School bullying still a problem!

[losergirl]

DBL:

 

You are right I think and that's exactly what I am requesting at my meeting this coming week. I have a consultant I want them to hire to train their staff on this siuation. It will be a hrad fight because they don't want to spend the money.

 

But I will fight them tooth and nail. Kids need to learn compassion at an early age.

 

I also want a buddy system put in place for my son. I want him buddied up with an 3rd or 4th grader who will look out for him and that way, the buddy leans compassion and my son learns not to have to tolerate that behavior.

 

My son is afraid to talk back to this kid because he is afraid he will hit him, so he says nothing and cries.

 

He already knows that noone will help him and that telling won't change it.

 

Now he tells me he can't talk about it anymore and he has to keep his secret. Whatever that means, I don't know. But it really scares me.

[losergirl]

DBL:

 

legally you cannot install cameras due to the privacy laws. You would need the consent of every parent and staff in the entire school to do so....

 

The school also forbid me to contact this kid's parents. I still need legal advice on this one.

 

I was thinking of putting a tape recorder on my kid or a hidden camera, just so I know. But I don't think it matters cause I saw it with my own eyes as the parent and they still didn't do anything.

 

I questioned other parents and found out that our principal will hide and cover it up as to protect her reputation in the district and her job.

 

Interesting...

[losergirl]

Me again,

 

I volunteered as a parent to watch the kids on the playground and they said I could not due to insurance reasons. hmmm, something is wrong here. Obviosly they don't want an outside witness to their blind eye...

[crookster_man]

Hey Losergirl (interesting name) I'm sure this has been mentioned, but if your convinced that the school will not help, why not move your son to a new school? Look around the neigbourhood and talk to parents of other schools maybe they can direct you to the right place. Of course this would only be a last resort.

 

Another solution might be to look into the DR.Phil TV Show I believe he started a program which deals with bullying and child on child violence in elementary schools. In fact if I remember correctly it was a very good program. If you can't change the system from within, go beyond.

 

here is the website link to that preticular Anti-Bulling pledge. There is also a forum for parents to talk about these issues, you might find it interesting. Good luck.

 

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[Mr Mister1]

Sorry if this has been mentioned before but bullying isn't exclusive to the playground. It carries on into the workplace. A lot of people at work will feel threatened by other people and so they feel they need to stamp their authority.

 

It can happen in a lot of ways, one example that happens a lot where I work is the middle managers feel really threatened by incoming graduates, as this is a place where they recruit the best they can and often graduates rise up the ranks quite rapidly. Because of this they feel the need to stunt their growth by doing things like never giving clear direction about what they want and then getting anoyed at the graduae for not delevering. Being vague and unhelpful when asked for help. Overworking them (making them work long hours, not giving sufficient lunch breaks etc). On top of this they also have the power to give them a rating every 6 months or so and if they say you're not doing good enough then it's very hard to argue otherwise. This happens far too often where I work and has resulted in a lot of people just leaving the place, there is a massive turnover rate here and I know I'll be another statistic in that area soon.

 

Another thing I've seen happen at work, once again when an older person feels threatened by a younger college, is they start spread rumors about them. There has been cases where people will spread rumors about inteligent young and very hard workers having problems with alcohol and even being drunk at work functions all of which are complete lies.

 

Sorry guys, looks like I'm giving you more bad news but alas bullying continues beyond school and I don't know what the answer is, other than to disipline those responsible.

 

I have been faced with a fair bit of bullying from some of my bosses since I started working, the way I've dealt with it is keep as many records of what they say and do as I can.

On top of this I've kept records of any kind of commendation I've received from other people. I've also made a confidental complaint about it but at present have decided not to take it any further. I was on probation when I began working and for a long time they were being very vague about whether they would make me permanant or not, so I kept asking if there was anything I needed to improve on to become permanant, this resulted in vague responses so I noted them down such that if they tried later on to terminate my employment I would have a massive paper train showing that they didn't follow procedures correctly, which would have ended up making them look much worse than me. In the end they did make me permanant, I think they realised I wasn't going to let them push me around and I was willing and able to stand up to them and fight if I had to.

 

That's how I dealt with bullying in the workplace although it's obviously not as simple in the school yard.

[xbox_modding_freak]

Yes what josh g has said is what i do ive never thrown the first punch in a fight so i always have an alibi when a teacher gets me hehehe but if you fight them and u know ure guna loose anyway and they have brought it on you they will get branded a bully and no one will like em

 

 

-XmF

[Mr Mister1]

Okay now to voice my views on how I saw things in my school days, to put things into context I began University in 2000 so all my school experience relates to last century.

