I think I figured it out...

[star554]

I dated a guy for 2 years. After many ups and downs, breakups and makeups, we've reached a new type of relationship. It's not purely fwb because I think to some extent we both care about each other. At the same, it's far from intimate because we've stopped doing things like hold hands, say how much we care about each other, and, in general, talk more than about once a week. What's worse is that after we spend the night together, I don't hear from him for a week (he says it's like having an overdose of me and needs a cooloff period).

 

Previously, I had decided this isn't even a relationship and thought the best way to get over him was to ignore him, didn't think he'd notice. But after receiving a few msgs from him to check up on me followed by a call, I decided I owed him an explanation. Although, we didn't end up talking about us at all, but rather just talking. And I figured it out, why we haven't been working (for me anyways).

 

He's changed a bit but I don't think it's because he has stopped liking me. In fact, I think it's entirely him, the non-relationship aspect of his life. He frowns upon these little intimate aspects of relationships (that I actually love) and thinks they are unnecessary in a deep relationship. He isn't seeing anyone else and does in fact consider us exclusive, although I can never actually picture him using any of these words (relationship, girlfriend, boyfrend, exclusive). Now that I think about it, he does occasionally plans to take me places (but ofc, never calls it dates). Maybe it's a matter of preference, some people just aren't as romantic or playful? Has anyone ever been with a person like that?

 

Anyways, what I've realized in the last few hours is that I can't really blame him. He has the right to want that and he's never given me the wrong picture or led me to believe anything else. At the same time, I'm one of those people that loves these "intimate" aspects of a relationship. Moreover, I love calling it that. The reason I've been so unhappy for the past few months of this relationship with him is because I've been compromising to try and make him happy, to make it work. He knows what I want but I don't think he'll ever acknowledge me as a girlfriend but he will imply it.

 

So it's as simple as: we want very different things from a relationship; and we have different takes on what a relationship is and feels like. I want to ask if there seems to be hope for us? I think I already know the answer. Also: in a month, he's doing an internship in my hometown, so I think we could be seeing a lot more of each other. But than 4 months later, he's back to school and most likely, back to what we have now.

 

Thanks for reading everyone! Any and all advice is appreciated and welcome

[squirl]

I'm one of those people that loves these "intimate" aspects of a relationship. Moreover, I love calling it that. The reason I've been so unhappy for the past few months of this relationship with him is because I've been compromising to try and make him happy, to make it work. He knows what I want but I don't think he'll ever acknowledge me as a girlfriend but he will imply it.

 

So it's as simple as: we want very different things from a relationship; and we have different takes on what a relationship is and feels like. I want to ask if there seems to be hope for us? I think I already know the answer.

 

You've been unhappy because you know at some level that you are selling yourself short.

 

You have every right to want to be called "girlfriend," to want to have a clear relationship agreement that you are exclusive or that you have the same goals.

 

For whatever reason you've been putting his preferences before yours. He could just as easily put your preferences before his, but he hasn't.

 

You won't know if you can be happy with him unless you put the things that you want out there. He may not give them to you, but he will respect you for it.

 

As relationships continue, they are expected to grow. No one will blame you for ending something that isn't going where you want it to.