why is he avoiding me like that when HE dumped me???

[sunny1234]

well ex (of one month)dumped me over the phone a week ago in a really rude way(just yelled at me i should leave him alone and not contact him again.i should get lost,then he hung up).before the break-up he had called to make plans with me but then i saw him at the pub with his friends.i stayed calm and asked if everything was ok between us.he said yes and kissed me.i felt strange and left.i called him when i got home.no answer.i called again.nothing.then i left a message he should tell me what's going on and he should respect me.simple message.no answer.the next day i called again.he answered,but started yelling "leave me alone!i want you to stop talking to me!just get lost!bye!"

i was shocked,all i got to ask was " have i done you any wrong??....".he just said" no,but bye" and hung up.i didn't call anymore.

one week later he comes to the same pub as me.i was with my friend and my mom,drinking,dancing,looking great(got attention from many guys).he enters the pub,glanced at me,looks away quickly and heads to the bar.talks to a girl and then greets EVERYONE standing around me.he then STARES at me,like for a really long time,like time stopped and everyone around us was dancing talking laughing and he had this stare like when we first met.exactly the same.then he looked the other way.i went there to say "hi" since i wanted to show him that i am fine.he acted strange!i said" hi!" he looked at me fast" hey"

'how are u?" he said."fine!u don't have to feel uncomfortable u know...we are ok!"i said.he then just said"i don't."

i asked him calmly why he had had yelled at me that way.he just said" cause i was angry"and ignored me,he started talking to someone else!

i just went back to my friends...then he chose to stay with his buddy at the corner opposite of us and drink a beer.i didn't look his way at all!but some minutes later my friend whispered to me that he is staring all the time and it's so obvious.then my mom also noticed it and told me "i see him staring at you.he isn't even aware how ridiculous he looks!"

then half an hour later he left.

so did we,we went to an other pub.after 15 minutes,there he is again!...he walked past me and sat at the bar.i then went to talk to a guy that had been looking my way.he then offered to buy me a drink and we had a nice convo.but the age-gap was too big for me so we just had a nice chat.i felt my ex looking our way.i was right,i glanced his way and i saw him again staring.then before he left the pub(half an hour later again) he came over!BUT just to say a quick"bye" to the guy i was with and his friend.(he seems to know the friend of the guy casually,he didn't have a convo with him though,just said bye).he didn't even look at me!!

my question now is WHY would a guy do this if HE was the one to break-up??i was really polite,why can't he even say a civil "hello"???he is 24!!!!i just don't get it.i have had break-ups but i always have friendly relationships with my exes,when they see me they always talk to me and i am happy we can be that way!i even hang out in the same group of friends with an ex!

[ParisPaulette]

Why is he staring at you and acting the way that he is? Because this particular ex is an immature child who threw a tantrum and now chooses to act creepy and weird with the staring and unfriendliness, because he's not man enough to admit that he acted like an oaf or have the decency to treat you civilly. He may also have been in staring in an "I can't believe I didn't crush her spirit and why is she out having a great time without me?" kind of way. I had a similar thing happen when I was a teenager and the guy admitted (not to me, a mutual friend) he looked at me all night, because he was searching for the least bit of sadness or regret on my part although he had broken up with me. It was just an ego trip for him and after my initial attempts to be friendly and being rebuffed I ignored him from then on. I found out about it all months later when a mutual friend told me, "Man, you really bruised Ex's ego when he saw you out having fun. He's used to girls crying and chasing him and stuff and he's all indignant you could move on just like that." We laughed about it and I was glad I was done with the ex.

 

There is no reason to be friendly to him, not if he treats you like that. From now ignore him and if he says hi first then say hi and keep talking/moving on, otherwise look straight through him and treat him as if he doesn't exist. There's nothing in the rule books that says one has to continue to be friendly to someone who has treated you badly and all you usually get from such a person is more bad treatment. Quite possibly the ex cheated on you and had a bad case of guilty conscience and so decided to just break up with you by not being there, then got angry when you persisted and called him out on his bad behavior. At least that was my initial reaction when I read the first part of your post. Go full NC, this is not going to a friendly ex or anyone you want in your life period.

[annie24]

My question is why do you want to stay in contact with him if he broke up with you?

[sunny1234]

well,i guess his ego got bruised,even though he is one of these low-profile guys.he is really good looking but more the quiet type.but when he was my age he was not quiet at all(bad-boy back then!).he told me to leave him alone,so should he!!!i am really baffled.....i never treated him with disrespect.....

[sunny1234]

annie24,i don't want contact in form of calling,texting,just when we bump into eachother i want it to be civil.he hurt me,but ok,that doesn't mean i hate him.i am smart enough to understand that i have to let him go if he doesn't want me,relationships can't be forced.

[annie24]

I'm guessing he's feeling a lot of discomfort, and doesn't know how to act. I agree - it would be nice if you bump into each other if you could have a pleasant chat for 3 minutes, before you go back to your friends, but I guess he is not up for that. Whether he is jealous or angry or uncomfortable or just doesn't know how to act. I've got to admit, I tend to flat out avoid my exes.

 

not much you can do. did you ever just go up to him and say, "hey - i know we broke up, but there is no reason we can't just say hi if we run into each other."

[sunny1234]

i see....!yes,i told him when he greeted everyone but me" hi!"and then i said" you musn't feel uncomfortable you know...we are ok!" he just said" i don't feel uncomfortable"and started talking to a friend,just left me standing there.i felt stupid!that was my first approach after the break-up and my LAST approach.

he didn't want me anymore,i just let him go.i had this ex,just a month before i met my recent ex,who broke up with me because he was not in for a relationship,he was honest.i accepted it and just days after the break-up i was fine.we still hang out casually

[annie24]

yeah, he kind of sounds like a jerk. don't waste your thoughts on him.

[sunny1234]

thanks....i am trying.a bit hard when u risk bumping into THAT jerk everyday...but i'll try to keep my head high...and my middle finger higher(of course not literally!!!;P)

[SapphireNoir10]

He sounds horrible. what a cruel way to break up with someone.

 

He's probably

 

a. Jealous

b. outraged you aren't just at home sobbing over him

 

seems like he has a huge ego. fairplay to you for moving on and having fun