Guy spending too much money, too soon

[flutterby]

I just met a guy day before yesterday through a friend and we met at a restaraunt for dinner, I have a class in college with his little brother. He paid for dinner and that was fine. The next day my friend and I went to the mall and he wanted to meet us there and I was at the counter to pay for a shirt and pair of sunglasses and I had my debit card in my hand waiting for the cashier to take it while I spoke to my girlfriend that was there and when I turned back around he had put his card up there and paid for my purchase, it made me feel pretty weird since I barely know him and all. That same night he wanted me to come to his place for awhile and I met him at a store to follow him there. When he got to the store he had a red rose and the cutest giraffe stuffed animal for me. A lot of girls would probably eat this up and think what the hell is she complaining about? But I am not used to it and it seems to be too much too soon so I want to say something to him but dont want to hurt his feelings cause I am interested in him and attracted to him, I just dont want another repeat of my first 2 posts on here and for it to crash as quick as it began. He told me that he was engaged to be married before and his fiancee couldnt keep her legs together and that he went into a depression and lost a lot of weight and has gained 15 pounds of it back. So I would assume that they have been apart for at least a few months but I need to ask him to be sure. Maybe his ex was very materialistic or possibly she left him for someone who bought her lots of stuff so he thinks this is what he has to do, I dunno. I would like presents now and then to remind me that he cares eventually if it goes that way, but right now it feels.... odd. Any suggestions on how I can tell him this without discouraging him from ever doing it in the future?

[DBL]

Are you like the first girl he has dated since his fiance split?

 

DBL

[ck]

Wow first time I ever heard of a woman who doesn't want a man to buy her stuff.

 

Well good for you and I commend your feelings, the thing you MUST do is tell him this "the exact same reason why you told us". Your uncomfortable and he is acting like a clingy guy.

 

If he has any sense he will understand, and if not then atleast you told him, if the guy is willing to floss everything in hopes of keeping a girl that is just sad

 

Most women would have been like "Oh cool let me use this dummy for everything he has" and then split and leave him looking like a sucker.

[flutterby]

I havent asked him if I am the first but that is probably something that I should ask him, do you think? I was already sort of wondering the same thing myself, which if I am the first wouldnt be good thing. The last 2 guys I have started seeing have all been just out of a relationship and so I havent had much luck with that scenario at all.

[RayKay]

I have been in a similar situation, and I too felt VERY uncomfortable. The gestures were very nice, and well meant, but I was not ready for a serious commitment yet, and I felt he was rushing things too soon, and felt that it was not fair of me to take things from him like that. He bought me art supplies as a gift (which was flattering, as it meant he had listened to what I like!) on second date (and dinner and drinks, and movies!), third date he brought me a stuffed bunny (I have a pet rabbit), then he wanted to spend big bucks on a lovely evening out as well - out of town at a resort (separate rooms though even..lol).

 

I did talk to him, told him I felt bad, though I DID want to spend time with him I needed to take things slow. He seemed to understand, and told me he was in no rush and we still see each other casually. He is still generous (takes me to plays, makes me dinner) but I don't feel nearly as pressured or "guilty" as he knows where I stand, and if he still wishes to be generous, at least I have been open with him!

 

This guy may just have that generosity in his character, or it might be what he is used to. If it makes you feel strange, tell him you really appreciate his generosity, but that you need to take things slow at the moment and you feel maybe he is trying to move too fast...he should understand this.

[pineapplegirl]

>agreed. That's a little too much, too soon. Be upfront and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But, let him know that you appreciate the kind gestures...

[flutterby]

DBL,

 

I have an update, I spoke with his brother about it briefly and he said that ever since he and his fiancee broke up he gets into relationships really fast and from this I assume that I am not the first. I have since my post spoken to this guy and told him how I felt and he seems okay with it and said that since he likes me he is willing to slow it down.

[DBL]

Yeah I wouldn't hold it against the guy. He is just trying to hard to impress you maybe. You were probably the first girl that told him not to spend on you.

 

Good Luck.

DBL

[Day_Walker]

Its pretty simple, he wants your attention and he is willing to pay to get the attention from you. This is probably a result of past experiences and im sure it has to do with a facet of his personality.