Is it More than physical???

[Kbelles]

Ok, this is kinda long but here goes: I am a college student and up until a couple months ago, i was still a virgin. in high school, one of my best friends had a REALLY REALLY REALLY hot younger brother who was two years younger than her and one year younger than me. her brother had a bit of a 'reputation' for being the type that slept around. while she and I were friends he and i got along well but he would always try to flirt with me. i just kinda brushed him off, as i would never do anything to violate her and i's friendship.

 

after graduation, i moved away for college and she and i kinda grew apart as friends and now we dont speak at all. it has been three years now since. but a couple months ago, i was curious as to how he (her brother) was doing and i instant messaged him online. (after all, i was gone and he was three states away now, right?!). WRONG. after us talking for awhile, i found out BY THE BIGGEST COINCIDENCE that he was moving to the same city as me for school. even moreso, his school is about six blocks away from my off-campus apartment!

 

we talked throughout his moving process and when he finally got here, we made plans to hang out. which we did. nothing happened. EXCEPT FOR ONE NIGHT. we were in my room watching tv when he put the moves on me. i couldnt resist. IT WAS GREAT. though he had no knowledge of my virginity and still does not know that he was my first. in the beginning of this "sexual relationship" it was great, but now, im starting not to feel so wonderful and everytime after we have sex, i get kinda depressed and feel guilty.

 

these feelings of guilt come and go like waves. after one day of guilt and mild depression, im usually fine by the very next day and want to be with him again.

 

i guess i just need someones input.... where are these sudden feelings of guilt coming from? am i developing "feelings" for him? is it the fact that he of all people is my first? is it the sudden loss of virginity? the fact that he's my ex-best friend's brother? im trying to cope, but the fluctuation of my emotions alone is tearing me apart....

[blackss]

do you mean feelings...like...

 

guilt - you think about, him, being you're ex-best friends brother?

 

or

 

"mild depression" - you can't stand to be away from him, you want to be with him all the time?

 

 

i feel sad and or depressed ( i guess you could call it that.?) when i don't see my neighbor

[Kbelles]

when i say "feelings" i mean, like an attachment. i feel an attachment to him. but i know its not love. i don't LOVE him and this i know for sure (he doesnt have a stellar personality or anything). i dunno if this attachment i feel is because of the fact that he is my first. i dont want to be with him all the time ( i actually prefer not to get in his business). but i do yearn for him at times. and then, the guilt sets in. i start feeling like, "oh, i shouldnt be doing this" or "why am i wanting him?" or "this is wrong". i guess the question is this: AM I WRONG? WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS? I WOULD REALLY APPREACIATE ANYONE WHO HAS ANY INSIGHT ON THIS...

[San123]

You are experiencing the "first time" attachment! It happens to most girls, you get very attached to the first person you ever sleep with... Ive even heard its like a chemical thing in your brain, but I don't know. Anyways, its totally normal for you to be wanting him and developing stronger feelings for him... which could suck if he doesn't feel the same... but youre totally normal!

[blackss]

its not wrong, there isn't a restriction on who you can or can't date

 

?

[AbSpiritusSpes]

Have you ever heard of a chemical called oxytocin? Oxytocin is a small protein composed of nine amino acids. It is produced in the hypothalamus and is released by the pituitary gland and also in women's ovaries and men's testes. It plays a very large part in child birth and in maternal instict. The bond between sexual partners is also largely due to the release of oxytocin. The release of oxytocin can be learned. So after repeatedly having sex with the same partner, simply seeing him or her could set off its release. As a result, you become attached to that partber.

 

So in short, this attachment you are feeling could very well be a chemical reaction to your sexual relationship, and is thereforeeee completely normal. The guilt I would imagine comes from you deeming it unfair (to both parties) for you to begin to feel an attachment with someone in a relationship that was mutually intended to be purely sexual. Again, in my opinion (not that it counts for much ) that is quite normal.

 

Hope that helps a little,

~ Sasha

[mist999]

i think you are sad because you always imagined losing your virginity to some one you where in love with

and you know you have no future with him

 

i think you should let go of him

find someone who will love you

and i prommise your sex life will change completely