 

1) If you're picked on at school, are you reluctant to tell a school official or parent about it, and why?

 

Hmm actually I always did report it when I was being picked on, although there were times when I really would have been better off if I had kept it to myself.

 

2) Do you feel schools do enough to prevent bullying? What specifically does your school do to prevent bullying?

 

Schools do nothing to prevent bullying! I don't know if they're even concerned about it to be honest.

 

Okay we'll start with Primary school, I had this rather bizarre experience where I would oftenget picked on by other kids and then to add insult to injury they would then make up some kind of story to the teachers about me. The curious thing is as there were always more of them then there was of me the techers would take their side, one once even said "look three against one, you must be lying."

 

This actually leads to another form of bullying that occurred in Primary school, where children would make up stories about someone they didn't like and the teacher would believe them. It was quite disgraceful, some children (definatly myself included) would be labeled as bad from the start so if someone else made something up about them the teacher would believe them with no interest in hearing the other side. On the other hand if these "bad" people were to report someone else bulling they wouldn't want to hear it. One time I told a teacher about a boy who was beating up a kindergarden student and she yelled back "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR TALES FROM LUNCHTIME." Utterly disgraceful.

 

Okay then there's high school where they had a very simple way of dealing with "bullies," basically if you were seen to be involved in a fight, you would be sent to this room for the rest of the day. They weren't concerned with who started it or why it started or even if either party even threw a punch, if you were there you go to the "Time out room." There were even times when a guy was being chased by this other guy, he kept trying to avoid him but eventually he was cornered and a fight broke out, ironicly the guy who was being chased was the one who got into trouble.. go figure.

 

3) What is the best way to deal with a bully?

 

I don't know what the best way is, when I went to High School I was the only person there from my primary school. I didn't want any of the trouble I had to deal with in Primary school so I become one of those "loners by choice." I was stremly anti social, I would even act rude just so that people wouldn't come near me. I'd find some corner that no one could see and just sit there, did my best to become invisable.

For most part this worked, I didn't get bullied all that much at High School, sometimes but not as frequent as in Primary School. I just made myself invisable, it did mean I had no friends which is something I still haven't gotten out of the habbit with, but I also didn't have any enemies, I was just some weird loner in the background that no one really bothered with.

 

4) Is bullying affecting your grades, your social life, your self-esteem?

 

Pretty much, as mentioned above I avoided making friends in high school to avoid the risk of being picked on or being rejected. And now almost a decade later I have trouble finding friends. I think it also had a big effect on my self confidence, it's only recently that I've started to regain confidence in myself. Ironicly that's being in the face of bullying in the workplace. I think the whole injustice of being messed about my people who were.. well disgraceful managers, made me stand up and fight for what I believed in.

[Mun]

Losergirl I have sent you a pm with some information.

 

I know how you feel because my son who was bullied is also learning disabled. This makes it specially frustrating that they should go through this. Nobody should, but these kids already have so much to deal with. It's just wrong.

 

I don't know about your district but here they can provide a "shadow" to accompany your child during the day. This is an adult ( para-professional they call 'em) who is with them to ensure that they are safe. My son has one for safety reasons--he tends to wander in the halls at times and may leave campus--we requested one at an IEP meeting. It's in writing so they HAVE to provide it.

 

I don't know if the bullying would constitute a shadow but you should speak to the Special Ed director about your concerns. She/He is suppose to look out for your child's best interest.

 

Also speak to your child's pediatrician-- sometimes they can do something to help you out too.

 

Good luck.

[Scout]

Loser Girl, your name does not go with your tenacity and determination - at all!

 

I want to commend you on your refusal to let the school get away with it's weak excuses and total lack of action. It's people like you that actually reform things, even when everyone around you is resistant to change. I am terribly sorry this is happening to your son, and if I were in your shoes, I would do the exact same thing. And who's to say that if you move him to another school, the same thing doesn't happen again?

 

I think bullying needs to be stopped. First of all, it's a terrible introduction to the world, and can leave lasting emotional damage on a person that they carry with them into their adult life. Second, I think we can all agree there are enough adult bullies in the world who make life miserable for many. If they learn by harsh lessons at a young age that bullying is a completely socially unacceptable behavior in the world, then that will curb their actions.

 

So, to all the parents who get involved and stand up to the schools' apathy, YOU are making real change in this world.

 

These stories infuriate me, and I want to do something about it, too. Maybe I'll write an article, maybe I'll push for other reporters to keep covering these stories. I'm going to do something, that much is for sure.

 

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, and please do keep posting...

