My Story

[CocoaBean]

I have been dating Will for 4 years. We met when he was opening a new restaurant and I applied as a manager. For him it was love at first sight!! I almost didn't take the job because I could sense it. We had so much in common. Our ideas about the restaurant, our work ethic, it was a perfect blend. We complimented each other in our strengths and weaknesses at work. Before too long we started just sleeping together. I should tell you I was 25 and he was 29 at this point. I didn 't want a relationship and we hid what we were doing from everyone. Before too long I fell in love and we started our relationship. Moved in together right away, lease issues and being busy with a new restaurant we ended up at a place with month to month rent. A few months later we started looking at houses. I had looked at some and couldn't really afford it. Then a few months later Will decided to look at houses and I found the perfect house for us!! For sale by owner, and I fell in love. He ended up buying it and I helped with the mortgage and bills. We got a cat, and then 2 more. Worked at the restaurant together a lot of the time without another manager to help us which made it impossible to get time off together. But we loved each other. Had our silly fights and ups and downs but it always worked out.

Fast forward 3 years later... I started to feel like I was being taken for granted. I don't think he did this on purpose, but I needed to know that all my hard work and sacrifice was going to pay off one day. I didn't own any part of the restaurant, but worked like I did. I LOVE my job. 90% of the time it doesn't even feel like work. Our sex life started to go down hill, I started taking a new birth control that didnt agree with me. And with the stress... It just all added up. At one point I thought we would get married, and to add to the stress people were always asking us. We did talk about it time to time. It was stressful, I needed to know I would get something out of my hard work, and one way of doing that was marriage... But I didn't want it for the wrong reasons. I love him with all my heart, but we started slipping for sure. I really wish I would have demanded a raise.

About 1 month ago he was leaving for a few days with his family and I wanted to talk about things before he left. I was stressed about this for a long time and I NEEDED answers!!! I needed to know what I was working so hard for!! I told him I needed to know if we have a future, and if he wanted kids some day. That I needed to know that all my hard work was going to get me some where some day. He told me he would think about things while he was gone. When he left I thought we should just break up. But I loved him. Over the next few days I missed him a LOT, and by the time he came back I wanted to "renew" our relationship. I thought about having kids, and i realized that i didn't want kids right mow either. i love the "idea" of kids it really is a beautiful thing you create out of love and is a part of both of you, but i also love my life. i love my work, and Will. i dont think i want to do the getting up at 2am and the feedings and the diapers. we have 3 cats, how would they react, i couldnt imagine giving up any one of them!! it has forever been preached to me, you fall in love, get married, and have kids. for the first time in my life i realized that maybe i didnt want kids, and at the very least that i could be happy without them. if i didnt see kids right now, why was i pressuring him?? i realized how much I loved him. I was exhausted when he came back as I worked extra to cover him being gone. 2 days after he got back he broke up with me. I was in shock. We had the next day off together and I wanted to take that day to start new and talk about things, and he made his decision a day too soon. Things between us had been tough for the last 4/5 months, but I loved him at the end of every day. I have fallen in love with him several times, and understand that I have NOT been "in love" with him every day. The stress of not knowing what I was getting out of working so hard was getting to me, and I had started lashing out at him over the past few months, and I feel so bad about it. I wish I would have just asked him for a raise. That is what I really needed, to know that I am appreciated its not just about the money, but that helps. I need to know that no matter what that I am providing for my future as well, everything I worked for has been benefiting only him it has seemed like. And without a commitment that was hard. I wish we would have talked about it sooner.

Also, about 2 years ago I got really drunk (I hardly drink) and I blacked out. I had texted Will to come get me, but he was sleeping. Tried calling too. By the time he got up I didn't know where I was or who I was with. My girlfriend ditched me and I ended up staying at a guys house that we both know. Nothing happened- not that I would have known... But I asked the guy, and I trust him. In the meantime Will had tried calling me several times that evening and I didn't answer, or did and didn't tell him who I was with. At this point I have no recollection. I lied to Will for about 2 months about where I stayed. Until the guilt finally ate at me and I had to tell him. He told me when we broke up that he had never been able to let that go. It hurts really bad.

