I feel like this is the right thing to do...but I still feel awful

[LoveSoDeep]

So the guy that I had a misunderstanding with earlier this week....we decided we each could have handled things better but were going to give each other the benefit of the doubt. I still felt a little apprehensive because of the way he refused to talk things through and put them to rest but I decided my point had been made and it really was a small thing so we should just move on.

 

We were supposed to see each other Friday and had decided to get a late start after his workout and I stopped in at party for a friend. When I texted him that I was leaving the party he responded saying he was dealing with some personal issue that he was really "pissed off" about and I wouldn't want to hang out with him and I should text him on Saturday. I was kinda upset that he cancelled last minute and that he didn't want to talk to me about things but if he really was that mad I didn't want to get in the middle of it. I said okay and went home.

 

The next morning I wake up and see 11 missed calls, a text, and a VM from him...the VM was obviously from inside a bar and was totally unintelligible. There were 5 calls at around 3am, 5 calls a little later from a restricted number (which he claimed he did not make) and then another call from him right before the text at 5am that read " I wish you would f****** talk to me I can't sleep."

 

The next morning I responded that I hadn't heard his calls or gotten his text b/c my phone is in sleep mode when I go to bed and will not ring or made any noise at all. He then ignores me till that evening and just asks how I'm doing....I said I was find and asked how he was (b/c he was the one who went psycho the night before but I didn't say that) nothing for a while...then some comment about the event he was at that night.I went to bed....I get a text around midnight that he's driving by my place and am I up. Then later I must be sleeping and he's sorry we didn't get to spend any time together....then around 8am I get "I

 

By this point I've had it. On minute he cussing at me and the ignoring me for hours then next he's sending me hearts! I feel like now I know what guys mean when they say girl went nutso on them....this is just insane. I answered and he asked if I was mad at him.... and honestly I'm not mad but I feel like this is too much drama for me....his emotions are all over the place and he's not dealing with them very well and it's only been like 5 weeks this is too much drama this early...I should just be smiling and happy and can't get enough of him....but I'm not. I don;t think we should see each other anymore.

 

Of course he really wants to work things out but I just don't feel like I'm up for that much work....I hate to be a quitter but I think it's time to walk away. So if this is the right thing to do why do I feel bad about it? Is it really not the right thing to do?

[jenny_mcs]

Honestly, it would be too much for me, too. Don't be down on yourself or feel like a "quitter." At 5 weeks, you are dating and evaluating if you want to continue to spend more time with a person, seeing how they act in different situations. So what you're seeing is that he is drama, drama, drama. I couldn't deal with it either. This isn't some marriage or long relationship you're dealing with- it's a a guy you've know for 5 weeks--- 45 days! I'm sure there are good things about him or you wouldn't have started dating, but he is showing you what he is really like, and he seems immature and erratic. At 5 weeks, like you say, everything should be smiles and butterflies. Not texts at 5 am, dropping f bombs because you aren't around for him to vent to!

[fieryred]

Have you asked him what had set him off in the first place?

[Ms Darcy]

It would definitely be too much for me as well. There will be some who think you should stick it out. But I agree that it is not a marriage or long relationship. Dating is for determining if the other person is a fit for you and he obviously is not.

[LoveSoDeep]

Honestly, it would be too much for me, too. Don't be down on yourself or feel like a "quitter." At 5 weeks, you are dating and evaluating if you want to continue to spend more time with a person, seeing how they act in different situations. So what you're seeing is that he is drama, drama, drama. I couldn't deal with it either. This isn't some marriage or long relationship you're dealing with- it's a a guy you've know for 5 weeks--- 45 days! I'm sure there are good things about him or you wouldn't have started dating, but he is showing you what he is really like, and he seems immature and erratic. At 5 weeks, like you say, everything should be smiles and butterflies. Not texts at 5 am, dropping f bombs because you aren't around for him to vent to!

 

This is kind of how I feel...if thisi s him showing his true colors I don;t think I want to stick around for more.

 

Have you asked him what had set him off in the first place?

 

When we talked onthe phone he was basically just begging me to talk this out with him and no I didn't ask. So last night he wanted me to call him again and I did hopinghe'd had sometime to think and had something new to say but he didn't he just wants to see me in person and talk....So after another 20 minutes I just agreed that we could talk tonight....I am interested in what it was but I feel like if he wanted a real grown up realtionship withme no matter what it was he could have talked to me about it Friday instead of shutting downa nd then getting drunk and harrassing me all night.

