not comfortable with my body after two years..

[Ariel Mercier]

so me and my boyfriend have been together for over two years, and we have been sexually active with each other most of that time. we're both 19.

but, i have yet to be comfortable with my body..

my weight has always been a problem and i've gone up and down. when my boyfriend met me, a was about 20 lbs lighter, so was he. we both have gained some weight in our relationship.

i've been trying to lose weight but don't have a lot of access to healthy foods/a gym, but it is something i m slowly working on.

 

anyways, when me and my boyfriend are sexual he does not see my stomach at all. it's always covered by a blanket or a shirt. i just do not feel sexy, i feel over weight and gross. my boyfriend says he loves my body so much, he tells me all the time, and he barely can ever keep his hands off of me, but i just for some reason don't believe him. he says he would never change my body but idk. i keep thinking he secretly would like my skinnier...because i just cannot see how someone can love the way i look, i think i'm disgusting. i can't get dressed in front of him, i don't want to wear bathing suites, i just feel so extremely gross.

my face is pretty, but that is about it.

 

and i feel this way mostly because his past girlfriends have all been pretty skinny... well, i mean i've been his first real actual adult girlfriend but his little past girlfriends or past flings were all skinny.

 

i'm aware some guys are into bigger chicks.. but how could that be true when i look at his past and they're all skinny? ugh i'm just crying my eyes out writing all of this because i've never told anyone any of this before

 

i just would like to be actually comfortable with my boyfriend and improve our sex life and our over all relationship. i cannot stop comparing myself to gorgeous skinny girls that i think he deserves. i mean, he's chubby also and we look cute together because we're both chubby but when it comes down to it, i would give anything in the world to be skinny. even if i were to lose a lot of weight, i wouldn't look perfect, i'd have saggy skin and stretch marks.

 

if anyone could help me, that would be so great. i know this was all mostly a lot of ranting, i'm sorry.

 

but my boyfriend is the most caring, sweetest man i have ever met, and he is so good to me, i don't want this problem to get worse and possibly cause problems later on in our relationship.

[Fudgie]

The way to get used to him seeing you is to just get naked in front of him and get used to it. Stop working yourself up over this. It's not worth it.

 

Remember, he's chubby now too. And he's still having sex with you. Yes, you're covering your stomach with a blanket but don't fool yourself, the weight is still there and he notices. But he still loves you. That is what matters.

 

Don't concern yourself with his exes. He's with you now and that's what matters.

 

If it makes you feel better, I'm 30 lb away from 300 myself. Look, I'm just fat. I was 60 lb lighter when I met my boyfriend years ago, just as friends though. His ex was a stick and so is he. He still loves to have sex with me. We live together. I don't cover a thing and the light stay on.

 

Do I want to lose weight? Of course. Do I plan to? Yes. But you can still love yourself in the process. And let your boyfriend love you too.

[sara-pezzini]

i am overweight too, never let people see me naked, i keep covered up, but suddenly with my bf, i could care less, i am naked, lights on, dress or undress in front of him, he is gorgeous himself, though he has gained some weight as well, his exes have all been skinny too, but guess what, he is not with them anymore, it did not work out, skinny or not..

i feel his love, i see the love in his eyes when he looks at me and i get emotional, just because the love in his eyes is so intense, i know i am good for him, good to him and he fell in love with me because of who i am and not because of my weight.

it was like a switch went off in my head and ever since then i could really not care less.

i agree with fudgie, just start to dress or undress in his presence, leave lights on, keep uncovered and you will see that imaginary wall start to break down and your confidence grow.

he is with you because he loves you, simple....

[pippy longstocking]

ariel listen to fudgie , go and look for her thread about losing weight ..and read an open honest view of a woman

who knows ...as she says ...she is fat ...( I hate saying that , I feel disrespectful) , she oozes confidence and accepts her wobbly bits with grace and honesty .

 

and you have to try to as well ....your trying to lose weight , thats fantastic ..you may not have the money for too much , but you have internet access , which gives you the world you need ...diets , nutrition advice , excercises ..its all there .

 

do you know whats worse than a woman with a fat ass and a belly that wobbles ...a woman who thinks that is disguting and feels repelled by her own self .

 

If I was there , I would have us both stripped off standing at a mirrow saying " we are fabulous" ...yeah then you would get me arrested ..thats fair enough

 

love is love ..and your man loves you and your tummy ...believe it .. come on lets have some confidence x

[Fudgie]

Lol thanks shooting star. It is okay to call me fat, I call myself that from time to time.

 

If you want to lose this weight, you can, OP! It is not always easy but it is doable. Did you know lots of people gain weight in a relationship? I think people just get comfortable and let go. I know I gained weight in mine but I was big to start with.

 

I do want to reiterate, hiding is silly for 2 reasons, 1) it makes you feel bad which is never good and 2) It's useless because he already knows about your weight gain. Weight is not something that is merely seen, it is also felt. Your boyfriend feels it when he hugsy you. He feels it when you have sex. And guess what? He still loves you.

 

When he sees it, he's not going to be like OMG I had no idea! You hid it so well I still thought you were a stick! He'd be stupid to say that. He already knows. It's all on you now to get comfortable with yourself and let yourself be naked.

[hers]

You say you can't help thinking that he secretly has parts he'd change about you. Flip the coin. Do you wish you could change parts on his body? I'm gonna say no here for the sake of example only to show that we are our own worst critics and a lot of us don't think about others the way we think f ourselves.

 

I have bad body acne and have since I was 10. It's in places I wish it weren't. My husband just doesn't see it when we are naked. Sure he knows its there but he says its just not something he zones in on bc he's more focused on boobs and tongues and where hands are and omg is she gonna touch me there and omg that feels nice. He's more into the aspect of what's going on than he is about what I or it looks like.