We broke up feb. 25. He told me that he is no longer in love with me. But loves me and cares about me. For the next few days I tried to reason with him. Told him that this is a down trend of our ups and downs, that i wanted to fight for him. (he had been saying lately that i didnt love him when i told him that i did). Feeling insecure i think. i didnt realize how serious it was. Told him I realized I didn't have to have kids, and that I had realized this while he was gone. Not sure if he believed me, or thought I was just saying it... He immediately started sleeping in the spare bedroom and said not sex and no kissing!!!! He would hug me, and kiss my forehead like we do. At this time I also changed my birth control FINALLY, and for some reason REALLY started wanting him!!!! We did end up having sex on the Sunday 2 days before I moved out, he said its just sex! Then on Monday night we had sex too. Once again just sex. On Tuesday morning we had sex twice. And on the last time he kissed me. I moved out march 12. Out of the house we both

love.

On Wed pm I came back to pick up one of the cats I would be taking, wanted to get settled first to reduce the stress. I wore sexy underwear and he said it would just be sex and we couldn't have sex because I wanted more. To which I stated if its just sex why do you care?? Showed him my sexy underwear and he asked me to turn around... Then said not sex, he just wanted to check me out. I told him if he didnt have feelings it shouldn't matter, he said he wanted to have sex but couldn't...

He has called a few times just to ask how things are going. He wants to talk about the cats etc. today I have started just changing the subject to work. I think he is getting the idea.

One more thing, he has LOTS of trouble sleeping. I convinced him to go to the dr about 8 months ago. He got prescribed a sleeping pill and antidepressant. The anti helps him focus at work... But affects him in other ways... If ou know what I mean. After the last night I tried to have sex with him... He told me he would call me after he gets new pills, or gets off the pills...

I wanted to post this story sooner... This is about everything that has been happening in the last few weeks...

I just can't see how he will not fall back in love with me. We are still working together and he has stated that he wants me to. We are discussing a raise for me this weekend, and we both love what we do!!! Finding someone in our industry as dedicated and hard working as we are is hard, we balance each other in so many ways. I love him with all my heart. I have started to realize how poorly I have been treating him recently and told him I would appreciate him every day if given the chance and never take him for granted. Some space apart has really opened my eyes. I don't know if we will be able to love our jobs as much as we do without each other, he really depends on me for so much, and I respect how intelligent and innovative he is.

He told me he doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, and doesn't want to be with anyone else. He just wants to be single, and doesn't know if he ever wants to get married.

How I wish I would have thought through things more clearly before deciding to talk to him before he left. If I would have waited... Maybe I would have figured it out while he was gone for a few days and I had space to do it.

Question... First of many I am sure, should I keep sleeping with him if he initiates it over the next few weeks??? We haven't been having a regular sex life for almost the last year- which I believe is directly related to changing my birth control, cause now the desire is back... Do I prove to him that I am still attracted?? And do I stay friends at work talking about some personal stuff, but to contact him outside of work?? He keeps trying to make small talk. He is kind of quirky, and everything he does makes me fall in love even more.

I have gotten to the point where I want to give him what he wants, and I accept that it is over. But I really think he still has feelings for me, and I hope we will get back together.

Thank you anyone who has taken the time to read this, and please share your thoughts.

[CocoaBean]

Also, having sex 3 times within 2 days was AMAZiNG!!!!! Hasn't felt like that in a long time, and he got more affectionate each time. I feel so bad that I haven't wanted sex for so long, and didnt out it together what the issue was. I wrote him a letter and told him just about the sex issue, not trying to beg, about 5 days after the break up. He said he understands, and believes me. But I think his head believes me, and not his heart

[cantgiveup]

Hi, read your story. Four years is a long time, and you guys lived together as well so that is always tough. It seems like you aren't that hurt over this, you said you accept that it's over, but I think you may be deceiving yourself. Maybe not but you are still in regular contact and have had sex with him only what, a few days ago? So I think maybe you really don't believe it's over. Maybe it isn't, but I would say until you've had some significant time away, you won't be able to really process your true feelings.

