penny36 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Hi I had been dating this guy for a month and a half. I have not liked someone this much in years, even more than my last boyfriend. Things were going very good, although I definaltey could tell he had some issues and he told me almost from the beginning that he had intimacy issues. He has a very hard time letting go of the past, and is still upset about a friend (who is a girl) that stopped talking to him two years ago. He also had a very tumultous 4 year relationship that was on and off and had said they were not right for each other. I had so much fun with him and laughed all the time when I was around him. I could tell he was starting to pull away a week ago. Then he met me at a friends concert and I was very drunk. I have never been this drunk around him. I know it was not good, because I don;t remember what happened. But basically what he told me a week later after not talking to me was that it essentially did not matter and that I was just staring at him and he did not know what to do. He said that he felt responsible for me and that he just wants to go out and not get into fights with anyone because that was what he had been doing in his last relationship. He basically kept me hanging for a week after this happened. Finally I texted him apologizing again and he texted me saying it was not a big deal and that he would call later. He never did, so the next day we finally talked. He said that he is not ready for a relationship, but since we have the same circle of friends said that we showed go to a show next week. He also said he does not want things to be weird. I am very sad. Even though I know he has issues, I would like to date him still. I told him that I don't think its a good idea (I texted this later) because I do have feelings for him. He didn't respond which I expected. I potentially could see him in the next couple weeks. What should I do? I would like a relationship with him despite his issues. Link to comment
penny36 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Sorry is some of this is unclear. I had agreed that we could be cool and friends around everyone and that yes, maybe we could meet at a show next week. But I later texted him saying that I think I should lay low from the scene for awhile and that it is not his fault. He responded then asking if things were weird between us then. I said yes, because I do have feelings for him. Link to comment
Celadon Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 It's so hard to like someone who doesn't want a relationship. While it's sort of romantic to say that you like him so much you'd be willing to put up with his issues, if he's not ready, there would only be drama and dissatisfaction in your relationship. I do think that keeping a low profile for awhile is wise, penny36. You're on the right track. Link to comment
penny36 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 I guess the real question is, is that does a guy ever really mean he just doesn't want a relationship or is it more like he just doesn't want a relationship with you? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I think it's more that he doesn't want a relationship with you sadly. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I guess the real question is, is that does a guy ever really mean he just doesn't want a relationship or is it more like he just doesn't want a relationship with you? I think that guys that don't want a relationship mean it in a general sense - until they meet the woman they suddenly DO want a relationship with. So, while it's not necessarily personal against you, it just means you're not the one for him. If you were, he'd want a relationship. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I think it's more that he doesn't want a relationship with you sadly. I think that guys that don't want a relationship mean it in a general sense - until they meet the woman they suddenly DO want a relationship with. So, while it's not necessarily personal against you, it just means you're not the one for him. If you were, he'd want a relationship. Yep...I have to agree with this....sadly when a guy says he doesn't want a realtiosnhip...it's usually b/c he hasn't got the b**** to tell you that he doesn't want a realtionship with you....even thought his isn't a personal affront on you they fear you will take it that way and they take the easy way out. If the perfect woman walked in the door 5 minutes later they'd be ready for a realtionship. Just take him at his word ....it's not going to happen...so just move on. Link to comment
penny36 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Yeah, you are all most likely right. The only thing is before the drunk thing, when things were going very good, he told me that now is usually when he would be in a relationship but that he has too many issues right now that he needs to work through. He had also told me that he wanted to be friends no matter what, like maybe he knew this wasn't going to work out. Man it really sucks. I wasn't totally into him right away (because of things he had told me like fetishes and such) but I really looked past it all and enjoyed being with him. Ughhhhhhh. I wish there was something I could do to make him more interested in me. But yes moving on is the right thing to do. Link to comment
Celadon Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 It's disappointing, but yeah, time to move on to someone who will be really into you. Link to comment
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