[sisterlynch]

We are learning about the Columbine Shooting in my Social Psychology class and I didn't have a whole lot to say on the matter in class other than I think that we all feel bullied at times and want to strike back at times and I guess the school is trying to stay neutral in case they get sued.

 

My son had some people yelling in his ear at school and it was bugging the heck out of him, so I talked to the teacher about it and she said that he needed to report the problem rather than trying to handle the situation himself.

 

The story about the autistic child struck a nerve and the fact that the mom witnessed it makes me wonder?

 

Finally one day I went to pick up my son at school and he was talking to one of the bullies and a teacher and I was feeling very proud of him for finally catching this kid, he has been doing a lot of stuff to my son. Like hitting him with a back pack, my son weighs around 50 lbs, so all this bad stuff is buliding up in him.

 

The teacher made my son say what he felt about what was happening, and my son didn't know what to say since so many things have happened..so I said to him just say a complete sentence to him so that he knows what he is doing, truthfully I wanted to know what the kid has done....After my son said something, the kid brushed it off with he likes it and he thinks it is funny. I said no he does not! He complains about this stuff all the time and He doens't think it is funny, and then I said, you aren't the only one doing this, I know that, but if you did it this time, then you know you are one of the ones that needs to stop it. The kid looked kind of scared at that!!

 

So hopefully things will change little by little.

 

The teacher's point in college was that by teaching empathy to the bullies, by having them watch tapes of what happens to the victim during a bullying session, then that can make a difference.

 

Teachers in school learn to bully at a young age too. that is why they look the other way when all this is happening, like what happened to DBL. The teacher seemed to be letting the other kids bully him, probably so that she wouldn't be bullied herself. Anger and frustration is a powerful motivation to do good or bad to others. We need to make our actions as positve as we can and hold others to a higher standard of behavior.

[Mun]

The teacher's point in college was that by teaching empathy to the bullies, by having them watch tapes of what happens to the victim during a bullying session, then that can make a difference.

 

We need to make our actions as positve as we can and hold others to a higher standard of behavior.

 

Very good point syster. If we hold these kids accountable for what they are doing and not let them get away with it, hopefully things will change.

 

I like what your instructor said about the tapes. I would like to bring this up for discussion next time we have a meeting at my kid's school. I feel that this problem is so serious that we should dedicate some time to it just as we do with the "say No" campaign.

[sisterlynch]

It starts in small ways and builds upon itself. One thing that the bullies can't do is to control you when you are out of their presense. Which is why hitting and spanking kids doens't work by the way. The child will aggress at school if it feels vitimized at home and safe at school.

 

Bullying becomes a stronger force in us as we get older too. I only recently started to stand up for myself in the last few years. So dealing with issues that your kids are having at an earlier age is really important too.

 

Someone who is close to me and heard that my son was being bullied said that I need to take him to counseling which has really helped. He was put into a child socialization group to get kids to communicate their differences rather than act on them physically. Now he is taking religion classes and that seems to be focusing him differently too. He is learning about guilt and feeling sorry when he has done something wrong.

[DBL]

The main teacher that bullied me was a male, and he was the most popular teacher in the school, he was not worried about people bullying him. Let me explain the one incedent further.

 

I was in a studyhall in one of the science rooms. I never had problems with this teacher before, so I was shocked that I was having to deal with what I had to go through. I know he was close with my x's new boyfriend..and she lied about a lot of things, so maybe this was the teachers way of justice.

 

For 45 minutes this is what I had to put up with. It started off with him picking on my choice of clothes which were jeans, t shirt, jean jacket...I was your typical 80's burnout. The whole class was laughing at me, I just let it roll off and concentrated on other things. So I then asked to go to the library and had a pass by my english teacher to go for a paper, but he said I couldn't go. So he continued cutting me up. He had some of the students talk crap about me...A lot of people had things to say since I wasn't allowed to speak...if I said anything back...he would yell at me to shutup. I was starting to get irritated, so I asked for a pass to go to the library again, he said no...I asked for a pass for the principle office...he said no. I threw papers and books trying to get him to write me up now so I can leave the damn studyhall, but nope. Finally I snapped slammed the desk. It did eventually quiet everyone up. I had this teacher for science too...could never figure out how when I have never received less then a 90 on any test or quiz...how I can have a 68 average for the quarter. Where all his ball players failed tests and ended up with 80's and 90's.