 

I would say that you need to stop having sex with him if he's broken up with you. Right now you're sending the message that he doesn't have to be committed to you but can get whatever he wants. He's not ever going to realize what he's lost if you don't take it away. So he's free to look for someone else while you're still there just in case. IDK what he's thinking but as a guy, that's what I'd be thinking.

 

I will also say that from your story it sounds like communication was a problem in your RS. I know it was in mine. Sex was also a problem in mine, and I also had been having trouble sleeping and work in a restaurant as well as going to school full time. Restaurant work is stressful and takes a lot of energy and if you're not sleeping well it can lead to irritability and a general bad mood. These factors definitely caused problems in my RS but we never communicated such issues. She just became unhappy, didn't tell me, then left. Sounds like he's kind of done the same thing. If you were pressuring him into things he wasn't sure about or making him uncomfortable, IMHO he should have told you how he was feeling instead of just breaking up with you. If you love someone you tell them if they are doing things you don't like and give them a chance to change, again MO. Some people don't see it that way.

 

I'm certainly not an expert, but I say cut off the sex, phone calls, etc. You have to see him at work, keep it professional and on topic only. Tell him it's like this unless he wants to seriously discuss reconciliation, but from what I have read since my BU, the consensus is that people need a significant break to process what went wrong and work on themselves before jumping back in. Otherwise the underlying issues don't get dealt with and you break up again. Good luck to you and I hope love prevails.

 

P.S. If you break your posts up into paragraphs with a space in between it will be much easier to read

[Shane Falco]

Yeah, I just skimmed your post (was very hard to read) but having sex with him is an awful idea and will not bring him back. It will just make you friends with benefits. When he says "it's just sex" he means it. Most men do not form emotional attachments from sex -- it's simply to get off and fulfill physical desires. So if you think seducing him is going to have a positive effect, you'll be extremely disappointed.

[CocoaBean]

Thank you for the comments. I want him, and I want him to know that I want him sexually, and that I'm attracted to him. I'm really worried if he doesn't know that I'll never get him back.

But on the other hand you are probably right.

He has been a zombie at work. Talking about how he isn't eating, and when he does it makes his stomach "upset" not sleeping etc... And openly telling the staff about that he hasnt been eating... Not details... But everyone knows. Very weird

 

I agree very hard to read. Wish I could edit it now. Thanks again.

[LoveRuthless]

I think that you guys should work on a friendship before you jump back into a relationship and to always be truthful with eachother.

[CocoaBean]

I would never lie to him again. Can't believe I did before, it is completely out of character for me. I knew how he would react to the guys house I stayed at. I didn't even know where i was. I didn't go out with that guy, but rather ran in to him that night completely unexpected. Still pissed at my friend for ditching me.

It just hurts so bad wanting to share everything with him. And he still wants to share with me. I want to shake him and scream that I love him and I can't. And it's so hard. We work together rather closely, and I am trying my best to keep things just work. Maybe if I can do that for another month I can start to be his friend again. He doesn't have many other friends that are in the area. Just acquaintances. I just want him to know that I can be there for him and not lash out at him. That I see what I have been doing and want to change.

I know he hasn't been perfect either and I don't accept all the blame. His dad has been divorced twice and that has been hard and created insecurities that we both need to deal with.

 

Btw- his mom remarried her high school sweetheart after they both got divorced after atleast 10 years.... Not sure of the complete details.

[lavenderdove]

There are several important things going on here.

 

First, you have been working shoulder to shoulder with him on building a business in which you have no equity. If all you were doing was working a 'normal' shift and went home, then you shouldn't be entitled to anything, but if you are working so much and lots of overtime without pay as if you were a partner in the business or his wife, then you are indeed entitled to be a partner or to get compensated for the extra hours you work. He's been taking advantage of you if it is anything less than that.

