Is there anybody else who....

[gardnergirl2]

Can honestly say they don't want the ex back, but miss them? I don't want him back, and I know that, but I am still hurt that we are " enemies". Ok. Maybe not technically, but that's how it feels. He won't speak to me because the new gal feels I secure about it, and ok...I get that. But I just miss the ability to knw how he is, how hs family is etc. anybody else identify?

 

Ps. I have decided to go to a Christian counselor about this because 14 months out, I shouldn't till be hurting....but I am bc of how quickly he ended up with the new girl, she moved in etc.. Why would I even want to be friends with someone like that?? Good question....maybe counseling will help me answer that.

[BeyazGulum]

I felt like that for almost 5 years, until he contacted recently out of the blue! It's not uncommon. The hurt should disappear but missing him might stay with you forever. It's something you learn to live with, though. And for as long as that hurt is still there, friendship is a no-no. Counselling certainly can't do any harm

[Isolation28]

Good question. I wouldn't say that I MISS my ex, more of the emotional and physical bond of being in a relationship. Sure, my ex was a good person overall, but I'm not wallowing in her absence any longer. You also miss the connection a relationship usually entails, something that takes a lot of time to form. That is why, when it is broken off, people usually try to fix it in a panic. They miss what they had and they are scared of going on alone. It is important to embrace the lifestyle of self sufficiency, emotionally and physically. Would you feel complete if you needed someone else's help if you wanted to walk, talk, or do basic things? No? Well it is the same emotionally. People make the mistake of placing their sense of happiness and pride in their relationships. The problem is that you eventually become dependent on the relationship and, when it fails, your sense of self and pride diminishes with it. Props to seeing a counselor though, it is a step in the right direction.

[Supersarahp]

Can honestly say they don't want the ex back, but miss them? I don't want him back, and I know that, but I am still hurt that we are " enemies". Ok. Maybe not technically, but that's how it feels. He won't speak to me because the new gal feels I secure about it, and ok...I get that. But I just miss the ability to knw how he is, how hs family is etc. anybody else identify?

 

Ps. I have decided to go to a Christian counselor about this because 14 months out, I shouldn't till be hurting....but I am bc of how quickly he ended up with the new girl, she moved in etc.. Why would I even want to be friends with someone like that?? Good question....maybe counseling will help me answer that.

 

Yes 100% - I am happier without him - we are so wrong for each other but I wish we could be more friendly cos we have kids and also such a lot of history

[MonsterM]

I can honestly say I dont need such kind of a woman near me...but I miss her like hell...the sex we had and the conversations...apart from that this was nothing special...it's more of a habbit

[Doc Blaze]

I dunno if i miss my ex gf or if i miss the company and things we used to do..just someone there for me..to say hi how are you today or come spend some time with me...I dont think i want my ex or would take her back..we broke up twice over the same issues...recently being 6 days ago

 

I dont want her back because i cant keep doing this back and fourth thing..it either works or it doesnt...you either wanna try or we end it for good...you cant give 60 percent in a relationship and expect it to be awesome..

 

so yea i do miss my ex to a point but lifestyle right now would be hard for us to make it and her doubts wouldnt make even more difficult to work

[Mike80]

I dunno if i miss my ex gf or if i miss the company and things we used to do..

 

dude, seriously, I just said this to myself an hour ago or so. I'm leaning more towards missing the company and things we used to do.

 

When you have a close friend/lover ripped from your life completely, and you never hear from them anymore, I think its natural to miss them and the good things yall used to do. But I would imagine if she ever did contact me, I'm almost positive alllllllll the NEGATIVE stuff would immediately surface after 5 minutes of talking/communicating.

 

Also, the more time I spend alone, the more the blinders come off and I can see our relationship for what it really was. We never had a healthy relationship. For nearly 1.5 years, she lived with the guy she was engaged to for 5 years, and was seeing me on the side the whole time. She had her cake and she ate it too. I enabled her. She kept telling me she would eventually leave him and we would be exclusive, and she actually did after that 1.5 year period....yet when she moved out on her own, and it was just she and I, she began to scream and yell at me for literally every single little thing I did. It just showed me that if she couldn't have it her way, she was going to be miserable and I was just gonna have to come along for the ride. I accepted it, because I was acting like a beta. I loved her so much and I didn't want to lose her. Now I see clearly, that there was never a chance for us to be a perfect, happy couple. And that's even more depressing than her being away from me now. Because now I feel like for 2 years, I was living in a complete fantasy world, and I can never have that time back.

[mg22]

Ive learned not to miss my ex.. he hurt me, betrayed me, why would i even think he's worth missing?? learn to love yourself then you will reach the stage that someone who hurts you so much is not worth your sorrow.

[wilderlove]

I thought I wanted my ex but like you guys I miss the essence of him. I miss my friend ...the conversations and the presence but he let go of me long before it was over. And moved on quickly ..so I am just going to do the same. I think he misses the same with me but who knows with me.

[Snow93]

Yeah, I'm in the same boat. Do I wish things were different? Yes. Do I want her back? No. It's like you guys said: it's missing that closeness and intimacy with someone who was a best friend but even more important than that at the same time. I miss the feeling of happiness I used to get just by seeing her or hearing her voice but after her betraying me I know that she turned out to be the wrong one after all.

