She Cheated and Left Me a Year Ago Today

[CouldWeEver]

My 22 y.o. ex met her fiance a year ago today - while we were still together. I'm pretty sure she had sex with him that first night and she ended things with me a week later (on St. Patrick's Day). She went back and forth between us for three weeks and in that time I took her to look at rings. But then she chose him saying, "I've finally found what I've been looking for for a really, really long time." I managed to out the words, "I just want you to be happy." And she responded, "I will be happy... I AM happy."

 

I fell into a deep depression and moved back in with my parents for two months. She called me after 2 months NC and said she was second-guessing her decision. When I told her I still loved her and wanted to marry her she said that actually she was just being scared because he'd asked her to move in with him at the end of the summer. Then she hung up on me.

 

Two months later I run into her and she tells me, "I'm in a good place. But I could still feel that way about you if I let myself." I tried a week later to speak to her about this and she shut me down cold, coming to the door with hardly anything on but the big diamond heart necklace he'd given her. But then 3 weeks later she sent me a text asking me to meet her out without any context as to why and when I showed up it was her going-away-to-live-with-him party. I was devastated and then out of nowhere she told me she loved me and ran off to the bathroom crying. A few days later she's in my arms in a parking lot and we're exchanging I-Love-You's and she says if she doesn't go she'll always wonder "what-if" so the next day he moves her away and into his big house in his big city (he's extremely wealthy, of course). She came back 2 weeks later and spent the night in my bed but with her clothes on and we just cuddled and then the next morning she told me she loved me and left me to go back to him. For a while she called me on her commute between her new job and his place but then one day said she needed to stop.

 

At 9 months post-breakup she calls me up and tells me she's been thinking about me a lot. She tells me she's coming back to me but she has to figure out something to tell him. Then she says she loves me and that she'll call me the next day. The next day I get a text that says, "This is the last time you'll ever hear from me. My mind's been made up for me. I'm pregnant. I'm sorry. Take care." When i called her to talk about it she was cold with me and I shattered my windshield with my phone which is the first time I've ever lost my temper and it was weird. She keeps a blog about me that he doesn't know about and she tortures me with it because she knows I read it at weak moments. She made a post the next day and in it she said how he was so much better than me among other things and a lot of it was sexual in nature. She ended it by saying she didn't need me anymore because he's all she needs and now she has a fairytale.

 

Today she's living with him, engaged to him, and pregnant with his child. He's honestly a great guy and treats her VERY, VERY well. She still posts occasionally and implies she loves me but then she'll post something that says it's my loss and then she'll post something that says she's sad. What's so damn hard is that she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life and she also treated me better than anyone in my life when we were together... the change in that has messed me up bad inside. I've been very suicidal and it's been a year and I still can't breathe and my chest hurts. I still forget to take a breath every other breath or so and with the anxiety she's caused me all my hair has fallen out. I used to be a very attractive guy but now I'm rather the opposite. I'm thinking of moving because I'm scared she'll come back in town and see me like this. I miss her so bad and I've been celibate and alone for a year. The last time I had sex was when she was going back and forth between us just before chose him.

 

I just don't want to live like this. It's crushed my soul. Before I dated her I'd taken three years off from dating because my first love who I dated for 2.5 years and lived with cheated on me also. She left me for a guy she has been happily married to for over 5 years now and has kids with. I was taking things slow with this last girl because I'd been hurt by the one before and that was her basis for leaving me. She wanted things to move fast and for me to reciprocate fully but by the time I did it was too late and she'd met someone else. I'm in my mid-thirties now and I just can't deal with anymore betrayal from the people I love. For a year I've done nothing but cry and hurt and wake up wishing I hadn't. And meanwhile she's very, very happy. I still get in my car and when I'm driving along at night I'll just scream until my throat hurts and I just now ran 15 miles so the physical pain would override the emotional but already it's wearing off so I thought I'd post something here. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[T99]

Wow. Really tough story. I went through something vaguely familiar, ie the constant suggestions she has made a mistake etc etc.

 

This girl is keeping u as a back up.

 

U must go no contact. In another year, u will realise how selfish she is by constantly keeping u emotionally instead and wasting another year of your life.

 

Do not feel sympathy for her that she is having a hard time deciding, although that is testament to your loyalty and kindness, It is not fair and u could be applying that to someone who deserves it.

 

If she had been fair and honourable she would not contact u and you would be so much better off after 12 months.

 

I honestly can relate to the anguish, and everybody I know told me what I am telling u now and I didn't want to listen, but people who really love each other never put that in doubt.

[timbit]

You know the threads you read on here about people who leave their other half completely out of the blue one day and never explain why? What your ex is doing is worse. T99 is right, she wants a back-up. Even if the fiancee left her, you'd only be a temp until she found someone else. Cut her out of your life. If she had let you move on you'd be over her by now and doing fine. It's going to be tough but you need rid of her completely.

[CouldWeEver]

I've had people tell me that she was genuinely in love with me. That it was true love. And I felt that from her. But if she's treating me this way, does that mean she no longer does despite saying she does? Did she stop? Could she love us both?

[thegirl_00]

Wow this woman is a lunatic. Stay far away from her. I feel bad for her fiancee and to be child.

[Clio]

I am very sorry about what you are going through. Actions speak louder than words. And her actions say that she does NOT love you. She only loves herself. She is VERY immature and extremely selfish. You may want to go for someone closer to your age and less of a gold digger next time.

 

She cheated on you. And she used you as an emotional back up. She will keep on stringing you along for as long as you let her. You need to stop having any kind of contact and stop looking at her blog. You are hurting yourself. You are doing this to yourself. You need to get out of the victim mentality and go back to your life. Wipe her out of your life. You got over heartbreak in the past. You can do it again. Set new goals and go after them. And if you have the means, it may be helpful to seek some therapy. You need to find out why you feel that you do not deserve any better. Because you most definitely do. Good luck!

[SapphireNoir10]

She is selfish and very cruel. I feel sorry for you and sorry for this new guy.

 

One day you'll see you've had a lucky escape. He's set for a life of drama and wondering if she'll move on or cheat on him and move on etc.

 

She obviously thinks people are at her disposal and her game playing is a WHOLE new level of gameplaying.

 

I know it hurts a lot and it'll take time to get over but oneday you'll see she is not a good person. She cheated on you and him. You deserve better.