Crazy about someone on youtube

[erzerum7]

What to do about someone you're crazy about from a distance? I've never met this girl in person, I've never communicated except a very short 2 message email exchange. Which ended because she has no plans as of yet to sing in the city in which I live. She's not a celebrity, she's a graduate student who's very talented at singing and has several dozen videos of herself on youtube. I find myself so drawn to her in every way - beauty, culture, language, intellect, accomplishments, interests, etc. - I just wish I could get to know her. She lives more than 300 miles away.

 

I just saw a new video of her singing that makes my heart ache and my eyes well up because I have no way of getting to know her.

[Ayanokōji]

Maybe you're just in love with her music, not her?

It makes absolutely 0 sense to be able to fall in love with someone who you haven't even met nor had the time to communicate thoroughly and know not much about. It sounds like a crush/infatuation and if you want to call it love then I would say you are in love with her music, not her.

[MisterKoo]

A Crush/infatuation IS actually "falling in love" with someone who you don't know perfectly well. (It can range from knowing just her perks down to only knowing of her existence) Falling in love is to be "swept off your feet". To "fall head over heels in love". It is an emotion from the "heart".

 

I think what you meant to say is that he doesn't "truly love" her like the way a person loves their parents or husband/wife. "True" love is when you could take a bullet for that person because you know them well. I'm sure OP is aware he doesn't "truly love" her enough to take a bullet for her. However he is simply admitting that is falling in (crazy) emotional puppy love. The attraction is just incredibly strong here.

 

erzerum, I support your goals (if you seen my posts you would realise I support everything whether it be helping others or harming others as long as it's about personal gain.. HAHAHAHA fk im evil.). However, you have to know your particular situation is FKin DIFFICULT.. LOL. It's possible but FKin AMBITIOUS.. True she is not a celebrity (yet) but actually the approach that you would need to take is very similar to if she was one. The method is actually simple. She's a girl so you just do things to attract a girl and try to get close to her. However the difficulty lies in the fact that she's SO GOOD/popular, etc. This leads to the clearest way I think I can explain it to you which is that "the competition is much much stronger". She's in "spotlight" which naturally draws more other guys (your competition) towards her. If other guys are brave, you gotta be more brave. If other guys are exciting, you gotta be more exciting. If other guys are starting to get to know her a little, you need to get to know her faster or more. Last but not least (is this your biggest issue?), if other guys have already spent some money to go meet/visit her, you gotta spend even more money and go meet/visit her more.

 

Some more specific examples:

- Fly to her area but you must not just go and waste your time/money. You would have to make the most of it. At least talk to her in person or something.

- Improve the email messages by making them more interesting/sexy.

- Do something musical yourself to build rapport with her.

- Convince her to come to your [beautiful?] city.

 

What to do about someone you're crazy about from a distance? Close the distance. (Need to incur travel expenses)

 

Fans sometimes do "get it on with the artist" but it's rare. Artists usually date other artists. If you are serious/determined then you need to start ASAP before she becomes "too" popular for you. The higher she flies, the harder it will be to catch her.

[itsallgrand]

That's called fandom. You are a fan.

 

Hardly the basis for a real relationship. It's totally about the image she has projected. And how that feeds into your own image of yourself, your own dreams.

 

Love is about who a person is under the skin. That's my humble opinion.

 

You could pursue her if you wanted, and maybe even get some bites, but I wouldn't lie to myself about what it is about. It's more about feeding your own illusions than being crazy about a person (for who they are).

[erzerum7]

Maybe you're just in love with her music, not her?

It makes absolutely 0 sense to be able to fall in love with someone who you haven't even met nor had the time to communicate thoroughly and know not much about. It sounds like a crush/infatuation and if you want to call it love then I would say you are in love with her music, not her.

 

That's called fandom. You are a fan.

 

Hardly the basis for a real relationship. It's totally about the image she has projected. And how that feeds into your own image of yourself, your own dreams.

 

Love is about who a person is under the skin. That's my humble opinion.

 

You could pursue her if you wanted, and maybe even get some bites, but I wouldn't lie to myself about what it is about. It's more about feeding your own illusions than being crazy about a person (for who they are).

 

I understand what both of you are saying, and I agree that this couldn't be love, but it's not just about the music, it's about the overall things we have in common: common heritage, common language, a love for folk music we hold in common (don't worry, she won't "become big," at least not in the English-speaking world), both of us are graduate students in science, similar backgrounds of parents, a sense of civic/community involvement, etc. I obviously don't know this girl deep down, but it's not just about music.

 

And I so wish I could get to know her.

[EssexMan]

I understand what both of you are saying, and I agree that this couldn't be love, but it's not just about the music, it's about the overall things we have in common: common heritage, common language, a love for folk music we hold in common (don't worry, she won't "become big," at least not in the English-speaking world), both of us are graduate students in science, similar backgrounds of parents, a sense of civic/community involvement, etc. I obviously don't know this girl deep down, but it's not just about music.