 

If she had put in as much effort as I had, as much as she did during the "honeymoon" phase, hadn't hurt me and somehow we still broke up then yeah I probably would want her back. Those are the facts though and I don't believe in third chances. She's a chapter in my life I have to reluctantly end.

[gardnergirl2]

Thank you all for your replies. I miss him as a friend. Someone that knows me and I can talk to. I hate having to be silent just bc his new girl is insecure. I am not blaming her, but I am just different. I don't monitor who my bf talks to bc I figure that a person who is going to cheat will cheat.

 

But, I believe one day way in the future we will speak again, which may be better. I will be totally healed by then.

[soloman9]

"I hate having to be silent just bc his new girl is insecure"

 

I wouldn't flatter yourself too much here. My boyfriend has an ex who simply won't leave him alone and it annoys me. Not because I am insecure in my relationship but because it's disrespectful and also, painfully embarrassing on her part. I genuinely want her to stop making a fool of herself for her own sake. She probably thinks that he doesn't respond to her because I'm some sort of controlling monster, but actually it's just because it's respectful for me/he has no interest in her life anymore.

 

If you were in a relationship you can't be friends until a lot further down the line when you are completely indifferent to each other and therefore, won't even be bothered if you're friends or not! You don't want to be friends right now, you are trying to muscle your way in. Why do you want to be friends with someone who you will never be able to act the same around again eg. hug and kiss?

 

Really concentrate on avoiding him and don't think you're not friends because of this girlfriend. It's over. He doesn't want to be with you and so you shouldn't even give him the honour of your friendship. Have pride.

[gardnergirl2]

All cases are different, soloman, but I am not trying to muscle my way in. I don't really think that is a fair assumption. I don't want to hug and kiss him, and he hasn't heard from me in a while, so I don't continually harass him. I wasn't trying to flatter myself. He sent me an email that said we can't talk becuase it upsets her, and that's fine.

 

I do have pride. I am a single mom who works full time and operates two small businesses. I think that is more a measure of pride in oneself than ones emotions and how they manifest. I come on this board to vent, and I didn't mean to imply that she is the only reason we can't be friends. Obviously, he doesn't have interest in my life, and that's ok. This is my outlet, and I do know that she does not feel good about us communicating is all I am saying. We haven't talked, emailed, texted or anything in months, so I am not a stalker.

[gardnergirl2]

I reread my post and didn't mean to sound so witchy, soloman....sorry

[squirl]

I think I know what you mean. The last person I dated had some very unique qualities, which I do not expect to find in a person ever again.

 

I wouldn't want things back the way they were (since there were obvious problems in our dynamic), but I do appreciate the good things that came about as a result of it.

 

I made it pretty clear that he should contact me when he is happy and in a mindset to make a positive connection of some sort. If he wants to get in touch just to continue the old dynamic, then he never really knew me at all, and it's no great loss.

[JA0371]

I think if you found someone else and a more full filling relationship, you wouldn't give a damn about his life or him anymore. It hurts so much because he HAS.

[John John]

I'm really struggling with this right now myself. I'm not sure if the pain I'm feeling is a result of me missing my ex specifically, or just being lonely. I go back and forth between wanting her back (she left me after 5 years because her feelings for me changed) and wanting to just find someone else. I haven't spoken to her in 2 months, so I have absolutely no idea what she is feeling. I don't think she wants another bf right now, my understanding is that she just wanted to be single and focus on her school, but who knows honestly.

 

I fantasize about mentally getting to the point where I'm indifferent to her entirely and then she contacts me asking to try again. Because then, I'd have opportunity to make an objective decision about what to do - I'd finally feel like I have some "power" back, but also would be in the right mental state to properly use it.

 

I think I miss the young woman I fell in love with. The one who was sentimental, overtly loving, and ridiculously affectionate. She said she "changed," and while I believe her, I still believe she's in there somewhere. If she came back, even though my family would be uneasy about it, I'd be willing to give it another chance provided I knew exactly why she had a change of heart and what we would both do to fix our problems in the future. If there was no "plan," then I don't think I'd want her back.

[gardnergirl2]

I think if you found someone else and a more full filling relationship, you wouldn't give a damn about his life or him anymore. It hurts so much because he HAS.

 

I don't know what kind of relationship they have. I guess it's fulfilling. I am not there. Like I said, I don't want him back. Just after almost 4 years, sure you miss certain things about a person. That was really my whole point

[loveblindxo]

I don't miss my ex. I miss who I thought he was and having someone there, being in a relationship.

[Brittanyxox90]

this was my latest thread.. in a nutshell. I don't miss being WITH him, I just miss being "with" him... I miss our friendship, I miss his voice and our jokes together, I miss it all, but he never calls me. I guess we are unwritten enemies.

[surfjon]

I'm with everyone here who feel its the familiarity we miss, not so much the person...

 

I don't miss her nor would I take her back because what I had become familiar with was just being treated unfairly, I was excluded from so many of her social activities and she made out with some scumbag bartender...or more...

 

Naw, do not want.....