musiclover Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 OK, here's the run down. Met a girl and we've gone out on our first date. They date went well and my interest levels were high (see last post for details). The night of our first date, I mentioned that I was going to a show on Thursday and that it would be great if she could come. The next day I get a text from her saying that she's busy on Thursday, but she wants to see me again soon. So I wait a day and then text her asking if she'd like to go out on Saturday. She says she would love too, but she's busy all weekend and that she's got a lot on her plate for the next 2 weeks, but she reiterated the fact that she really wants to see me again. I told her that I understand and that if she has time in between clients we should grab a coffee. She tells me she can definitely handle that. So a day goes by and I don't hear from her, which is no big deal. So last night was the show and I text her saying that I wish she was here and to be careful in her travels tonight because the roads are bad. I don't hear back from her until this morning where she said that she had so wished she had been at the show with me last night. I send her a quick note back and nothing from her end since. I don't get it. I can't tell if she's actually interested or being polite and blowing me off. I mean, if she's not interested, why keep telling me how she wants to see me? And if she's actually interested, why she doesn't want to open up the lines of communication. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting her to be at my beckon call, but I'm not getting ANY indication from her that she wants to get to know me more other than "I can't wait to see you again". I like this girl, but I'm starting to loose interest. I'm thinking at this point that I back right off. I've made it pretty clear that I'm interested, but I'm not prepared to look like a chump chasing her. What do you guys think? should I disappear for a bit to gauge her interest? Link to comment
LovelyLezo Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 All i'm seeing here is a whole lot of "texting" going on. Why don't you pick up the phone and CALL?! Link to comment
finallystrong Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 People tend to get busy and sometimes don't' respond right away. She did tell you she was going to have a lot on her plate for the next 2 weeks, which means you shouldn't expect much. Let her respond to you when she can and don't expect an answer right away or every day. Once the few weeks passes, maybe she'll start opening up and engage in more communication. I would say to stay cool for now... Don't take this as her playing games, because maybe she is just really busy (as she stated) Link to comment
musiclover Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 All i'm seeing here is a whole lot of "texting" going on. Why don't you pick up the phone and CALL?! I absolutely agree with you. My last message to her was asking what usually is the best time to call her. That I like texting as much as the next guy, but I'd love to hear her voice. No response from her end Link to comment
musiclover Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 People tend to get busy and sometimes don't' respond right away. She did tell you she was going to have a lot on her plate for the next 2 weeks, which means you shouldn't expect much. Let her respond to you when she can and don't expect an answer right away or every day. Once the few weeks passes, maybe she'll start opening up and engage in more communication. I would say to stay cool for now... Don't take this as her playing games, because maybe she is just really busy (as she stated) Amen brother. I hear you on this. I guess what I would ideally like to know is where the line of "staying cool" and " I'm not interested enough to keep pursuing you" is. Link to comment
finallystrong Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Amen brother. I hear you on this. I guess what I would ideally like to know is where the line of "staying cool" and " I'm not interested enough to keep pursuing you" is. It's quite simple my friend. You contact her, it shows interest. If you don't contact her, you aren't interested. If you contact her, see no response, then contact her again, that would be smothering (which most people would say is a turn off). If you have already contacted her, just wait for her reply. If that takes 1-2 days, then it takes 1-2 days. Just be patient. I think you are analyzing this too much and over-thinking yourself into frustration. Just stay busy and don't even think about her reply. She will reply if she is interested, trust me.... I have talked to women who text me 2-3 days later and say something like "Sorry haven't responded, I've just been real busy". Which is understandable. And once they have some free time and are less stressed, you go meet up again. You don't know her THAT well, correct? There could be other things in her life she may not want to disclose with you that are stressing her out (family, job, etc..). Don't automatically assume she is doing this because she isn't interested in you. Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I think you are smothering her, and it might be too late to repair things. Sorry, man. Link to comment
paradisa Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 If you've only been on one date so far, I think it's a little heavy to say 'I wish you were here' regarding a show you invited her to and she declined the offer. I would see that as a guy that could be a little too interested at that point. I agree you should be calling her instead of doing so much texting. Link to comment
musiclover Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 Thanks finallystrong. You're right, I am over analyzing this. I wish I could say that I wouldn't think about her reply, but this is the first girl in countless first dates that I'm actually interested in. But I will take all of your advice all the way to the bank Link to comment
musiclover Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 I think you are smothering her, and it might be too late to repair things. Sorry, man. I dunno about that dude. Can you expand your thoughts, as I would be interested to know what's making you think that? Link to comment