 

I've had many guy friends confirm the same to me.

 

So stop worrying, take your shirt off, and learn to live with yourself comfortably. Bc I guarantee you a shirt over a body that's supposed to be naked is far more unsexy than a misplaced dimple or two.

[Edmund Exley]

I agree. My wife has some image issues with her body. I tell her all the time its unsexy making love to someone with a shirt on.

[hers]

In a lot of cases, it's more the skin to skin contact that does it for some people more than it is something pleasing to look at. I suspect that's why a lot of guys do like girls with more meat on their bones. I'm sure it's not always the case but it could be. The sense of touch often is more sensual than the sense of sight.

[becomingkate]

I completely understand, as I am a bigger woman to start with - I was a size 12 when I met my husband and now I am a size 16. I worry about certain things as well, I think that's normal.

 

Have you purchased any sexy lingerie? It really helps, and I choose comfortable fabrics like satin or lace because it's easy to sleep in. Something like this:

 

 

 

I know that there are some men who will only date women who are very thin or very fit, and I believe my husband was one of those men in his youth. ALL his exes are petite and/or thin. In spite of that, he often says that he's never experienced such a satisfying sex life and didn't know that things could actually get better as you age.

 

I have known a few women that gained quite a lot of weight (one lady gained 80 lbs and another gained over 100 lbs) and both those marriages failed. Some of it was due to their husband's losing sexual interest, but most of it had to do with the addict behaviour around food - the hiding of it, and the lying. One lady developed diabetes and her husband said she was like an alcoholic around food, always freaking out if she couldn't eat on time. I think that turned him off.

[Ariel Mercier]

thank you guys so much for all of the advice, i appreciate it more than you know! and you're right, i would NEVER change anything about my boyfriend! he's 250 lbs but the sexiest man in the world to me and i love his chub and do not want him to lose any weight. but it's just hard sometimes flipping that coin, because guys can be chubby, it's only when girls are chubby that they are looked down upon. and i have some lingerie, only one pair because i don't have much money to be spending on that sort of stuff but i do feel really sexy in it.

 

but i feel like if i start taking my shirt off and being more comfortable, he will lose interest in me and he won't be as turned on or he just won't like it... i'm terrified that he won't and that it will someone ruin our relationship and i will lose him. i just feel like he is such a good guy that i should be skinny for him... like he deserves a sexier girl and i want to give that to him but losing weight for me isn't that easy. even if i were it's not like i'd turn into the hot super model that he deserves

[Ariel Mercier]

 

 

here is a picture of me. here is a picture of me when we first started dating

 

 

 

 

i feel like i just turned gross and that i let myself go and i'm not fulfilling my sexy needs towards him.. like he fell in love with me when i looked like that ^^^

 

what a disapointment it must be that i now look like this

 

 

 

 

i feel like i'm just gross and i wish i looked like i used to

[poetryandlyrics]

You look gorgeous. Either two. Both them are no contest to each other. I don't doubt he's sexually attracted to you, before and then. And it's the essence of you that he fell in love with and that carries over as well. You just need to trust his attraction, be more comfortable, and if you want to be more fit make sure it's for you in the sense of not for him or for society. Plus, one can be the most gorgeous girl in the world but if you're nasty, the viciousness tarnishes the appearances. The essence diminishes its worth.

 

Let me say it again: you're gorgeous.

[hers]

Have you asked him what he thinks he deserves?

[Huntress0527]

Stop being so hard on yourself! You're an attractive woman! (and I don't give compliments unless I mean them) As hers said, we are our own worst critics. My husband and I gained some weight when we first start living together but then made goals to be healthier. I lost weight not only for that reason but I wanted healthy habits for my baby and to prepare my body. We both lost over 30 lbs so if you really want to be healthier you can do it! It just takes determination and know that it's ok to make mistakes just always keep at it.

 

Big or small my husband can't keep his hands off me either and I'm also the biggest woman he's ever been with. Remember he's with you and not them. I may be bigger but my personality is awesome and I'm sure yours is too and that's why your guy is with you!

[rosasnyder811]

Why don't you two discuss the weight issues together and see if you two can work together to both become more healthy? It is important to feel good about yourself, too---even if he likes you just as you are.

I always tell people--if YOU don't like something about yourself---CHANGE it!

There are so many resources out there for healthy eating, productive exercise, and doing it with your partner! Check into them!

[Ariel Mercier]

we have discussed weight loss a few times but he is not interested in doing it with me quite yet. at my house, we barely have any food, let alone healthy food. our living situation isn't that great. sometimes when we grocery shop my dad will give me some money to get some healthy stuff, but not often, and when he does it is usually gone pretty quick because my 33 year old brother who eats everything lives here now. and i don't have a job currently, although i am working on it, so it is hard. like today it's almost 4 and i have yet to eat anything.. and all we have are like french toast sticks and pbj sandwiches. i could go out and go jog or something though but i don't have any energy.

 

but for him his house is more wealthy and they always have a lot of health foods, so he is able to lose weight but doesn't want to right now! so i'm in this alone, at the moment. but i think this summer he will want to join me. but of course it's hard doing it by myself.

[Ariel Mercier]

Have you asked him what he thinks he deserves?

 

he says i'm all he wants and deserves!

[HeatherB]

It sounds like you'd feel better about yourself if you lost that 20 pounds. So do it. Exercise every day at home. The closer you get to your goal, the more confident you will feel.

[rosasnyder811]

Try link removed. It's a free site, and basically it just helps you keep track of what you eat. There's an app for your smart phone too---you can scan bar codes of the things you eat. It's nice.

[Edmund Exley]

You sound just like my wife. Shame of it is, you are both beautiful