know what else to give me in our relationship. he said he felt dried up. i told him that all he had to give me was his love and thats all i need and anything else we can work out. so then after a long talk he said that maybe it would be a good idea that we took a break. i was upset about this. but he assured me that he loved me and he didnt want to lose our relationship and thats why he was doing this. he needed time to think. well the problem with this is that we work together also. and so we saw eachother at work all the time. sometimes i would try to act normal. but i kept getting really emotional and upset and he kept feeling guilty. oh yeah, and the day after we started our "break" he called me in tears, and he never cries. he was very upset and kept apologizing and saying "you know i love you, sweetie" and that he wishes he could understand all the things that went on his head and that he didnt want me to feel sad. i comforted him and told him it would all be okay and that sometimes couples need to be away from eachother to find out how much they care for eachother. about a week later, his attitude seemed to change. he just seemed cold. it was weird and scary and out of nowhere. so one night at work i got really emotional. i just missed him so much as was getting tired of the whole break thing. he walked me out of work. we hugged. i told him i loved him, he said the same. but he didnt seem like himself. he was in an awful mood and seemed very stressed out. so later that night i get a phone call. its him. he seems very upset. i get upset. so he just says hes going to come over and talk to me. so he did. he prefaced it all with "you know you're my best friend, my only friend these days really" i said to him "look at me, i know you cant look at me and tell me you dont love me", he said "you're right, i would never try to do that". then he got really emotional. he was bawling hysterically, he could hardly talk. and once again, he is not a big crier. he was very upset. he said he couldnt do it anymore, that he could give anymore. he kept saying that. that he had no more to give. i pleaded and said "i know you have more to give! you just dont know it". he kept saying "no!" he held me, cried, said that im the last person on earth hed want to hurt, that he loved me, that his feelings for me havent changed, that he doesnt want me to hate him. i said "god, i wish you could love me the way i love you", this made him very upset and he said "no! that isnt true! dont say that or think that". then he said that he wasnt erasing me from his life, that we'd still be best of friends and that we'd still see eachother. he called me when he got home and we talked a little more about it. then he said i could talk to him the next day. i woke up, feeling awful and i just drove over his house (probably not the best idea) and just sat there and cried. he didnt say much. he just sorta sat there. he told me it would all be ok. then we worked together that night. we acted normal for awhile. then i got upset again, he came up to me and asked "Are you ok". unbelievable. "no im not." he said, we'll talk about this later, nows not a good time. so i couldnt stand it anymore. i wrote him this long letter where i told him everything i was feeling. it wasnt necessarily a beg to get back together. just a beg for him to think about things. because i know for a fact that he made the decision to break up with me the night that he did it. which i think is pretty rash. i told him in the letter that when we worked together again on sunday, i wouldnt act weird and that i wouldnt expect a response. that if he felt like responding that he could whenever he felt right. that we both needed time away from eachother to think about things. having said that, i got upset yesterday when we worked together and i got no response. i didnt even get a personal goodbye when he left. he has to know im hurting. maybe he took everything in the letter to heart. and maybe he just didnt care about the letter at all. I know he loves me. he told me time and time again. i cant help but think if things had went down differently the past couple weeks that this wouldnt have happened. honestly, i can think of times just like a month ago when we were together and happy and having fun. and i know i can make him happy. i know i have made him happy. i dont know whats going on with him right now. he has some things going on with his family right now. i dont know if it has to do with that. everyone i know was in shock when they found out, because we were just the perfect couple, like we were made for eachother. so what should i do? everyone says its best to back off as much as possible for awhile. i say, hes my friend too i should be able to talk to him. but they say its a bad idea for now. i pray that he is thinking about things. i wish for a sign that he had been thinking about me and missing me. i dont know anything anymore. i feel lost. i cant eat, sleep, study. its the hardest thing ive ever been through. i love this boy more than anything. i cant let him go. i guess i just have to let him be for a while right? that if he wants me, and needs me, he'll come to me when hes ready? how do i act around him when working? help me please! 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