 

Next, when you let him know you wanted a normal life, home, family, and equal status in the relationship, then he dumps you. So he's making it very clear he doesn't want that, doesn't want to make you his wife or have a family. I suspect he is very devoted to his business and sees that as his first priority, and obviously doesn't want to take a chance that you'll be able to legally demand half of that business and be compensated for it.

 

So he's basically let you 'tag along' but is not really meshing your lives in a permanent ways (financially or otherwise) and now has made it clear he doesn't intend to do so. He's told you he doesn't love you either. That's HUGE and you shouldn't just ignore that. Reading all your descriptions, i see him making NO accomodations for you at all. You're twisting yourself into a pretzel to convince yourself it is ok to just go along with his terms of no marriage, no kids, no equal partnership, and you working like a dog to build HIS business with no rights to the profits at all.

 

I think that if he truly loved you, he would want to make you an equal partner and his wife, but he never did that, and after 4 years he should know what he wants. And he tells you he doesn't love you and he doesn't think he'll ever marry. So what you would have is spending your life building HIS business without compensation or rights, then if he does meet someone who sparks him 5, 10 or 20 years down the line, you get dumped and have no recourse to anything at all. you move out, she moves in, and that's all you get for all those years building his business, not even a thank you for the effort and time you invested for nothing.

 

So i think you need to take the blinders off here. He's telling you he doesn't love you and told you to move out and made it clear marriage and family don't interest him. and it frankly is not smart for you to put all that time and effort into building someone else's business when you have no financial interest in it at all. Great for him, but you're getting shafted and used. You have discovered his bottom line, which is it is ok for you to 'hang out' with him in his house, but he will not give you equal partnership in his business and life, and he couldn't care less about how hard you are working or he'd find a way to compensate you for that without you even asking for it!

 

and please don't try to use sex as 'bait' to get him back. that's not the real issue here. he's told you he can do that, but that it doesn't mean anythign and is just sex and you shouldn't take it as an indication that you're getting back together because he's decided he doesn't really want you as a full partner in his life. What he'll do is eventually find a new woman, slide her in where you moved out, and you'll get fired so that she can step into those pseudo-wife shoes where she works as hard as he does, but has no investment in the business. Clever of him to get all that 'free' labor for nothing, horrible and unfair to you!

[CocoaBean]

Wow. I'm not sure about all of this. I know he has serious commitment issues. He has told me that he loves me, and cares about me. He has told me what a great job I do. In the first 5 years of any business it is VERY tough. I have held back how I feel because I don't want to take anything away from him. I haven't pushed the issue and instead let it eat at me until I took it out on him and treated him poorly. If I would have pushed the monetary issue I believe he would have given me a raise. I know the financial state of the restaurant and what is/isn't possible. Times are tough. 2 more years and a lot of that will change.

He bought the restaurant, what right do I have to take any of that away from him?? I deserve more money for sure, but not sure if I need/want partnership at this point. I know that he values what I do. I need him to show it more.

 

He has stated that he loves me and cares about me. The last night I left he told me he loved me, without me saying it to him, or back to him. I believe he is trying to be the stronger person here and still does have feelings. One of the staff has been hind of talking to him. He has been openly crying about this, and almost ended up in tears yesterday when we started talking about upcoming events that are always a TON of work, but extremely rewarding. The next few months are the busiest, it's why we do what we do, and we work very well together. I'm not sure if either of us will love it the same without each other.

 

I'm not sure if I agree with you. You don't know him. But I thank you for your reply as it surely has given me something to think about.

 

I'm not sure if it is fair of me to want to take away what is his dream. I have helped him build it, but it is not mine. That can happen a lot in businesses, but if they aren't dating there aren't the expectations, why should I expect it now??

 

He has serious commitment issues, and has felt unloved and and that I'm not attracted to him. He is emotional about it, not the regular callous guy. He has said he's not sure if he ever wants to get married, then told me 2 years ago he thought maybe.

