how heartless and selfish!

[mrb]

Well i have been single for 6, nearly 7 months. i've been ok for the most part, had some bizarre encounters with her during, but what im really going to talk about here, is whats happened in the past month, its been a complete rollercoaster for me, and i would love for some outsiders opinions on this, and maybe a little bit of moral support i guess, im really needing some advice on the situation, so please please please be patient and read through, because this is looking like its going to be the final nail in the coffin!

 

so a bit of backstory, please read this thread here ( ) .. will save me from typing it out, plus i cant really remember! and then this is what happened a few days after ( )

 

So now im talking from after that point. She ended up calling me on the 15th and asking some things about her xbox live, and her laptop. It was really strange, espeically after our conversation in the 2nd link there. She needed my help and was asking for it, i kept debating in my head wether to go up or not, but i bit the bullet, me and my friend went up and got it fixed for the most part, just needed a few things she had to arrange with her sister regarding emails security questions and stuff. She asked us if we wanted to buy her tickets for a gig, she couldnt go because she had a work party on that night, we were interested, so we all went to collect the tickets, it was fun, everything kind of felt "normal", but still a little weird ( at least for me ). So i dropped her off, and said i would get back to her, she was willing to drop them off as she knew we were going out that night. She eventually got things sorted and thanked me for my help, we started texting back and forth, was good messages, fun, she was quite enthusiastic towards me which got me kind of confused, asking how my night was going etc. I realise now she was probably just being friendly. The next day i was texting her saying il pick them up, then my buddy decided he didnt want to go, so i said to her sorry, we're just going to leave it. Said i would try ask around but she didnt get back to me. That was the last time i spoke to her.

 

Out at a club on saturday night ( few days ago ). Crazy busy, like firehazard busy, and who do i bump into, my exes friend, so i cuddle her, and as i look over her shoulder, there is my ex! It's laughable! When i saw her i just kind of sighed and shook my head like "here we go again". i didnt speak to her or anything, just kind of smiled towards her and gave her a nod, her friend came out with "well this is awkward", so i just told them to go, because i was going to get a drink. Not really relevant, but i ended up bumping into them again 5 minutes later as i was walking to another bar area to get served and they were coming back from the toilet.

 

So since then, she's been on my mind kind of on and off. More so yesterday and today. Today i did something very stupid, and i text her "we're never going to be able to fix things, are we x" . She didnt know who i was because she got a new phone, so i told her, then she said "ah hello my fellow friend, no we wont be able to fix things im in a totally different place now, but i do appreciate how open minded you've always been about us, how have you been? x"

 

my reply - "after seeing you the other night i just started thinking about things and wanted to talk over some of them with you. il just leave it though, there isnt really any point i guess, you probably dont want to hear any of it anyway x "

her reply - "to be honest i dont want to talk things over, my minds still made up and i will never give us another chance, but i wish you all the best in life x"

me - " i know that, it was more for myself really, im not trying to get you back, think you maybe misunderstood. thanks but thats a pretty harsh message to send x"

her - "sorry but i dont feel that theres any point in talking im just being honest x"

i've not text back as i really dont know what to say

 

Basically my feelings towards what she told me weeks ago ( in the closure thread ), the more i've thought about it, the more i've actually came to think that it was all bullcrap, and i've really stupidly ate it all up!!! The more i think about it, she has basically gave me the "it's not you, it's me" line, but added bells, whistles, tinsel and a whole new paintjob to it! Thats how i feel towards it anyway.

The more i think about it, the more i begin to feel as if i was used that day fixing her laptop, or like she wanted to see if she could still control me. I genuinly fixed her laptop, but it all just feels like an alibye now.

