I'm discouraged...but want to be happy

[Celadon]

I'm trying to stay on the positive side here, but I admit I'm discouraged about finding love.

 

A guy I've been interested in is into someone else, so I'm bummed about that.

 

Sometimes, I get the feeling I'll never find someone and it's like there's nothing I can do about it. I feel defeated by the challenge, instead of confident that it'll happen.

 

I mean, the part that's hard is we can't *make* anyone like us. So...how do we stay happy and positive when we *want* to love and be loved, but nothing's happening?

 

Sometimes I get discouraged and feel like, since love is "the ultimate," there's not much else that brings that kind of satisfaction. We have friends, and we can treat ourselves well, but ... they're not the same as being in love. I guess they seem "smaller" than being in love??

 

Don't mean to be a downer. I just really want to ask for advice on how to be happy and not discouraged. Thanks!

[Scout]

You know something? I struggle with this feeling all the time. So many times I want to give up on finding love, but ultimately, I know I can't do that.

 

I've decided that finding love is hard. Keeping love is hard. Once you accept that fact that it's not easy, it gets better. I think many of us are under the impression that it shouldn't be so difficult, so we get discouraged when we find out it is. Well, for whatever reasons, it is difficult, and we just have to decide that we are going to keep trying.

 

I recently met someone that seemed very into me. You'll recall my post about first impressions...same guy. Well, he's totally disappeared into the void somewhere, and I am struggling with feelings of shock and serious doubt about my judgement. I PM'd with DBL about this and he gave me some great advice. Basically, it comes down to we have to keep doggedly trying, putting ourself out there constantly, go out and be seen...and don't give up. We're going to go through a LOT of people in our search, but someone, somewhere, will eventually delight in finding us and will make that very apparent.

 

I also found a great article on attracting your ideal partner. It's a bit long, but truly worth the read. link removed

 

Don't give up Katie! Ever!! When you make a lot of effort to do anything, something's bound to happen. That is a fact.

 

- Scout

[RayKay]

I know exactly how you feel, I have been there as well - especially when you have had something wonderful, you wonder if it will ever happen again!

 

It can be a bit sad sometimes, to wonder if you will ever find something amazing and wonderful, especially when everyone else seems to have been able to!

 

Just put trust that the universe has great plans for you, and there is someone you will cross paths with. We have more than one soulmate, and if one cannot be in our lives for whatever reason, there will be another one placed in our path. I am not religious, but I AM spiritual, and I do believe that we all deserve happiness, and if we only promise ourselves to not settle and that we deserve the best, that is what we will receive.

 

You will again meet someone whom you fall madly for, but more importantly who falls madly for you. No, we can't "MAKE" someone love us physically, but whom we are as individuals, the lessons we learned from the past, our behaviours, our relationship abilities, can definitely induce them too! Just be confident that you are a GREAT woman and a very very lucky guy would LOVE to have you in his life!

 

If you can't find someone right now...it is because the universe has someone bigger and better out there for us!

[Celadon]

Thanks, Scout and RayKay. You've help set my head (and heart) a little straighter.

 

I agree, the search for love is hard, and it's best not to be in denial about that fact! I think I have been in denial, partly because I fell for him so easily -- and I wanted it to just flow on for him, too. But it's never the "falling" part that's hard, but finding the good men -- and being available to be found by them.

 

Scout, I'm sorry to hear about that fella who initially sounded so promising. I was really rooting for you. That's disappointing that he just disappeared - whatta loser of a guy. I'm glad you were able to get some wisdom from DBL though.

 

I'll read that article you suggest. In fact, I've already printed it out!

 

And RayKay, you remind me to focus on what I do have to offer - thanks for that! Even if this one guy doesn't see much in me, I think I can be pleased and feel confident that I *do* offer some good things. We all need to know in our hearts all the reasons why we are good catches, right? And we ARE!

 

I'm feeling better now. Thanks for the wisdom, gals.

[RayKay]

 

I'm feeling better now. Thanks for the wisdom, gals.

 

Anytime, glad it helped

[Scout]

Even if this one guy doesn't see much in me, I think I can be pleased and feel confident that I *do* offer some good things.

