About to call it quits for several reasons - Drugs, Dishonesty and an STD.

[PerhapsNot]

I'll try to shorten this so that it's not a novel, but there's just so much to explain.

So here it goes...

 

My husband and I are having a baby. I'm due in June and this is my first pregnancy. We have been friends for years, started dating in May, living together since August and married since December. Yes - it all happened really, really fast but it felt right - at first anyway.

 

In October I found that he'd been talking to other women online and had a dating profile where he was "just looking for hookups" even though we were together and exclusive at that time (this happened back in May, June and July). He claims it was a joke but I don't believe him. Since I found all of this, we have done nothing but argue. I can't trust him, he's lied to me about so many things aside from this.

 

He has two kids from previous relationships and he has them half the time. I see how he is with them and it worries me. He can be a supportive and loving father at times, but he sometimes gets tired of them and just wants to be left alone. He will curse at them and call his 7 year old son "Sh*t for brains" and other derogatory terms if he makes a mistake or does something incorrectly on school work or on a video game (or anything else for that matter.) I admit that I have a potty mouth too, but I NEVER call his kids bad names and I make a conscientious effort to limit my profanity when they're around. He's perfectly fine with letting his kids ride in the car with him after he's had a few beers, he smokes in the car around them (I don't smoke, never have, and I cannot tolerate it. It gives me a migraine within minutes.)

He sees nothing wrong with bringing them to his friends' houses where they drink all the time, smoke indoors around the kids, take pills (painkillers, and whatever they can get their hands on...) I'm sorry but I think though that stuff is a personal choice, it should not be done around little kids (all of whom are ages 1-10). It just isn't a safe environment.

 

A few weeks ago, my husband and I had a huge fight because he wanted to go drink with a friend and he had both kids this particular weekend. I wasn't okay with this, and made it known. He became angry because he thinks I want to control him, so he took of, dropped his kids off with his mom, and disappeared until 3 or 4 in the morning. When he finally came home, he admitted that he went out, bought a gram of cocaine and drove around all night high.

 

I've had depression issues since childhood, and through therapy and antidepressants, I am usually okay and stable. I have my own business which I run from home. Through all of the arguing though, I have picked up a bad habit which I haven't partaken in in years: Cutting myself. For me, it is a means of releasing some of the frustration and pain I feel from the constant fighting and degradation I get from him. He does an excellent job of making me feel like my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas are all stupid, unimportant and an inconvenience for him.

I hate that I have gotten this way again.

 

In another explosive argument, he and I got into a physical fight (keep in mind, I am pregnant and at the time I was 5 months along.)

It started because he wanted me to leave his friend's house so they could drink and do pills together without me saying anything. He said "Let's go talk outside for a minute" and proceeded to try and push me out the door and lock it behind me. I knew what he was doing and I had my foot in the door, pushed my way back in and it started with just some shoving/pushing and ended up on the floor and I bit his chest and he grabbed my hair and started to bash my head into the hardwood floor. In the blur of it all, I'm not clear on what happened next but I know I bit him again and he continued to hit my head on the floor.

 

Now, fast forward to last week. I started feeling really sick: cold chills, fever, headache, my whole body hurt and I noticed some other things that prompted me to go to the doctor. My husband has given me herpes. I feel so awful and disgusting and angry. In his defense he told me before we first slept together, but we were careful. I got tested several times over the last few months and I didn't have them. Now, however, I suppose he got careless and comfortable because he didn't tell me he was experiencing an outbreak a couple of weeks ago when we had sex. He told me AFTER THE FACT that I should get checked out in case he had given it to me, and he just didn't think to tell me. ***?

I am in so much physical pain and emotional pain right now. I have been to the ER twice because apparently the first outbreak is the worst, especially for women. I can't even urinate for hours at a time because of the pain.

 

Everything considered, I guess I am just really, really crushed and burnt out and angry and so many other negative emotions that I just don't want to deal with it anymore. My marriage is not fulfilling or supportive. If anything, it is a hinderance to my personal progression and well being. I have lost so many friends because of him, and I feel like I have lost myself. I want more out of life in general, and I want much more for my unborn child.

 

Am I being heartless for walking away? It hurts so bad in some ways because despite it all I DO love him. I just don't think he loves me the same, and it has made me so resentful and angry towards him.

[Snny]

In October I found that he'd been talking to other women online and had a dating profile where he was "just looking for hookups" even though we were together and exclusive at that time (this happened back in May, June and July). He claims it was a joke but I don't believe him.

My ex did the same thing and was a cheater. Don't believe this cover up. This is absolutely disrespectful toward his relationship with you.

 

His habits around his children also concern me too. I work with adolescents who have parents that are verbally abusive and use put-downs on them. It has serious effects on the children's self-esteem and they mirror the behavior toward other child AND adults since they believe that is how adults speak to others. plus he's a drug addict... what kind of example is he setting for his kids?

 

In another explosive argument, he and I got into a physical fight (keep in mind, I am pregnant and at the time I was 5 months along.)

leave him. I'm dead serious. Leave him, set the divorce papers in motion, and start pressing charges over this behavior. There is no excuse for this; especially when you are pregnant. Find some services that will help you cope with this. This is not something you should tolerate for the safety of you AND your child.

[skygreen1111]

wow... he sounds like a total Douchebag.

 

I hate to say this but he's only going to get worse. You need to trust your instincts and not your heart on this one....

[skygreen1111]

As for the cutting, i used to do that when i was a teenager. I've found exercise can give the same endorphin release. It's harder when you are pregnant, but take up running or something. Learn to focus your emotions into exercise until your body is exhausted. It will have the same effect and you will get in better shape without scars and social stigma.

 

BUt you should really get the hell out of there. somebody who smashes your head into the floor is only going to do worse later....

[tjcalif]

That is awful.. I just got out of a simular situation with cheating and yesturday was it for me. I haven't put my story out there but my lesson I learned is trust yourself Thats it..

I was so mad at myself I was like What the f### is wrong with me? Why am I even talking to him?? He is a pile and a liar. Sorry about the rant I am just discusted that I and all of us dont seem to think much of ourselves to even take one day of this bull ****

[_Asti_]

I could barely get through this without thinking "Are you serious?"

 

Get away. Now. Take you and your unborn baby away from this man. It is not a healthy environment at all. Especially for your unborn child. You are not being heartless by leaving him. This isn't a healthy relationship, it is abusive and will destroy you and your child. I wouln'td even want to be near a man who behaves like that, let alone remain married and raise a child with him.

[wolflovesmoon]

pills and drugs and all those stuff should be an enough sign for you.. unless if he was having addiction and willingness to go to therapy, but since he probably think its fine then there is no place for him in your life,easy said than done i know.. beside this no man jokes about putting a profile online and try hook ups,, we do it if we do it because we want to hook up for real. and because we want secretive affairs outside of our marriage. take your unborn baby and go away,, you don`t need that baby to be called **** brains in the future,, you can try and help those kids if you care by calling those child services and tell them,, they may be able to do something since he sound to be verbally abusive.

when i started dating my now wife, i made few stupid mistakes.. it was complicated but i got my self out and i completely changed because i wanted to. sometimes we do need a call to wake up,, maybe it his turn when you leave him.. or don`t make it your concern. just do what`s best for your baby and your self. and sorry things got that far in your life