 

People think these things don't happen. I can't fully explain the whole details of my last 2 years in HS. Even the nurse had problems with me. I mean here I am 18 years old, a stomach full of ulcers, a doctors note to go to the nurse to get something in my stomach and an occasional carton of milk to help reduce the acid buildup, and the nurse tells the principle I am faking it and should be suspended for not being in class at that moment and going to get a milk from the cafeteria. My result...I was suspended 5 days for getting a carton of milk with a medical note, plus was suspended another 5 days by another principle later that day for another incident where the teacher disrespected me and I ended up throwing my books and cursing. I almost understood why they suspended me for that. However I look at it as if the teacher never said anything to me, then it would of never happened.

 

I even had my guidance counsuler write me up because she said I was harassing her. She wasn't doing her job, they put me in the wrong English class, so here I am for half the year without an English class. I thought I had a right to check in on that a couple of times a week. Their quick fix to the problem....suspend me from English. I failed english by the way...how could I not, in total I missed half a year.

 

If I knew then what I know now...I would of taken better care of the situation so I wouldn't have to talk about it now.

 

DBL

[DBL]

In some cases I think it can be true that it could be the parents fault that their kid is a nerd. On the other hand I used to know some kids that had real cool parents and the kids still be nerds. I also think that some parents do not realize their kids are nerds.

 

I had a friend who is far from a nerd. His family maintains that certain italian hertiage, if you know what I mean. My friend's son was a nerd. He was picked on all the time. His father could not figure out how his son could turn into such a wimp, when everyone in the family were rough. He didn't realize that all this was happening. When he found out he pretty much wrote it off as there is nothing I can do. So here is a guy that will not think twice of kicking your face in, and he has a son that was afraid to get into any confrontation.

 

I have a friend, that has always been a pretty big guy, but very quiet and people used to give him crap. He never struck anybody, he would walk away from any confrontation. I admit I thought he was weird. A few years after HS, I went to somebody's house to buy some "stuff". I was shocked to see this guy there. I never expected his family to involved in anything like that. We became friends a few years later. He always maintained the same peaceful good nature dispostions that people picked on him for.

 

These things just happen...nobody wants their kids to be nerds, nobody themselves want to be a nerd. Not all parents have the luxury of being able to see their kids from the outside like others do.

 

DBL

[sisterlynch]

How did your parents tell you to treat others??

[tea]

Work place bullying occur among scholars too. I recently attended some academic meeting where professors from all over America share their studies. A professor decided to try out her new theory on the group, and during discussion all the other professors just our right mocked her. It seems that most undergrads like myself didn't catch the whole incident, but I did. She ran out crying afterwards and was 10 minutes late to the 2nd session, still crying. She didn't even bother to attend the meeting the following day.

 

It was really sad to see higher level educators acting as if they're kids. The only difference is probably they masked their bullying with beautiful words + praises.

[fantasia2004]

I don't care if you are a nerd or a tough guy bullying is not the way to go . Sometimes people who get picked on tend to take it out their frustration on others in order to feel better and relieve their stress. In adulthood, sometimes you want to kick their a** to put a stop to it.

 

PEOPLE NEVER GROW UP! ASSERTIVENESS IS THE KEY and should be taught to everyone.

 

Yoiu can even learn that on that on the Apprentice.

 

I say if you are older, don't allow others to get you angry and if they touch then you do something. Otherwise, they are insecure themselves.

 

To me it is not worth it getting sick because someone else chooes to annoy you and control you by your anger.

[fantasia2004]

Mr. Mister1,

 

Another thing I've seen happen at work, once again when an older person feels threatened by a younger college, is they start spread rumors about them. There has been cases where people will spread rumors about inteligent young and very hard workers having problems with alcohol and even being drunk at work functions all of which are complete lies.

 

Sorry guys, looks like I'm giving you more bad news but alas bullying continues beyond school and I don't know what the answer is, other than to disipline those responsible.

 

 

 

Feel threatened by what? Bullies feel this way?

[sisterlynch]

I was reading these messages again, I can't say that I have been able to get thru the whole list yet, but Bullying must be an obsessive compulsive disorder.

 

Obsessive means that you can't stop thinking about it. Compulsive means that you do an act that makes you feel better. So fighting a bully or ignoring or putting down someone who is hurting you is most likely adding fuel to the fire.

 

Do most of you agree that this is the case? I have found that people who bully are often frightened of being bullied, hate to be ignored, want to prove to others that they are popular or well liked, so they beat up the kids that are "nice" to them.

 

 

The way to treat others is the way that they treat you. If someone is nice, then you are nice if someone is mean then you are mean. That is the only way to gain respect is by taking on the top bully and showing them up some how. You have to shock them somehow because they are often depressed and anger ridden themselves. They are also rigid in the way that they interact with others. they are extremely boring in this manner, as they tell the exact same stories with the same wording over and over, and they think that is cool and makes them intelligent to other--popular people....