 

What exactly is it that you want? To meet her? To communicate with her? Her to listen to you? Her to tell you things?

[erzerum7]

What exactly is it that you want? To meet her? To communicate with her? Her to listen to you? Her to tell you things?

 

Yes, it would be great if we could meet and communicate. I think that was pretty obvious.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'll bet here are other guys that feel the same way about her. Don't let this get out of control.

[marona]

I have the same "problem" with a youtube celebrity called Dave Days. I have known him since I was 14 (he, 16) and wasn't popular AT ALL, I found his videos randomly, and has since the first time I saw him been majorly infatuated by him...

 

I figured the only way to "move on from this" was top stop watching his awesome videos he hasn't changed much from then, except he is now famous and very aware of it... It hurts, as he seems to be the perfect guy! Boohoo youtube infatuations.

[PaintWithLight]

Yes, it would be great if we could meet and communicate. I think that was pretty obvious.

 

The challenge is how to do this without being completely creepy. She probably already has her protective defenses set pretty high if she is on YouTube.

 

I really do not know if this is even feasible. You seem pretty over the top right now and you have not even made contact with her. Try to view this from her side and see how intimidating strong contact from you would be perceived. Probably best to just stay a fan.

[itsallgrand]

I understand what both of you are saying, and I agree that this couldn't be love, but it's not just about the music, it's about the overall things we have in common: common heritage, common language, a love for folk music we hold in common (don't worry, she won't "become big," at least not in the English-speaking world), both of us are graduate students in science, similar backgrounds of parents, a sense of civic/community involvement, etc. I obviously don't know this girl deep down, but it's not just about music.

 

And I so wish I could get to know her.

 

Why not look for girls in your area who have these things in common - who you are not a fan of?

 

I'm sorry to be a stickler on the fan thing. But I really don't think it is wise to pursue someone who you have already built up in your head. Honestly, she could be a total douche for all you know. I'm being serious.

 

I was in a relationship with a musician for close to 7 years. I saw plenty of how that 'fan' mentality works. I've never in my life been a fan of musician, so maybe I am a bit bias (I don't even like seeing a musician's face much, I don't want to know about them as people if I'm enjoying their music). I wasn't even a fan of my exs (in terms of his work) - and I honestly think this was a big stabilizing point for our relationship.

 

But once someone has this ideal in their head, they get stupid. How else to put it. They lose their logical minds ,it seems. Can't see what is right in front of them.

 

I'd really advice you against falling into a fandom that has you thinking this is a person you really want to meet for the simple reason that...she could be anybody...but you already have lost sight of this. SHe's no different from some random woman you may meet...except you have expectations on this one.

 

Go meet some local women! THis is just a nice fantasy...but it's no good if you are tearing up thinking you won't get to know her! Really c'mon. Shake your head, and get out there.

[adrian]

What to do about someone you're crazy about from a distance? I've never met this girl in person, I've never communicated except a very short 2 message email exchange. Which ended because she has no plans as of yet to sing in the city in which I live. She's not a celebrity, she's a graduate student who's very talented at singing and has several dozen videos of herself on youtube. I find myself so drawn to her in every way - beauty, culture, language, intellect, accomplishments, interests, etc. - I just wish I could get to know her. She lives more than 300 miles away.

 

I just saw a new video of her singing that makes my heart ache and my eyes well up because I have no way of getting to know her.

 

This is simple: you shut down the computer and leave home. You meet real people and you fantasize about real person that are next to you.

If you stick to your plan ( what you said ) the action will lead to what is all ready obvious: loneliness!

[Fudgie]

I'm dating a guy who has been playing out since he was in high school, did some music school, and has a reputation somewhat in our city as being a very good local musician. Lots of people know him. He gets me into shows.

 

I like his stuff and think he is talented but if I were a true "fan girl" he wouldn't like that. He has had fan girls of the bands he's played in and he said he thought they were kind of nuts, not attractive.

 

Artists, from what I've seen, either date other artists or people, like myself, who aren't huge fans and aren't in awe.

 

You can't be with someone who you're in awe of. It's unequal. It's kind of weird. It's unattractive.

[Heather Dawn]

I think this is kind of creepy, to be honest.

 

Unless you actually have an opportunity to get to know her, you should accept that this is merely an infatuation with an Internet person you've seen on YT and let it go.

[erzerum7]

I think this is kind of creepy, to be honest.

 

Unless you actually have an opportunity to get to know her, you should accept that this is merely an infatuation with an Internet person you've seen on YT and let it go.

 

I figured someone would come up with this sort of response. Why exactly is it creepy? Is it any creepier than some people who bump into each other on a plane, or at a bar, or sit next to each other in class in college? Remember, I haven't done anything.

 

I'd merely like to get to know this girl better - someone who is not so different from me. She's not a Hollywood actress or a Latin singing star who lives in Morocco. She's a science grad student who sings folk songs as an amateur. And she's based in the state neighboring mine.