 

It would definitely be too much for me as well. There will be some who think you should stick it out. But I agree that it is not a marriage or long relationship. Dating is for determining if the other person is a fit for you and he obviously is not.

 

Thanks....I feel like we are not a match on many different levels. I guess tonight if he's not getting the picture I can spell that out for him.

[Heather Dawn]

It would definitely be too much for me as well. There will be some who think you should stick it out. But I agree that it is not a marriage or long relationship. Dating is for determining if the other person is a fit for you and he obviously is not.

 

I agree, Ms Darcy.

 

LSD, this guy is not relationship material. He's hot and cold, and his behavior is over the top. Like Jenny said, dating is for figuring out whether you want to pursue something longterm with someone - and I think the decision to move on from this guy is absolutely right.

[MJWasHere]

absolutely end it. It doesnt seem like you were all that into him anyway. Add to that the ridiculous drama, and its a no brainer. Just tell him and be done with it. He'll probably harass you again while drunk, in which case you may have to block his #. DONT FEEL BAD -- he did this by his actions, not you.

 

Also its not "too much drama this early on". Its too much drama PERIOD. He sounds so immature.

[EssexMan]

People do stupid things when they're drunk, and if everything else was hunky-dory the multitude of calls would be excusable provided it wasn't happening every night. But what really strikes me is that he didn't apologise the next day, especially for the F-word. I would have been shamefaced.

[LoveSoDeep]

absolutely end it. It doesnt seem like you were all that into him anyway. Add to that the ridiculous drama, and its a no brainer. Just tell him and be done with it. He'll probably harass you again while drunk, in which case you may have to block his #. DONT FEEL BAD -- he did this by his actions, not you.

 

Also its not "too much drama this early on". Its too much drama PERIOD. He sounds so immature.

 

I think what is really getting to me is that I was such a bad judge of character here...all the sudden he's acting like this and why didn't I see this coming...I guess he put on a good act.

 

People do stupid things when they're drunk, and if everything else was hunky-dory the multitude of calls would be excusable provided it wasn't happening every night. But what really strikes me is that he didn't apologise the next day, especially for the F-word. I would have been shamefaced.

 

Yeah I just don't feel like things were hunky-dory before this...and yes people do dumb things when drinks are flowing but 11 calls? and really the last straw was that text not only was he cursing at me....but it was extremely selfish of him to want to wake me up just b/c he couldn't sleep....and he has chronic insomnia so it's not like not being able to sleep is a new thing! He didn't even try to apologize until I brought it up and of course he used drinking as an excuse....I just donl't think drinking excuses that kind of behavior. I feel like a lot of this is just him being very self centered and to me that's just unattractive.

 

I agree, Ms Darcy.

 

LSD, this guy is not relationship material. He's hot and cold, and his behavior is over the top. Like Jenny said, dating is for figuring out whether you want to pursue something longterm with someone - and I think the decision to move on from this guy is absolutely right.

 

Thanks Heather.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I agree with the others. This is way too much and way too soon. It might sting for a day or two, but you know it's your only alternative. Why draw out the inevitable?

[LoveSoDeep]

Well, that's that.

 

We were going to meet to talk tonight but he called and I think it was obvious from my voice that I wasn't into it...he asked what I wanted to so and I said he was the one who wanted to talk I was just going along with it. I told him if this was how things would be I didn't think we were compatible. He asked if there was anything he could say to change my mind. I told him I wasn't sure but I didn't think so. He asked if I wanted to just throw it all away (what all 4.5 weeks yeah I'm okay with that)...I said I didn't like to think about it like that but I didn't think we should see each other anymore. He said bye and was gone before I could really say goodbye back.

 

Then of course I got a couple text messages....a and one saying he would miss me b/c he cared about me so much. Right now I don;t feel like I will miss him and that's what tells me it's time to move on.....UGH back to the drawing board.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you did the right thing. You assessed that you and he would just not work out long-term.

 

I also think the drunken texts are a flag. I know Essex says everybody makes mistakes, but if you are prone to do dumb/nutty things when you drink, it's a sign that you shoul not drink. Period.