 

Anyone know someone like that????

[Scout]

I don't think bullies have obsessive compulsive disorder. And I'm not going to search for a label that explains it all nicely...because the fact is, there are people in this world who simply enjoy being cruel.

 

And the way to deal with them is not by being nice to them or try to gain their respect. Rather, they need to become afraid of you. They have to learn that if they mess with you, there will be consequences. Unfortunately, that usually involves physical fighting or saying something so cutting and devastatingly embarrassing to them, that they shut up. And not everyone who is a victim of bullying can do either of the two.

 

That's why I think schools should stress respect towards others from kindergarten on up, and be dead serious about it.

[wlfpack81]

I think it is the parents falt the thier kids are nerds. I never was made fun of at school. Plus my parents rised my to be cool to though.

 

Wow...So just b/c someone is a nerd (stereotypically smart, quiet, doesn't dress cool, not the most pleasing facial features/mannerisms) he/she deserves to get picked on? Man from this post seems like you must've been one of the "bullies" we're talking about here. Well if it's the parent's fault a kid is a nerd then I guess it's the bullies parent's fault when his/her child gets shot up by the kid they were making fun of. I mean hey makes since to me..eye for an eye if you want to be like that.

 

As they say the meek shall inheriet the earth and those who are "meek" as in the nerds are tired and fighting back anyway they can be it right or wrong. Just a fact of life.

[mahlina]

1) If you're picked on at school, are you reluctant to tell a school official or parent about it, and why? I wouldn't, mostly because I feel as though the school system itself, didn't always follow it's "Zero Tolerance Policy." Honestly, a lot of that campaign, at my old high school, was mostly a FRONT. Seems as though the teachers were the ones who favored the bullies themselves.

 

2) Do you feel schools do enough to prevent bullying? What specifically does your school do to prevent bullying? They had the zero tolerance policy, but that didn't do much. They didn't seem to follow it. They only followed it whenever we had a school senior prank (i.e. spilling manure on the lawn and nails in the parking lot). Now that I'm in college, the bullies are the ones who we frown upon.

 

3) What is the best way to deal with a bully? Be upfront and tell them that they're not doing the right thing, without throwing a fist.

 

4) Is bullying affecting your grades, your social life, your self-esteem? I can't remember a bully actually affecting my grades. I remember back then in high school, there was a crowd called the "so-called" "gangsters" who tried to bully me. I didn't do anything but mind my own business. It was because this one time, a guy from their group, the school's popular guy, tried talking to me at the lunch line. Me, I shyed away from him, and I had a b/f at that time, so I kept my distance. They kept on talking trash, saying how I thought I was too good, this and that. This one girl threatened to kick my butt. Then she confronts me, then I tell her right to her face: "I'm here to learn. I'm not here to hook-up with guys. I'm the quiet type who's serious about my schooling. I'm not here to act fake and befriend people who I don't know." Then she kept her mouth shut, and actually started to warm up to me.

 

I agree with you Scout, I really think that bullying has a lot to do with Respect, but I also think that it's what kids are learning at home. Half of the times, I wish that the school system could teach the parents about not bullying. A lot of what kids learn, is a reflection of how their parents act like. I'd also correct the behavior of the parents. Some parents never grow up, do they?

 

I also had an incident in which I used to work as a Rec. Leader at the local elementary schools. The kids used to bully this child, so he threatened to commit suicide by running into the parking lot. I felt really bad for him, but my partner didn't. He kept on saying how the kid is weird, and so on. I tried to coach the kid. I felt bad for him, because it looked as though his father was abusive (just by the comments that he would make to his son), and he used to come to school with ripped cloths, ripped shoes, and really messy hair. It looked as though he grew up along the lines of poverty. Instead of hiring people like my ex-coworker, I think that the school-system should really start hiring teachers and supervisors in general, who are more compassionate. That way, they can serve as an example as to how people should treat others. This world needs A LOT more compassionate & kind individuals! That's what we're really lacking...

[odysseus77]

I never allowed bullying in my school. I was what you could call the "anti-bully"...I was blessed to have been given a strong body and a compassionate heart, my family is all law enforcement. So whenever I saw a bully beating, or picking on anybody, I would go over and beat the bully down. As my grandfather always said, "How are we going to defeat the wolves, when the system is trying to turn everyone into sheep?" I think parents should get their kids involved in the martial arts for self protection, and then have them defend weaker children and themselves when attacked. Because I know first hand that bullies dont care how many suspensions they get, it takes a fellow student to strongarm them before they stop....my two cents