He has said he is not "in love" with me. I'm not sure anyone is " in love" with their SO every single day. I just don't believe it. Even happily married couples. I am starting to see all the things I did to tear him down some. I wish I could have seen it sooner.

I'm sorry I really don't agree with you.

[CocoaBean]

I Also told him about family, marriage etc, when I knew we weren't doing well for the last 4/5 months... This was stupid. I sincerely thought about kids while he was gone!!! Had made my decision about not needing kids before he got back. It had never entered my mind before that I wouldn't have kids. Didn't even entertain the thought. Then it hit me driving home from work one night. I don't want to give up my life for that right now. Not sure if in ever will. And I certainly don't need them to be happy.

If I would have waited till he got back and maybe wrote my feelings down maybe I would have skipped to just wanting to work on what is going on with us right now.

1- I need a raise. That is apparent

2- I had wanted to try and spark our relationship again. Just changed birth control, and that has had a huge impact.

 

Notes for the future... Write down feelings first. Who knows what will come of it. I have started a journal now and it helps me feel better. Keeps me from wanting to talk to him.

 

I never felt that he didnt love me or want to be with me. And I feel like you are trying to tell me that he has been using me for the last 4 years, when I just don't see that as the case. Over the years I have felt loved and very much in love. When he felt me fading away he would always tell me "you dont love me right now, but I'm going to make you fall in love with me again". He is so wonderful and I could ave been more patient. Less insecure and less demanding. Except for getting a raise. That I deserve and would have changed lots!

[lavenderdove]

So have you been working for the same salary for 4 years, no raise? see, that would be OK if you were a partner and had equity in the business, but you don't. And maybe he can't afford to give you a raise, but if you are living with him as a partner, working side by side with him in the business, putting long hours in and not getting compensated for them, you are doing that because you were a romantic partner and thought you were building a life with him. Instead as soon as you mention that you want to be a REAL partner, he gives you the heave ho. If he saw you as a real partner, even if he couldn't pay you more, it would take him 2 second to give you 10% or 20% or whatever percent equity in his business to show you that he saw you as a long term partner who was compensated fairly for her investment in him and the business.

 

I'm not saying he didn't have feelings for you or didn't value you, but as soon as you mention marriage, family, partnership in his business, planning for a future, worrying about your financial future considering you are investing your life and time in his business and are not given any equity in it or a raise, he tosses you out. He may have wanted to be with you, but only so much... not enough to be a full partner or to plan a real future together.

 

When someone tells you they are not 'in love' with you, it means they don't see you as a partner they can commit to.. Romantic feelings ebb and flow over time, but when someone declares they are not in love with you, and if you have sex with him, you should see it as only sex and don't expect more, that is another way of saying, i don't see a future with you and am not committed to you.

 

You can try to bring this back around by talking to him and asking him what it would take for him to try again with you and would he consider it. If he won't, then i'd suggest that you start looking for another job rather than investing more time and heart in someone who doesn't want to make you an equal partner in his life or really build a family with you and share his financial future with you. What you were asking for him was only fair and not unreasonable at all, and the fact that he tossed you out over that shows you what his priorities are, and they just aren't you. i'm sorry, i don't mean to be harsh, but you were only asking from him what is reasonable and normal for someone your age and someone who has put 4 years into a relationship with him, and he has just shown you that he doesn't perceive you or the relationship with as much seriousness as you did him. When someone loves you/value you/sees a future with you, they would have handled this differently than he did.

 

Take what you learned from those years starting his business, and make plans to start your own and find a man who is really interested in a normal life with you rather than treating you as a 'free' business partner who puts in all kinds of efforts and sweat equity while he feels he owes you nothing at all for that. You do deserve more if you were shoulder to shoulder with him for 4 years and he tosses you out in an instant as soon as you tell him you want to be in a normal family situation with him and a more equal partner in the business, or compensated fairly for the time/effort you put into it.

