My Story

[Shane Falco]

Shane, thank you for being candid with me. So if we didn't have sex and still did the other things, he would either get bored with me, or want to try again maybe?? He has serious commitment issues, his dad has been through 2 divorces, his dad has talked to me about this. We work together rather intensely and I can't really do NC. I want to be his friend, and I do hope we get back together. I know everyone here is obsessed with NC. But some do stay friends and reconcile.

 

I have no idea what he would do -- I don't know him. I know that you can't manipulate him. And people are obsessed with NC because it is the most effective way to move forward. And you have to move forward to have any chance at reconciliation. Staying friends without some time off very rarely works. It's like being struck by lightning. Sure, it happens to people, but the overwhelming majority of people do not get struck by lightning in their lifetime. Even if they stand outside in an open field during every thunderstorm.

 

You can't go NC because of work, so go LC. But being his buddy and giving him the p--sy is a dead-end idea. You are more likely to become "the crazy ex who I can call over whenever I want to get some ass" than "the woman I love" with that approach.

[CocoaBean]

I want to work on control issues, and I am not trying to manipulate. I want to grow as a person, and hang out with friends. I got a gym membership, and want to do my own thing. I won't be at his beck and call. I dont want to be a doormat, if i see that happening i will walk away. i want to be the Person he fell in love with again, and in striving for that i will find myself again too. i know there are no guarantees, and really dont want to manipulate. i want it to be his choice, getting back together for any other reason would not work or be fulfilling. I'm really the only person he can talk to about his meds, and I want to be there for him.

 

 

I hope he will see changes in me. I hope I am able to change.

 

He was feeling nauseous most of the day. When I was almost done with work he told me he was going to lay down, but wake him when I got there, I had dropped off one of our cats for the day- his idea, and had to pick her up. I woke him and we chatted about work for a minute, he had made stew, and picked up French bread, and sent me home with some. No sex, and yes I wish he had asked me to stay. But he didn't, so I left.

[CocoaBean]

I texted him to see if he felt better today, no response for a while. Then he called, said he was feeling terrible and was throwing up all night- just kidding. He said he felt better, but couldn't sleep last night, forgot to take his sleeping pill. So he got up super early and got a bunch of work done. Later I had to stop in to work and drop some stuff off, Easter is coming and Is a big weekend for us, requires a lot of prepping!!

 

I stopped in and we talked about the upcoming weekend, then one of our regular couples was there and I went to chat with them, he joined us and we talked with them for a while. At one point we were reminiscing about all the work it had taken to open the place and all the cleaning, to which he said, "you just looked so darn cute doing it" just made my heart jump, he said it in front of them, and they knew we were broken up. So weird. He also mentioned that he plans on finishing his college degree, in hospitality and tourism, he is 3 classes shy. He has been talking about that for a few years, I really hope he takes care of it. He brought it up again to me later after I had a drink with some of the regulars, I told him to go for it, he has been wanting to do that for a while.

 

I love this man! I haven't mentioned us getting back together, and am taking one day at a time. He gave me his donut today. He picked a few up from our favorite place, and offered me one. He's been "looking" at me different. Kinda scared it could be that the feelings are completely gone and that is why he is so comfortable around me. But on the other hand I have been comfortable around him too, and I love him and want to be with him. I am going to try and contact him less outside of work, and see if he starts contacting me. He asked me today to spend time with our cats at his house, he is worried that they aren't getting enough attention. Told him my cat needs attn too, and I planned on going home to her. Is it weird that he asked that??

[CocoaBean]

Still just taking one day at a time. I'm finding myself more every day. Trying to get out with friends. Been going to the gym 3-4 times a week with a friend of mine. I'm giving him more space, and not contacting him. I'm hoping he comes to me. But not expecting it. I'm posting because I do hope to reconcile, and write a post here if that ever happens. Most don't do that, and I want to.