hazelynut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Question... if you have a migraine, your boyfriend starts to initiate sex, you tell him sorry, I have a migraine and feel terrible -- and then he immediately decides to masturbate instead right next to you, would you be upset? ..I have no problem with him masturbating in general, but it felt sort of insensitive of him to "please himself" while I'm lying there feeling like crap. I mean if he wants to masturbate because I'm not in the mood or whatever, or hell if he just wants to, I see no problem with that, but if I can't have sex not because I don't want to, but because I don't feel well... and right next to me WHILE I'm not feeling well... that kind of hurt my feelings. He knows he hurt me (and he felt bad about it) but we haven't really talked about it since I needed to go to sleep (had to get up super early today)... should I bring it up or just drop it? Link to comment
jonny15 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Why would it hurt you? He's just jerking off. Atleast he wasn't insensitive enough to keep bothering you about having sex. Link to comment
hazelynut Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I guess just because I felt like he didn't care about me. Like, when he's sick and not feeling up for sex I cuddle him instead of immediately reaching for my vibrator. Link to comment
becomingkate Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 ...you tell him sorry, I have a migraine and feel terrible -- and then he immediately decides to masturbate instead right next to you, would you be upset? It does seem like he's doing it to get a reaction, and that seems immature. Is he always this crass, or does he ever try to seduce you in a sexy way? Also, is it good sex? Because I've found that an orgasm can make my migraines go away, and if my husband wanted to make love to me in a more gentle manner, I'd probably be open to it. Link to comment
DN Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Has he masturbated like that before in front of you? If so then I think you are being over-sensitive. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I guess just because I felt like he didn't care about me. Like, when he's sick and not feeling up for sex I cuddle him instead of immediately reaching for my vibrator. That is your choice. If he really wanted to get off, masturbation was the only way under those circumstances. Link to comment
hazelynut Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Crass isn't a word I'd ever really use to describe him... he's normally pretty sensitive to me, and yes he does try to seduce me somewhat regularly, so this was kind of a surprise. Definitely not the type of person to do it to get a reaction from me. He's been really stressed out lately, so maybe that's why he felt like he had to get some release... He's masturbated in front of me before, but it's always been because he'd gotten too sore for anything else to work (too much foreplay). Never because I didn't feel up to having sex. Link to comment
becomingkate Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Crass isn't a word I'd ever really use to describe him... he's normally pretty sensitive to me, and yes he does try to seduce me somewhat regularly, so this was kind of a surprise. Definitely not the type of person to do it to get a reaction from me. He's been really stressed out lately, so maybe that's why he felt like he had to get some release... He's masturbated in front of me before, but it's always been because he'd gotten too sore for anything else to work (too much foreplay). Never because I didn't feel up to having sex. Then it seems like you've answered your own question. Link to comment
MapleCanuck Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Listen, be needed to get rid of the sperm so he could focus on you. Those demons don't just go away. A nice gf would lend him a hand!! Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 If he really wanted to get off, masturbation was the only way under those circumstances. Listen, be needed to get rid of the sperm so he could focus on you. I think the question was whether he should have done it in front of her there and then, not whether he should have done it at all. Link to comment
Aarya Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Ladies and gentleman I present to you, a man that has a clue! I think the question was whether he should have done it in front of her there and then, not whether he should have done it at all. Link to comment
faerietale Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'd be glad that he's masturbating so he doesn't have to bother me while I'm feeling ill. I'd prob high five him after he's done. Link to comment
camus154 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I don't see what there is to "talk about" here. I can understand being annoyed because you didn't feel well, but thinking his actions were "hurtful" strikes me as pretty self-indulgent. Even more so if you try to have some discussion with him about it later. Let it go. Link to comment
DN Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 If he has done this before and you are OK with it, then I don't see why it upset you this time. Is he not supposed to feel pleasure because you have a headache? Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I think it was a little insensitive on his part to do it right next to you as you have a migrain - only because to be migrain denotes one of those 'any sound, light, whatever make me sick to my stomach' type of headaches. If my husband did that (right next to me) i wouldn't be happy if I had a migrain. Normal headache wouldn't bother me so much. Link to comment
Gilson Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Ladies and gentleman I present to you, a man that has a clue! I understood this. This whole thing is strange to me. For me, masturbation is a pretty private thing, unless she is somehow involved. I'd never lay in bed with a woman and just masturbate while she reads or sleeps or anythiong else. Weird. Link to comment
LonelyGirl10 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Maybe I'm weird, but that would have upset me. I don't think it's hurtful per se, but definitely disrespectful. I don't want to see my partner doing that unless it's some kind of foreplay that involves me. I don't care if my partner does it solo, but I don't want to be there for it. Would make me feel awkward. I think he should have gone into another room to do it. Link to comment
giubilante Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I would have been very upset. You were turning him down not because you wanted to, but because you were feeling ill. At that point, he should have either left and done it elsewhere, or stopped and looked after you. Masturbating right in front of you is like a slap in the face. Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I would have been very upset. You were turning him down not because you wanted to, but because you were feeling ill. At that point, he should have either left and done it elsewhere, or stopped and looked after you. Masturbating right in front of you is like a slap in the face. Those are my thoughts as well. At any rate, it bothers you. So ask him to do it in another room next time you don't want to or feel well enough for sex. Link to comment
camus154 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Or--climb out of bed yourself and go sleep on the couch if it bothers you. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I guess just because I felt like he didn't care about me. Like, when he's sick and not feeling up for sex I cuddle him instead of immediately reaching for my vibrator. Okay, that's what *you* would do. He is not you. He also cannot read your mind. I think you know deep down this has nothing to do with whether he cares about you. This would not have bothered me. I would have been happy that he got what he wanted (release), I got what I wanted (to not have sex) and then we both slept, the end. Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I can't believe how many people are being insensitive to her. Regardless of her reason, she was not having sex. To sit there and masturbate beside her is insensitive. There were plenty of times I wanted sex while living with my bf and he didn't. I would go in the other room or wait. He did not need to get off right then. At the very least he could have offered to get her something to make her feel better. Link to comment
DN Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Both people got what they wanted, I don't see why one gets to veto what the other does. If he had pressured you for sex or thrown a hissy fit that would have been a different issue. But this is something he has done before, so I don't see why it is insensitive. Link to comment
camus154 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I can't believe how many people are being insensitive to her. Regardless of her reason, she was not having sex. To sit there and masturbate beside her is insensitive. There were plenty of times I wanted sex while living with my bf and he didn't. I would go in the other room or wait. He did not need to get off right then. At the very least he could have offered to get her something to make her feel better. No one's being insensitive to her. They're just not treating her like a delicate flower because her boyfriend masturbated next to her in bed. Maybe it's just an age thing. Young people have a tendency of taking themselves way too seriously. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 To sit there and masturbate beside her is insensitive. But why? I'm still not understanding why that's insensitive, and I'm female. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.