parents threaten to kill my 30yr old mate, because im 15

[somanaomi]

One weekend, me jake and pete met aron, edz and siv. We hung out at his flat and got on really well.

The next night me and jake seek safety in sivs flat, and while im feeling a bit stressed at life, siv talks to me and we have a good conversation, same views on things other people didnt understand, the fact that he was 30 didnt make any difference.

The next weekend i spent a lot of time talking to siv, he'd just come out of a ten yr relationship six months ago and had three children, whom all i met. he didn't open up to many people and never went to out, people would always be at his flat so he didn't need too. It made me happy being with him, being able to talk and be understood, and to understand.

My mate jake also got on really well with him, staying there after school to talk to him.

It did freak me out a little, the age thing as i'd never ever had this connection with someone before, but i knew i certainly didn't fancy him.

One night i found myself again, at sivs house with a collection of people. I'd told my stepmum i was staying at jakes, but since he was nowhere to be found at 4 oclock in the morning, i slept as sivs. he lied on the bed while i lay, tired, just talking. HARMLESS. By this time i was quite quite confused what i felt for him. In the morning, my big sister who had been up all night in a party came to find me, and saw me in his bed.

The next week i didn't talk to him at all, i was too confused, and i'd offended him. It was a very bad week, i hated life and school was worse than usual. On monday however, we started talking again, and i was too happy, i realised i had feelings for this guy.

I found out this week that my sister had been scheming ways to make me stop going to sivs, acting all concerned about drugs when she actually fancied him asking his cousin to hook them up, and just felt threatened by her little sister, me.

Her last attempt to get rid of me, tell my stepmum that i lied to her and stayed at sivs, in the same bed as him.

That night, the night after i'd only realised i had feelings for him, really strong ones too, my stepmum took david, a family friend who used to be a bouncer, to sivs flat, and threatened to kill him if he ever came near me again. siv wont say a word to me, wont reply any txts i send him and is now out of my life forever. we cant be friends. he was the only part that was keeping me sane, and now i can't stand my life.

My stepmum refused to think she was wrong, and insisted that he was only talking to me for sex.

Why must this always be assumed? Why couldn't she of believed me that nothing was going on between us and we hadn't slept together, and that he wouldn't dream of hurting me? Why does the age difference always make things so difficult? What do you think?

[antzca2000]

well what she did was wrong. But I agreed that cutting this off before anyting happens is a smart thnig to do.

 

may sound horrible but even as you said, you were developing feelings for this guy but he has three children. How in this world can anything happen?

[AngelOfDarknes]

its wrong for your mom to treaten him but thats the only way to get him away from you, your 15 ,your too young for him i dont know if he wanted u for sex or not but he should know better then bring a 15yrd to his bed thats wrong.....its his fault he should of known better and i dont think your sister is jelous shes just watching out for you, i would do the same if something like that happened to my sis, just chill out for a while let everything cool off then try to get things straight.

[somanaomi]

my sister defintely defintely fancied him, was feeling him up in the pub and asking his cousin to hook them up, and also told my mate that she did.

and his kids live with the mother

[somanaomi]

ahhh...if i was slightly older it wouldn't make any difference would it?

[lady00]

Yes, if you were 20, it would be a different story...but you're not. You're not an adult, and it is not a good idea for you to have a relationship with a 30-year-old...that is why there are laws in place to protect children from these kinds of situations. I think your family is just looking out for you. You should try to focus more on dating guys your own age.

[AngelOfDarknes]

well your sis has a problem then if shes just messing with you, if u know where he lives why dont u write him a letter on how u feel....and tell him to write back and just for him to put some female name on there and not his lol i did that once when my parents didnt let me hehehe i didnt get caught...goodluck

[DBL]

I think sivs got off lucky if you ask me. I agree with what your family did. Sivs should know better then to try hooking up with a young girl as yourself. Any grown man that has any intentions with a 15 year old girl, has some issues.

 

If you think a 30 year old man is only interested in you for a good chat...you are wrong. It is not normal for a 30 year old man to be laying next to a 15 year old girl.

 

Sorry to be blunt

DBL

[Mr Mister1]

From what you've said I doubt your sister would really fancy him, if she did she would have shot herself in the foot by telling your stepmum. Think about it if she tried to get involved with him, well he'd probably back away and say he wants nothing to do with her for one thing, and if he did get involved with her your stepmum would find out and send her bouncer friend after him. How old's your sister?

