JadedLove Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Hello, I'm having trouble reading some signals and whether or not this guy likes me. It's been about 6 weeks of seeing each other once a week/sometimes twice. He calls me to talk about once a week. In person he's told me that he really likes me and that even the fact that we went out on a second date together was "shocking" We have opened up to each other. There are moments when I see vulnerability in him. In general he comes accross as pretty secure but has moments where I can see that he definintely has an insecure and shy side. He's invited me out and paid for every date, driven 40 minutes to come see me each time. On the other hand... He prioritizes his friends in a way I've never seen. It seems like he's always doing something with them. When we talk about plans on say a Wednesday - he doesn't actually HAVE plans with his friends just potentially and says he needs to check with them and get back to me. Then he'll message me mid afternoon on the Satruday to either say he can't do something or to ask me to do something (when it's this short notice I have ended up making plans each time and decline). I'm letting him initiate most plans and he is generally last minute. I think that maybe half of our dates were planned and half are "back up" plans. If he is last minute I usually decline because I have other plans and then suggest something else (like just meeting for breakfast on sunday). I will initiate a message to him every other day or so but if I don't he will rarely message me at all - one phone call a week and then texting usually to make plans, if that. He's brought up a lot of issues with his ex. It seems like he's scared to lose his freedom. He came over to cook one day and I asked him to help and he made a comment about "the last one made me do that...". Or I'll mention a show that I like and he will say that he used to be FORCED to watch that with the ex, etc... I'm just wondering the right moves. I don't have experience with guys moving so slowly. In my experience guys who like me are in contact with me a lot and want to see me or at least show a bit more enthusiasm about seeing me, not waiting to the last minute. I've backed off a bit. I'm not overwhelming him with texts or being needy, I'm going on with my life. We are exclusive but he made the point to say that it's way to early for anything else - boyfriend/girlfriend or meeting friends, etc... I'm not freaking out over it, I really do like him and am nervous about overwhelming him because usually I am very chatty and love texting and staying connected so I'm making sure he has his space but at the same time I don't want to waste time on someone who's just not that into me. The rational side of me is saying that 6 weeks is too soon for thinking that maybe he should step up and make me a priority over his friends but at the same time I end up feeling like a back up because he makes sure he checks with his friends first and if no one wants to do something THEN he asks me. Any Advice? Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Have you ever thought that maybe, instead of checking on potential plans with his friends, he's checking with his wife? Link to comment
chai714 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I wholeheartedly disgree with oldenoughtoknow. You should always assume that people have good intentions (because most of the time, they do). Jaded, I think you're approaching the crossroads of deciding whether or not you want to continue dating him. If your dates are seemingly contingent upon plans with his friends and are consistently made at the last minute, maybe his lifestyle doesn't mesh well with yours. You could also consider joking with him and make him aware of his behavior by asking him, "ask your buddies if it's cool that me and you hang out Saturday night." That just might make him aware enough to change his behavior. Good luck. Link to comment
MorningSong Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I see tons of red flags here. Especially, when he talk about his ex a lot, in fact, it's from my first hand experience. My ex mentioned about his ex before me A LOT, I thought I should be understanding, after all, they were over. After we been together for 10 months, he told me that he still feels for his ex, and he even asked why I didn't notice it. lessons learned. Well, maybe your guy is different, I'd be very cautious if I were you. Link to comment
Cherry1010 Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I see tons of red flags here. Especially, when he talk about his ex a lot, in fact, it's from my first hand experience. My ex mentioned about his ex before me A LOT, I thought I should be understanding, after all, they were over. After we been together for 10 months, he told me that he still feels for his ex, and he even asked why I didn't notice it. lessons learned. Well, maybe your guy is different, I'd be very cautious if I were you. Agree. Be careful I say. Link to comment
zep Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 It doesnt sound like he likes you very much, and the comments he's making about his ex are pretty obnoxious. The cooking thing? "the last one made me do that"? ugh. I would stop seeing him. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 He is not over his ex. I would stop seeing him. Link to comment
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