musiclover Posted February 9, 2013 Author Share Posted February 9, 2013 If you've only been on one date so far, I think it's a little heavy to say 'I wish you were here' regarding a show you invited her to and she declined the offer. I would see that as a guy that could be a little too interested at that point. I agree you should be calling her instead of doing so much texting. Hmmm, interesting point. The text was more along the lines of "hey, I just got to the show (kinda wishing you were here) and just wanted to say be careful on the roads tonight, because they are getting pretty bad. Hope you enjoy your eve." is that still a little too interested? Link to comment
LovelyLezo Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I absolutely agree with you. My last message to her was asking what usually is the best time to call her. That I like texting as much as the next guy, but I'd love to hear her voice. No response from her end Hmm, maybe she's just rude or lacking social skills... Given that it's gone this far, i'd probably send one more text saying "hi, just thought i'd see how you're going. Drop me a line if you'd still like to catch up sometime", or leave it a week or so and then telephone out of the blue, act all casual and see if she'd like to catch up. You'll be able to tell by her voice if she's still interested or not and can ask straight out when you call her. Link to comment
Anderson Silva Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 My gut feeling tells me that she's politely blowing you off.. I'm sorry. In my experience, a woman who's genuinely interested in you will always make time to see you within a week after the first date. This whole thing about being too busy Thursday, Friday, Saturday and the rest of the weekends sounds unlikely. She may even be tied up on other dates, who knows. What I would do if I were in your shoes is this. Call her and tell her that you really enjoyed her company and you would love to see her again soon. Explain to her that you understand she's busy lately and to contact you when she frees up for your next date. If you don't hear form her within a week it's safe to assume that she's not interested. If she calls you on you guys plan another date, then you're golden. Link to comment
Klokwurk Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Hmmm, interesting point. The text was more along the lines of "hey, I just got to the show (kinda wishing you were here) and just wanted to say be careful on the roads tonight, because they are getting pretty bad. Hope you enjoy your eve." is that still a little too interested? Yes, that is too interested/smothering. Link to comment
lila... Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 It's hard to tell at this point, I think it's a little too early, but to be honest, it's not painting too well. I'm a very busy person as well but I can say for certainty that if I was interested in a guy, I would make time for at least coffee and be consistent with the contact so he doesn't think I'm losing interest and disappear. I would say to give it a few days, and if she continues making excuses or takes days to reply, then move on. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I would wait two weeks then contact her. If she says she's too busy then she's blowing you off. Don't keep contacting her in the meantime. Link to comment
Steve75 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 By constantly you are keeping yourself at a distance from her so you would do better by calling. And from what you posted it sounds like she is not interested based on this statement below "She has a lot on her plate for the next two weeks" Link to comment
Steve75 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 When someone uses these excuses it's most likely a lie 1. Busy 2. Sick 3. Sick Relative Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Plenty of people don't have time to meet on short notice. Very few people don't have time to maintain contact. Link to comment
Abbykemp Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 In my opinion, she is keeping you hanging on, on a very loose thread. She is perhaps dating others that she prefers over you and wants to see how things go with them first before you as a fall back - sorry. Keep your dignity and stop smothering her. I've been smothered before and hated it! I really enjoyed the first date and second but then he went all weird and started asking if I was free like every day - made me think he didnt have a life/desperate. By giving her space she might come back to you. Link to comment
Steve75 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 In my opinion, she is keeping you hanging on, on a very loose thread. She is perhaps dating others that she prefers over you and wants to see how things go with them first before you as a fall back - sorry. Keep your dignity and stop smothering her. I've been smothered before and hated it! I really enjoyed the first date and second but then he went all weird and started asking if I was free like every day - made me think he didnt have a life/desperate. By giving her space she might come back to you. Unless someone is drop dead gorgeous, I think most people will be in the backup role. Especially if you live in a huge city like me Link to comment
wowor Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Hey music, I think you are coming accross as a bit too needy. If i was you, I would have let the girl know after the first date that you had a really great time and would be in touch. Then call her the next day to confirm that she had a good time. If so, you should have mentioned the fact you had tickets to the show and wondered if she wanted to come along. Tell her to think about it, and give her a date that she would need to give you an answer by or you would take one of your buddies. Play it cool and don't put her on a pedestal. I have been in your shoes before and it is quick to become overexcited about a person that you really click with. Take it slow and don't apply unnecessary pressure. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I've been really busy at certain points in my life, but I can always squeeze in a few hours within a two week period. I think she's seeing someone else, and you're in second place (or lower). Sorry. Link to comment
Steve55 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Unfortunately, in my experience, "busy" usually means not interested. That may not be the case if she's busy but suggests an alternate date. I once had a girl get back to me and say she'd call me in July...It's been over 20 years now and she still hasn't called...I guess she never said WHICH July she meant Hang in there. It sounds like you were interested in her. I hope this works out for you. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.