 

I don't think threatening to kill him was the right way to go about it, but I am going to have to be a boring grown up and say she had the right intentions.

[RayKay]

Well, I truly don't think there is anything normal about a relationship between a 15-year and 30-year old, no matter how mature or immature they are respectively. Not only is it illegal, but I just can't see having deep conversations at those ages or having all that much in common in terms of life experience. And a 30 yearr old that hangs out with 15 year olds...well he has issues.

 

Threats were not the best way to do it, but this is not a good situation for you. Stick to people closer to your age at this point in your life.

[Francis]

You should be very weary of an older person hanging out with much younger ones.

 

When I was in undergrad, I was in a group of friends and there was an older man (between 50 and 60) who always hanged out with us. We never thought anything of it.

 

Once, I forgot my keys and I asked whether I could sleep over and he said it was o.k. We in fact had dinner at his place and he asked me what would I do if a guy would try to rape me. I told him that I would fight to death and call the police. I did not think anything about it ! I slept over in the couch and that was it.

 

The following year, when I came back to the city where I did my undergrad, I learnt that this guy had raped one of my friends, a 6'2 guy who was sleeping over. He never went to the police. But they were not talking to him anymore.

 

Sometimes, older persons will try to hang out with younger ones because they know they are more vulnerable. They know what buttons to push to make you feel comfortable. Sometimes, even young people know how to manipulate you into sex, without wanting any emotional ties with you. It is not always older people, but more cunning people. You will eventually learn to recognize them either by observing people's relationships either by experience (could be painful).

 

However, in this situation, you might not be aware that men are very sexual and that they think significantly about sex. Also, many men feel attracted to younger women. thereforeeee, chances are that he probably desires you sexually and if you sleep in his bed, he might get into a sexual mode and try to seduce you. He then would be in trouble with the law 100%. And the chances that this man is looking to have a serious relationship with you are scarce. He already was married, has three kids and probably he does not want another person to feed (probably pays alimony to his wife). On top of that, if he wanted a serious relationship with you, he would know he would have to wait three years before having sex with you. How can you be sure he will wait for you to be 18 and he will not look elsewhere?

 

Since you are young and do not have that much experience in life, may be you don't know the hardships of having a mature relationship. It's hard work and can be very painful too if you entertain a relationship with the wrong person. Plus, he could be manipulating you and putting a nice facade just to please you, which would be difficult for you to tell because you are young and you don't have too much life experience.

 

It is normal that your parents be mad at him: chances are very high that he wants to exploit you sexually, all the older people in the forum realize there is a major possibility of abuse here, and you would be the innocent victim. You should just forget about him, your feelings will dissolve and disappear with time. We all went through an impossible love story. C'est la vie!

[somanaomi]

i'm going to be very naive and ask, was there absolutely no possibility of not being for sex? urgh...people have always said ive got a mature way of thinking, but maybe everybodys right this time and im being very very naive!

but i know there are different possibilities.

my stepmum was physically abused when she was 16 and now thinks she's doing me a favour.

i understand the views on him being a lot older, and although i didnt intend to do anything about my feelings, we did talk about the age gap and it freaked both of us out. this guy was most defintely genuine because this is how everybody knew him as.

and umm...he did offer me another bed. me sleepin in his bed was kinda my fault.i found out today thatmy sister most defintely told my stepmum, making up a concerned story about siv giving me drugs, when she herself has been taking lines of coke in front of me and offering me ecstasy, and buying me absynths in the pub.

i dont know. im very very confused. isnt there just a teeny possibility that she was wrong? i wonder maybe in ten years if i went back and talked to him then and things were good i would of proven everybody wrong.

[Jimbo10]

uh.............

 

15, and 30,

 

how can you have anything in common other than the capability to make babies and have him sent to jail?

 

it isnt' right; go for guys your age, and if you want the older guys, at 15, really 16, is an older guy

 

...........30............

[chicken]

hi there,

i totally know what you are going thru as i am in this situation.well not so much any more as i am verry happy with my bloke. i am 17 now and have been with him 4 2yrs my parents reacted in a similar way, they told me to cut all contact with him but i just couldnt. at first i did think "is it right that i like this guy?" but now that i decided to give it a go we are verry much in love and living together. he has 2kids who i have met also. all i can say is you have to decide what you want to do. my parents dont like that i am living with him and they hate his guts, but i am extremely happy. at the mo my parents are just living with it but still hating the idea!! take some time and think what you want!! if you need to know anything else just ask