[CocoaBean]

I did get one raise about 1.5 years ago. I want to give Him some space, and a little time to miss me. I am starting to go out more with friends and joining a gym on Monday. I do understand what you are saying. I believe he needs space. It has taken me time to realize how poorly I have treated him recently, and still understanding why. I would do things a lot different if only given the chance. I need to make more money and be able to work towards my future. But I still want him in my life. I'm not sure if I will ever feel differently.

[CocoaBean]

Tonight I will be getting my review, and will be asking for more of a raise than I know I will get. I will keep our chat work related.

He is hurting immensely over our break up as well.

I don't know how he couldn't get those feelings back while doing what we love together, this is how we fell in love.

[lavenderdove]

I think if you are getting paid less than market rate for the effort you put in, you should consider finding another job... don't let your feelings blind you to the awareness that you should be compensated fairly for your efforts, especially if he is no longer your boyfriend.

 

My suggestion would be to stick around there no more than about 3 or 4 months to see if he is softening towards you or the idea of getting back together as a couple while you also get fairly compensated for your efforts. And if he doesn't, then find another job because he has probably firmly made up his mind if he is around you that much and still not interested in reconciling.

[CocoaBean]

I think if you are getting paid less than market rate for the effort you put in, you should consider finding another job... don't let your feelings blind you to the awareness that you should be compensated fairly for your efforts, especially if he is no longer your boyfriend.

 

My suggestion would be to stick around there no more than about 3 or 4 months to see if he is softening towards you or the idea of getting back together as a couple while you also get fairly compensated for your efforts. And if he doesn't, then find another job because he has probably firmly made up his mind if he is around you that much and still not interested in reconciling.

 

 

This I can agree with. Maybe I will find that we work better together not dating and the feelings will fade. After 3/4 months we will be past the busiest time and I would feel better about leaving. Don't even want to imagine leaving, feels like cutting of another limb, but it would be a little better. Who knows a turning point in the restaurant will happen next march, if things go ok after 4 months, maybe I can get a contract with the promise for more after then.

 

I want to be together. But I need to be somewhat realistic. I believe that part of the issue really is that he doesn't believe I love him, or am attracted to him. He has been a little insecure. I have told him twice that I want to fight for him. I want to!! I can fight for him without begging and pleading. I need to show him that I have thought about things, and that I do want to learn from my mistakes. And put in the work to be better. In this situation I may be lucky that we do work together, atleast I get the chance to show him I can be different.

[Ms Darcy]

I think that it is very hard to see what he would want to come back to in that relationship. He felt like you betrayed him two years ago. Sex was dead. You two were fighting. And things got bad.

 

Yes relationships take work, but they are not this hard.

 

All you can do is let go and hope he changes his mind. Acting desperate (sleeping with him to prove something) is going to turn him off to you and respect you less. Let him go and be open to something different in the future.

[CocoaBean]

I believe that he would want to come back to the fact that we have had a lot of good together. We have been through a lot, and I have been here supporting him. I finally have my sex drive back. I am so angry that I didn't figure this out sooner.

 

I'm sorry I really don't agree that there isn't a chance. There is a LOT of good here.

[Shane Falco]

I believe that he would want to come back to the fact that we have had a lot of good together. We have been through a lot, and I have been here supporting him. I finally have my sex drive back. I am so angry that I didn't figure this out sooner.

 

I'm sorry I really don't agree that there isn't a chance. There is a LOT of good here.

 

If there was a lot of good, the relationship would be still going. There might have been a lot of good at one point, but rarely does that come back without any time to decompress. This post sounds very denial-heavy right now. You need to step back (no sex, no nothing besides business stuff) for a while until both of you can settle your emotions a bit.

[CocoaBean]

Well it has been 1 month since out break up. We spent the first 2 weeks with me trying to ignore him. Didnt have sex for a few weeks, then started again this last week. We watched a show together, cozy together, and when I got up to leave, he asked mt to say with him for another show, then invited me back later for dinner at his place. He's making beef stew .

