cheated 4 months ago and she brings it up alot still

[quazit]

i still feel bad for what i did but she goes thru weird phases where sometimes she will say stuff along the lines of i want to be with you forever and then i will call her a little later and shell say she doesent want to talk to me because she kind of hates me for what iv done.

 

it hurts me alot everytime she says she doesent want to talk to me or that she hates me. i have not done naything even remotaly cheating like for these 4 months and have had many chances to do things. i have even made a promise to her that i will have no physical contact with girls besides handshakes. and iv kept that promise too. iv kept it for 3 weeks (even though i normaly hug all of my friends hello/goodbye) iv tried every way i can think of to help her trust me or forgive me but she just keeps getting hurt by it over and over again and taking it out on me.

[Scout]

Well, you've learned a lesson while you're young in life that it would do you well to never forget: most relationships never fully recover from infidelity, and it's virtually impossible to ever restore the trust.

 

So, think twice before you cheat on someone in the future.

 

That being said, if you really care about this girl, I'd tell her you understand how she feels, and sometimes you hate yourself too for what you did. Tell her that you know it will take a long time to rebuild the trust, but you are willing to do what it takes to do so.

 

Finally, it is virtually impossible to forgive and forget, so please don't ever think that any discussion about cheating is the last...tell her anytime she feels the anger again, you want her to talk about it. You understand that this is a hard thing to completely get off one's chest.

 

If there is any hope, it lies in keeping the lines of communication open on this. You messed up, my friend...so you have to be prepared for a looooong road to winning back her trust.

[DBL]

You don't have much to work with when you betray someone's trust. Sounds like you learned your lesson...only if you would of thought about it in the first place. You'll know better in your next relationship.

 

DBL

[San123]

yep, thats the price you pay for cheating. She will probably never fully trust you again.

[quazit]

scout iv told her all of those things and more along those same lines. she brings it up every day and yes i say if she feels the need to bring it up but ive almost given up hope on us simply because shes a person of very very strong beliefs and before i cheated on her she had a belief that if someone cheated on another person that there was no way they could actually care about that person in the least. i dont want to give up hope i want to fight to the last. and sometimes she seems so happy with me and it rips my heart out everytime things go from us being so in love to her talking as if i cheat on her every day. she says she thinks about it every day. and i do too i suppose. she wants a logical reason for why i did it so maybe she can make that logic fit into her beliefs. but theres no logical reason for what i did. and she says that makes it alot worse because that means there is the capability of cheating as a flaw in my basic person. i dont think im capable of doing it again not after iv seen what it can do. iv had many many chances to do it again in the past 4 months but i have refrained. not even had to refrain from anything cause i simply didnt and woudlnt want to. i can think of about 20 good logical reasons to why i did it but i honestly jsut think i was stupid. if i give her these reasons is it like im just trying to make excuses for what iv done?

[Cecelius]

I hate to say it, but you're only 15 -- chances are you won't be dating her too terribly long, right?

 

You learned your lesson and my guess is you won't do it again, but think about it this way: imagine she went to a party and let some dude who's been pursuing her get her drunk and into her trousers. How would you feel? Not a great ego boost.

 

So I say take your lumps and let her make the comments. Be a man about what you did.

[Iceman26]

Chris Rock once said about guys who cheat on their significant others:

 

"Oh she'll forgive you........but she'll never forget" (that you cheated)

 

Cecelius is right, you are only 15 and are probably going to have 20 more girlfriends before you hit the age of 20 anyways, so either own up to the fact that you cheated and endure her comments, or dump her for someone who will give you a fresh start.