 

Ok, the self-negative thoughts are gonna have to go if you're serious about searching for love. You don't know if this guy sized you up and decided there wasn't "much" to see...who knows what affected his thinking process. Or if he even has a rational thinking process. And you've sure got a hell of lot to offer, not just "some good things."

 

Honestly, Katie...you just don't know what makes people tick. The guy I referred to earlier seemed completely besotted with me. I figure anyone who could act in such extremes has got some serious issues that might really freak me out if I ever discovered what they are.

 

And yeah, I have my own issues, too. The ones I can't fix, I've accepted and tried to soften. The point is, always stay self-aware, while focusing on your positive traits.

 

AND KEEP LOOKING. It's a quest, and one worth taking.

[RayKay]

Scout, curious how you met Mr. Hot And Cold?

 

Fortunately the hot date from Saturday has been talking to me today already, and we already have a date set up for Wednesday for sushi - and he was one that pursued me and asked me when I had time/wanted to go out again...great feeling!

[Scout]

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but it was through the Internet.

[RayKay]

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but it was through the Internet.

 

Don't be embarrassed, 70% of my dating happens through the internet! I have had some great relationships come from them, as well as friends too.

 

Guy I met this weekend is through internet, but it turns out we have probably crossed paths many times, as we have some friends in common and more so, we have raced at same bike races too! He is an adventure racer (something I want to get into actually, which is even better!) but does do bike races sometimes too, which is what my focus is in so we must of been bound to meet SOMEDAY! Now I have to find out why some of these friends were holding out on me

 

Unfortunately a hazard of online can be it is so easy to get dates and meet someone else...people suffer from "what else is out there" syndrome and if first date is not PERFECT wonder what else they can find.

[Scout]

Unfortunately a hazard of online can be it is so easy to get dates and meet someone else...people suffer from "what else is out there" syndrome and if first date is not PERFECT wonder what else they can find.

 

Exactly, and I always preach that to people about Internet dating, so that's why I'm embarrassed to admit I tried it once again.

[Mun]

Ladies don't be embarrassed about dating internet guys. In this day and age it's to be expected. It's just another place where you happen to meet men ....and sometimes a very convenient one at that .

 

If people are finding love on the internet, why not give it a try 8)

 

K8tie, stay positive girl, nobody ever gained something by giving up.

[Scout]

The problem is, I'm not finding love on the Internet. What I am finding are some seriously damaged goods. Still, I hear that other people have found it, so I'm not saying don't go for it. But like RayKay said, that quantity vs. quality mentality is surely out there - and a lot worse - so be careful people.

[Alabama]

I still want to find love, but I've just learned to be happy with what I have and keep moving towards my dreams and goals. It would be nice to have love, but you shouldn't feel a great need to go after it...if it happens one day great! If not, you still have a life to live...remember that! Good luck!

[Celadon]

Interesting sub-thread on Internet dating! I've only done it once, but I agree with RayKay - there IS this weird sense that a date has to be perfect or it's adios! Guess we give people less of a chance when we don't know them from Adam.

 

Alabama and Muneca, thanks for the encouragement. Tonight, I'm taking it easy and relaxing. Tomorrow, I'll get back out there and take the world by storm!

[Alabama]

Awesome! I wish you the best of luck!

[Derek]

recently met someone that seemed very into me. You'll recall my post about first impressions...same guy. Well, he's totally disappeared into the void somewhere, and I am struggling with feelings of shock and serious doubt about my judgement. I PM'd with DBL about this and he gave me some great advice.

 

 

Yo,

 

He's just not that into you...

 

You deserve better than a flake.

 

...

 

 

He's Just Not That Into You : The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

by Greg Behrendt (Author), Liz Tuccillo (Author)

amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/068987474X/702-5915246-7477638

 

 

[Celadon]

Me again. I just wanted to add this: Giving up a crush sure can feel like breaking up with someone! Not as exaggerated, but like that.

 

Yesterday, though, I was proud of myself. I got an e-mail from the guy I had the crush on (we're working together on a project), and I kept my reply friendly but to the point. I didn't try to ask questions so as to get him to answer me. I didn't say anything more than what was needed. I put my boundary in place, and somehow by doing that, I feel like I respected myself. Cool. 8)