[pl3asehelp]

I figured someone would come up with this sort of response. Why exactly is it creepy? Is it any creepier than some people who bump into each other on a plane, or at a bar, or sit next to each other in class in college? Remember, I haven't done anything.

 

I'd merely like to get to know this girl better - someone who is not so different from me. She's not a Hollywood actress or a Latin singing star who lives in Morocco. She's a science grad student who sings folk songs as an amateur. And she's based in the state neighboring mine.

 

I do find all of those things creepy because if you don't know someone at all and the only thing that's got you interested is their looks, well, creepy. At least for me.

[erzerum7]

I do find all of those things creepy because if you don't know someone at all and the only thing that's got you interested is their looks, well, creepy. At least for me.

 

Who said it was her looks only? I listed a whole slew of things that draw me, apparently that was dismissed and it's just looks. OK.

 

How many people start dating basically based on little else than looks? It just so happens they notice the looks IRL rather than online, hence that's not creepy. So many people know barely anything about each other until AFTER they start dating.

[pl3asehelp]

Who said it was her looks only? I listed a whole slew of things that draw me, apparently that was dismissed and it's just looks. OK.

 

How many people start dating basically based on little else than looks? It just so happens they notice the looks IRL rather than online, hence that's not creepy. So many people know barely anything about each other until AFTER they start dating.

 

The other things were just stuff you read off youtube, right? Doesn't tell you much really. I don't know how many people date based on stuff other than looks, I can only speak for myself. I've always gotten to know someone at least casually so I know a bit about their personality and how they behave before I can even be attracted to them. So yeah, I don't date total strangers because I don't find them attractive because I don't know anything about them, which is required for me to feel any attraction. Do it however you like though - send her a message - who knows what she's like or how she'll take it.

[EssexMan]

I've always gotten to know someone at least casually so I know a bit about their personality and how they behave before I can even be attracted to them.

 

OP, I think this is the issue, while it's true you're not going on looks alone, you are going on a list of "characteristics in common" that don't actually mean there will be any chemistry between you.

 

Now, if all this was happening on a dating site - or a bar - you could very easily break the ice and explore if there is chemistry.

 

Trouble is, she's not on a dating site. She's on YouTube. There's no indication that she is receptive to strangers reaching out toward her and trying to form a link.

[Fudgie]

Count me in on the "finding this creepy" crowd. I'll tell you why.

 

1) You assume you know a lot about her from her YT. You don't. That's just a tiny window of a person, and that's assuming she's being completely truthful. She may not be. You are assuming things about her from very little.

 

2) You're in love with her from afar...you guys don't even communicate.

 

3) You think you guys would get on well despite you knowing very, very little about her. I think you are sort of "making up" chemistry that may not be there and definitely hasn't been put to practice because you guys don't talk.

 

That's why it's creepy.

[erzerum7]

OP, I think this is the issue, while it's true you're not going on looks alone, you are going on a list of "characteristics in common" that don't actually mean there will be any chemistry between you.

 

Now, if all this was happening on a dating site - or a bar - you could very easily break the ice and explore if there is chemistry.

 

Trouble is, she's not on a dating site. She's on YouTube. There's no indication that she is receptive to strangers reaching out toward her and trying to form a link.

 

Count me in on the "finding this creepy" crowd. I'll tell you why.

 

1) You assume you know a lot about her from her YT. You don't. That's just a tiny window of a person, and that's assuming she's being completely truthful. She may not be. You are assuming things about her from very little.

 

2) You're in love with her from afar...you guys don't even communicate.

 

3) You think you guys would get on well despite you knowing very, very little about her. I think you are sort of "making up" chemistry that may not be there and definitely hasn't been put to practice because you guys don't talk.

 

That's why it's creepy.

 

Points taken, not that I agree with them.

 

That said, do any of you guys have a romantic bone in your bodies?

[Fudgie]

Yeah but it's not for random people I see on YT. I meet people IRL once they show interest or on dating sites where I know they are interested.

 

Romance involves two people. Not the feelings of one while the other knows nothing of the other's existence. That's not romance.

[MisterKoo]

Yeah but it's not for random people I see on YT. I meet people IRL once they show interest or on dating sites where I know they are interested.

 

Romance involves two people. Not the feelings of one while the other knows nothing of the other's existence. That's not romance.

 

Romance does not necessarily involve two people (or even humans).

 

Romance is an artistic expression. The word came from a "time period", the Romantic era, where art and culture were highly valued.

 

Therefore, a painting can be romantic... LOL

 

- one viewer (a human) experiences "feelings" when he/she knows of the objects existence.

- the object can not have knowledge of the viewer's (a human) existence since it is not alive.

[Fudgie]

That's all well and good but it's obvious I wasn't talking about art. I was talking about relationships. And when it comes to human relationships solely, romance involves 2 people.

 

If OP indeed wants to be with someone, then crushing over a YT singer without even talking to her is a waste of a tie on his part because it's not getting him closer to his goal.

[Ms Darcy]

I think this focus on the fantasy woman really demonstrates how lacking in mutual romantic love you are right now. The crush is filling an emotional void.