Sex drive but no sexual pleasure?

[xCx]

Hey, i'm a 20 year old female and have been sexually active since I was 17. Be it through masturbation, oral, digital, or vaginal sex, I have never achieved orgasm or anything that felt like I was headed toward that.

 

I am not asexual, no sexual trauma, and have had 3 relatively long term sexual partners (6months - 1.5 years) and 1 fling. I really enjoy partnered sex, unfortunately not because I experience physical pleasure from it, but i enjoy connecting with my partner in that way and would refuse to be in a sexless/minimal sex relationship.

 

So sexual desire is not an issue, but for the life of me, I can not seem to generate any physical reaction to stimulation. When i'm turned on but don't have immediate access to my boyfriend lol I do try masturbating (have used a vibrator & just fingers), but i might as well by rubbing my knee or something because no matter what i do, it just doesn't feel like anything except skin touching skin.

Same for when i'm actually having sex with my boyfriend, I do get very turned on, i'm very much an active participant in the act, but I physically just cannot feel any pleasure. (he has been with a number of partners so lack of experience/ technique is not an issue)

 

Has anyone else experienced sexual desire without the ability to feel any physical pleasure through any method? Any input much appreciated

[tatis]

My situation is alike yours. But with the difference I got 25 years of marriage. I always have been a lot more sex drive than my wife. I always make sure we have sex at least once a week. It’s not enough for me but I do the effort knowing she will fulfill her part. She knows if it’s not I’ll be into bad mood.

Some times she lets me do it but I feel she is not into it. That sucks. Anyway I prefer that to nothing at all.

I brought some toys for her but she generally refuses to use them. The only thing that she accepts some times is a vibrator. She starts saying always no, but I bring it on the bed and after a while she takes it on her.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

I am a guy, so I will suggest that you see a doctor.

 

Have you ever tried a vibrator or any other toy?

 

It would be sad if you could never ever orgasm. However, I have a hard time believing that that is the case.

[itsallgrand]

No. But maybe I don't understand. Can you clarify a bit? Is it a localized phenomenon? Or are you saying that you do not get physical pleasure either from other acts besides intercourse itself and masturbating?

 

For example, do you get physical pleasure from kissing? From being caressed, touched, etc?

 

Everybody's body and sexuality is unique. It is a matter of exploring how YOU tick, what feels good for you, what you like.

 

I think anyone can teach themselves how to get themselves off. Maybe you have rushed too fast into the physical and haven't spent enough time with the mental. Can you turn yourself on just thinking?

 

You have a gyno, right? Since you have been sexually active? And are going for all your regular exams?

[shellyf62]

I am going to get a bit personal here. Do you get turned on enough to be wet? IF there isnt enough lubrication, then things might not feel as good as they should. Have you tried lube while using the vibrator or fingers? Maybe this can help things feel nicer than just "skin on skin".

[xCx]

Hey thanks for the responses.

To clarify, I enjoy kissing, touching, oral, digital, and especially vaginal sex, but its more along the lines of mental enjoyment, rather than physical. my body reacts in the sense that i get very wet and do want to have sex, but nothing my partner or I does results in orgasm, or any feeling of building towards one.

I have tried using a vibrator, both on my own and with a partner, which made no difference. And I have seen a doctor, physically everything is normal and my hormone levels are normal too.

 

itsallgrand - interesting question in regards to turning myself on through thinking. Up until the last couple months the answer would have been 100% no. I used to only ever get turned on if I was already in physical contact with a partner, and would never fantasize (not a moral objection, simply had no desire too). only very recently have i started experiencing a desire to fantasize, so that is very new and not well developed.

 

Shelly - no worries, I appreciate the input and its a personal topic so no qualms about the question. In response, I have no problem getting wet, and in fact tend to get very wet quickly.

[itsallgrand]

Ok, well try it out! Fantasize away, use that big stimulator the brain! Hold out on the physical longer and longer. See how turned on you can get without any touching. Go through different scenarios. Play with it.

 

I can't speak for every woman but for me orgasms and pleasure starts with a lot of foreplay - mental first, physical next. No rushing. Eventually your mind and body respond so quickly that you can get crazy from the silliest little things.

 

It is something to try, anyways. Hold off on physical play (alone or with a partner) more often and longer, and enjoy the tease. Then start real slow - don't just go for the 'spots'. Go for relatively non-erogenous zones first. Explore.

 

You sound pretty normal to me. I think you just need to let your mind catch up with what your body has been doing.

[nasdaq]

I have the exact same problem as you! I'm 20 also. I get aroused easily but when we're in the act of doing something, it just feels like any other body part. There is no intense pleasure or anything it really sucks. You aren't alone! I would love to figure out what's going on

[xCx]

it's too bad we're both in this situation, but it is comforting to know i'm not the only one! hopefully we find a solution.. in addition to my own lack of pleasure, it's frustrating for my boyfriend/ makes him insecure about his 'skills' so for a multitude of reasons i'd like this to change..

[Realitynut]

LOL...don't worry about it! I started having sex with my bf when i was 18...and so was he! Didn't have my first orgasm until i was 30 or so! lol

 

I didn't even KNOW i had a "clit" until i was about 19!! Years later i bought a vibrator and practiced while i talked to my bf on phone! Then my sex life took off....and he ended things. My next partner was my husband....ugh....no sex hardly ever for 20 years! Pity

 

When i first started with the vib...it was waaay too sensitive. Didn't feel like rubbing a knee at all. I can get off much easier by myself...and watching porn....try that.