The more i think about her saying she cares about me and wants me to be happy, and she cant give me what i want, WELL! Of course she could!! It's not that she couldnt be with me, it's that she didnt WANT to be with me, and i guess i wanted to confront her about all of this and try get some truth out of her, because the more i thought of everything, the more it just didnt make sense, and it just got me upset about potentially being lied to, and also angry. I also in the back of my head cant help thinking that she had eyes for another, but she has been firm in saying there is no other, and as far as im aware, she hasnt been dating anyone, although i am doubting both her, and myself for beleiving, it just all doesnt add up for me

 

What the hell is this different place? Has she all of a sudden in the space of a few weeks gotten over all these past demons, and became a stronger/better person for it? I think the manner in which she text me was really dis-respectful, and it got me angry, although im really biting my tongue here, i dont think its the right idea sending a harsh text, but i really do want to tell her that i've tried so hard for her, and all she has done is be selfish and tell me half truths, lead me on with stupid breadcrumbs and mess with my head, that she is a horrible person and im truly better off without her, and that i wont stand for her crap any more. She made the decision on behalf of us both to walk out of my life so horribly, i just had to live with it.

 

I really just feel as if i've been made out to be a complete fool, and i probably am.

I'm lonely and trying to pick up the peices of my broken heart, while she is out living the life. I know she will be lonely at times too, but i just think she is in a much better place than me, and probably most of all, the rejection and feeling like i've been lied to and ate it up has killed me.

[mhowe]

She didn't lie -- she told you that she didn't want to be in a relationship with you. Whatever words/bells/whistles -- don't matter.

 

She broke it off. Has made it clear she doesn't want to get back together.

 

The "different place" --- is letting go of the past and embracing the future. She was not disrespectful -- she is holding to her boundaries. It wasn't harsh -- just because she doesn't want to talk about it again -- because there is nothing to be gained.

 

She made the decision for herself. That is how it works.

[mrb]

thanks mhowe.

hurts to think she has moved on, it really really does. shes the best and worst thing to have ever happened to me. I really don't know why i all of a sudden got these weird feelings. I think it was seeing her at the club

 

edit

and i know this is a bad way of thinking, but looking over the years we spent together, she had alot of misfortune in jobs and uni, i was always there for her and provided for her, helped her out. When she went through all her troubles and had very little friends, was alone. And then when she got her new career and then car, new friends, it was as if i was thrown to the side because i wasnt needed any more. it really breaks my heart. i've told her that before and she assures me that it wasnt the case. Im down and im kicking myself here

[mhowe]

It was seeing her -- but don't wish her ill. And don't vent to family or friends and drag down what you once valued.

 

Realize it happened, it was great -- and it is over.

 

And you will find someone else, some day....it isn't the end of the world. It feels like it sometimes, but it isn't.

[SapphireNoir10]

Agreed with the above. Enjoy the fact you had good times with her and try and chalk it up to just a relationship that sadly didn't work out.

 

It does get easier.

[mhowe]

You are just feeling sorry for yourself. If you are a great catch -- some one else will hook you soon enough.

[rosasnyder811]

I had a horrible situation like this, too. You just have to learn to move on, and someone better will come along. Who knows, maybe this one will come back around someday, and it will be too late for her.

[mrb]

Thanks for your replies. I definatly am feeling sorry for myself, and she has admitted so many times before that im a great catch, which is always hard to hear. i genuinly want to move on, but a tiny little piece of my heart really wants for her to come back, or at least miss me / regret her decision. I think this has been the lonliest i have ever felt since we broke up. It scares me thinking that its nearly 7 months.

 

I do look back and enjoy the time spent, she will (probably)always hold a special place in my heart, it's just because it all ended so sudden without warning. The decision was made one day and i was left behind.

 

Thanks again for your words

[mhowe]

She admits you are great catch -- but doesn't want you. That is all...

 

She will not come back. Don't go there. She won't regret her decision -- in fact, she has put it behind her. She did not make the decision in a day -- you know her....she thought it out...and came to the conclusion that worked for her/her life.

 

And it takes 2 people to be in a relationship. When one doesn't want to stay -- the other (you) needs to accept it and move on. You hold a special place in her heart, as she does in yours.

 

"Stay calm and carry on".