 

We were talking later today about an issue a friend of mine is having with her baby daddy visiting from far away, and how her fiancé is dealing with it. He said he would NEVER let that happen (let the other guy stay at the house) and I said he wouldn't have to if he never dated anyone with kids (which he doesn't want). He said he didn't plan on dating at all.

 

Weird. He only wants to have sex with me, you would think he would be taking advantage of his new found freedom, he invites me over for dinner, likes my company, wants my opinion on things... But doesn't want to date anyone??

 

I love him with all my heart, I know it's a big risk, but I want to be patient with him. I have realized over the lat month how controlling i have been with him, and I want to change, and try to let go. I am in a unique situation where I have the opportunity to show him I can change. And it will be good for me too, to realize when I am doing it and stop the habit!!

 

BTW, I realize that having sex with him will not get us back together. It might even tear us further apart. I don't know. Only time will tell. I do know he wants me in his life, and he loves me and cares about me. The sex has been a,axing and full of passion. He has been "flirting" with me. Doing cute little things, "stealing" my coffee at work, hiding from me, just being cute and making me fall in love with him all over again. I get confused and try not to read in to it too much. We spent time together today, and now I need to back off a little. LC is a good idea. He needs to miss me and deal with the "consequences" of the break up. Ie. -ya don't get all my time.

 

This is hard, but I hope it will be worth it.

[FrenchFries]

Your showing him the consequences of his actions by giving him no strings attached sex? That's an interesting plan...

 

Guard your heart.

[CocoaBean]

 

 

I have loved reading this story. I wish hope75 was still around posting. I really feel that some of this is so similar. Yeah, maybe we will have to cut off the sex. One day at a time. And he is cooking me dinner.

 

If you are looking for a great reconciliation story, this is it.

[Shane Falco]

Of course he's not looking to have sex with anyone else right now. He can get it from you without an effort -- why would he go out and make an effort when he gets a sure thing from you? You aren't going to win a guy back with casual sex -- you'll just make him want to have sex with you. Men don't develop feelings from sex, they use it to fulfill physical desires. You are a release right now. If all he has to do is "flirt" a little to get some action, he'll do it because it's a hell of a lot easier than going out and trying to seduce a complete stranger at a bar or wherever.

[CocoaBean]

You very well could be right. But why the cuddling, cooking dinner, and sharing his feelings?? Still talking to me about his meds, which he is just getting off of, how they are affecting him, and about how he might try a different kind. Pretty much acting like we didn't break up, being caring and thoughtful.

 

Also, I still want to have sex with him... After not having a sex drive for like a year it has been AMAZING!! And your right, sex does not make feelings. When we started, he wanted more, and I just wanted sex. Crazy I know, but all I wanted was FWB, and was NOT interested in any sort of relationship. Then I fell in love with him. Not because of the sex. But the rest of it.

[Shane Falco]

You very well could be right. But why the cuddling, cooking dinner, and sharing his feelings?? Still talking to me about his meds, which he is just getting off of, how they are affecting him, and about how he might try a different kind. Pretty much acting like we didn't break up, being caring and thoughtful.

 

Also, I still want to have sex with him... After not having a sex drive for like a year it has been AMAZING!! And your right, sex does not make feelings. When we started, he wanted more, and I just wanted sex. Crazy I know, but all I wanted was FWB, and was NOT interested in any sort of relationship. Then I fell in love with him. Not because of the sex. But the rest of it.

 

Because it's easy to do those things. It takes little effort. Having sex with him is just not smart at all. You are overthinking this in an extreme way.

[CocoaBean]

Shane, thank you for being candid with me. So if we didn't have sex and still did the other things, he would either get bored with me, or want to try again maybe?? He has serious commitment issues, his dad has been through 2 divorces, his dad has talked to me about this. We work together rather intensely and I can't really do NC. I want to be his friend, and I do hope we get back together. I know everyone here is obsessed with NC. But some do stay friends and reconcile.