amyg091 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 My Boyfriend and i have been together a year and a half. I've never had to worry about him cheating. However he is a very flirty person. I love his charm, Burr whenever he talks to women, he comes off as flirty, whether it's a waitress, a customer at his work, or my friends and family. He's acknowledged that he does this But says it doesn't mean anything. Should i be concerned our is it harmless? If love a guys perspective... Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Is it overly sexual, or overly friendly? Link to comment
amyg091 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 It isn't sexual...like he doesn't make sexual comments or anything. It's overly friendly I would say. Like joking around, compliments, etc. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Well, you cant change who he is. As long as its harmless and not offensive get used to the fact that he is a friendly person. If it iritates you too much, eventually you will resent him for who he is. People with personalities like his usually need a partner that can roll their eyes and laugh. Link to comment
amyg091 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 Well I am able to roll with it and laugh as long as I know that it's harmless. That's why I wanted a guy's opinion - to know whether, in general, a guy would be flirty with other women just because, or if it's like a "red flag" that he may do more one day...like I said it isn't sexual, and I have never had to worry about him cheating on me or lying to me...I personally don't flirt with someone unless I"m attracted to them, so I wanted to see if it is different for guys... Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Well I am able to roll with it and laugh as long as I know that it's harmless. That's why I wanted a guy's opinion - to know whether, in general, a guy would be flirty with other women just because, or if it's like a "red flag" that he may do more one day...like I said it isn't sexual, and I have never had to worry about him cheating on me or lying to me...I personally don't flirt with someone unless I"m attracted to them, so I wanted to see if it is different for guys... I have a pretty friendly, outgoing personallity. Years of bartending in my younger days made me sort of a flirt, BUT I know my wife can find it a challenge so I reel it in. If you arent bothered by it, then I wouldn't worry about it. If he has never given you reason to believe he would cheat, I wouldn't suspect him being a little more freindly than others as a reason. To be clear, being friendly, and even complimentary isnt neccessarily "flirting" Link to comment
amyg091 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 He has gotten better about it since we've been dating, but it still comes out. He's started a new job working with a bunch of women and I think that's what's made me a little more nervous about it. He may not mean it as flirting, but I know that women take it as flirting. My cousin, for example, has pointed out that she feels like he flirts with her, and her boyfriend feels that my boyfriend flirts with her. I just don't want to get down the road a few years and find out that the flirting has turned into cheating. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Well, thats a whole other can of worms entirely, as there seems to be some insecurity on your part. Sadly, we live in a world that is so over sexualized that people automatically relate friendliness to sexual flirtation. Only you can judge if he is crossing the border you establish. You will have to establish one with him. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I think it's just who he is as a person and it's up to you to decide if it's something you want to put up with or not. Simple as that. It doesn't sound like he means harm, but I do think out of respect for you, maybe he could reel it in a bit (like Edmund says he does) so you're more comfortable. But that is a choice that he has to make. And who knows, he may not be able to. Some people are flirts and it's very hard for them to not be super, super friendly and flattering. I guess the real question is, what do you think he would do IF the opportunity presented himself? If this is who he is as a person, it's likely that down the road, SOME woman (or more than one) will take it as more than just being friendly and may begin to like him and hit on him back, possibly wanting sex. This may not be an issue if he's the faithful type and tells her "no" and cuts off any friendship. But could he do that? I have no idea. That's up to you to decide. Link to comment
amyg091 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 He's never cheated in a past relationship, and I've never worried he's cheated on me. I guess I should just talk to him and ask him why he flirts...we've talked about and agreed on what we both think is considered cheating, so I'm nto worried there. It does bother me though when he flirts...it makes me feel like he doesn't think I"m enough. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 I am just curious, what sort of things does he give compliments about? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 it makes me feel like he doesn't think I"m enough. I don't know that it necessarily means anything, I think it can just become a habit with some people. Link to comment
amyg091 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 I am just curious, what sort of things does he give compliments about? Well, he'll compliment my girl friends and female cousins, saying they look pretty, they're awesome, things like that. Strangers, he doesn't really compliment, but he'll joke around with them and laugh and do things that seem flirty. Link to comment
amyg091 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 I think it is a habit. i think that's the only way he knows how to communicate with women...because he used to talk to women to hit on them, it's what he knows. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 It does bother me though when he flirts...it makes me feel like he doesn't think I"m enough. Well, as I mentioned before, that is a reflection of your own insecurity, not his actions. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 friendly can seem flirty depending on your perspective. i really wouldn't worry about it, esp if he hasnt given you any reason to be untrusting. i'm pretty flirty tbh, and if i'm attracted to someone (while in a relationship), i would go out of my way to NOT be flirty out of sheer guilt/trying to cover it up, you know? Link to comment
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