enzo2u Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Hi, So I've been dating this woman for the last few weeks. We've been on 5 dates so far, starting out slow with coffee and moving up towards dinner, having her over my place for dinner, and a road trip to a beach for some walking around, etc. We had our first kiss on our 3rd date, so a little on the slow side there. But we talk on the phone or text mostly every day since we started going out. However, I've noticed a strange pattern that I've not seen before in dating. After our 4th date, I mentioned that I wished she could've watched [so and so sports game] with me via a goodnight text, and I got a response, but it had nothing to do with acknowledging or reciprocating that she would've like to spend that time with me too (she was out of town). Then during the week before our 5th date, I mentioned that I was looking forward to seeing her. Again, the response made no reciprocal "Me too." or something simple like that. It's like I never said anything to that effect. Fast forward to last night after our 5th date (road trip), she texted me after we got back and we chatted back and forth. I sent a text saying: "I really like spending time with you, and I think you're a great person." I also mentioned something about hopefully getting a snow day the next day. The next text I get back, again, completely ignores my comments/compliments and only talks about the snow day. Again, I've been in the dating world for awhile now, and I know not to move too fast and that every situation is different. It's not like I started saying these things after our 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd date. I can tell that she definitely like to take things slow, but from my perspective, it's a bit disconcerting, even though we've kissed and made out for the past 3 dates. Anytime I've said this to a past girlfriend or early dating phases, I've at least gotten a response to my statements. Ignoring them all seems very odd, like I won't notice? Any advice here? I don't think I'm in the wrong to question her motives/attraction here. Before dating, we chit chatted for a few weeks so I've known her for at least 2 months at this point (met her just around Thanksgiving). For an age reference, I'm 31 and she's 29, so it's not like we both haven't been around this block before. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I think she may be playing hard to get. She might be think she will sound clingy if she responds "I like you too!!!" Link to comment
paradisa Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Are these all happening in texts? What happens when you say "I wish we could have/looking forward to seeing you again, etc." to her in person or over the phone? I don't know if I would read that much into it if it's just a text and she is receptive otherwise. Link to comment
Slimpee Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 She keeps dating you! I wouldnt worry about it unless she starts turning down dates. Link to comment
Cope and Hope Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 To be completely honest, it's probably because she isn't as interested in this as you are. At the very least, you're coming on a bit too strong and it probably sounds a little needy. Having someone constantly telling you how much they want you next to them or how much they care about you isn't attractive, trust me. My advice, pull back some. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and make her work for it. Remember, you can't become greatly more invested in this than her or else you end up with a very unhealthy and lopsided relationship anyways. Link to comment
chai714 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 There are times situations can be over-thought. Your only concern seems to be her seemingly ignoring your statements and compliments. Your compliments aren't really compliments though but rather seeking feedback because it makes you feel less confident when you don't get the feedback you're looking for. Generally speaking, you should give compliments without expecting any feedback. This woman is kissing you, showing up to dates, taking road trips with you and things are progressing. What more could you ask for? Work on being less needy when it comes to getting her feedback. Link to comment
enzo2u Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 To be completely honest, it's probably because she isn't as interested in this as you are. At the very least, you're coming on a bit too strong and it probably sounds a little needy. Having someone constantly telling you how much they want you next to them or how much they care about you isn't attractive, trust me. My advice, pull back some. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and make her work for it. Remember, you can't become greatly more invested in this than her or else you end up with a very unhealthy and lopsided relationship anyways. No, I totally agree on some fronts, but again, it's not like I told her I loved her after the first couple dates. I don't think telling someone "you're looking forward to seeing them" is wearing your heart on your sleeve. But honestly, in my book, I'm already tuned out at this point. I'll go with the flow but I think maybe skipping a date this weekend may be a good idea to see what her intentions are. It's been awhile since I met someone promising and I always seem to screw it up by going too slow/too fast. So I'm trying to find the 3 bears porridge scenario (jusssst right!). Link to comment
enzo2u Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 There are times situations can be over-thought. Your only concern seems to be her seemingly ignoring your statements and compliments. Your compliments aren't really compliments though but rather seeking feedback because it makes you feel less confident when you don't get the feedback you're looking for. Generally speaking, you should give compliments without expecting any feedback. This woman is kissing you, showing up to dates, taking road trips with you and things are progressing. What more could you ask for? Work on being less needy when it comes to getting her feedback. Agreed. I've complimented her a few times, and I never expect feedback. It's part of my nature to generally be forthcoming when complimenting. But you're correct, these statements are not compliments, but I am looking for some sort of feedback, which makes it different. I'll be totally honest here, this is probably due to my lack of experience with long term relationships. I'm a fairly solitary person who has some social anxiety issues. I've dated a lot but I don't seem to have the experience beyond 3 to 4 dates (aside from a 6 month relationship a few times in the last couple years). So I'm trying to be patient and enjoy the ride. Link to comment
LonelyGirl10 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 No, I totally agree on some fronts, but again, it's not like I told her I loved her after the first couple dates. I don't think telling someone "you're looking forward to seeing them" is wearing your heart on your sleeve. But honestly, in my book, I'm already tuned out at this point. I'll go with the flow but I think maybe skipping a date this weekend may be a good idea to see what her intentions are. It's been awhile since I met someone promising and I always seem to screw it up by going too slow/too fast. So I'm trying to find the 3 bears porridge scenario (jusssst right!). It sounds to me like she's playing games. And it sounds like you're going to respond by playing games. I know that's kinda how the dating world works, but it shouldn't. I think when you meet someone right for you, things will just fall into place. Maybe I'm naive. I've always played games in the past. When I met my most recent ex though, there were no games. He was totally honest about his feelings, and that made it easy for me to be totally honest with my feelings. We just instantly clicked, and I didn't have to over-analyze everything that he did or didn't do. Link to comment
chai714 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Enzo you're doing fine. Enjoy the dates, have fun, but most importantly know that it doesn't matter how you feel - it only matters how you make her feel. If you want a long term relationship, focus on making her feel good about you and being with you. At times, remain aloof and independent. Feed her spoonfuls of happiness in doses. Don't smother the fire thats beginning to ignite. (I'm not sure I can use any more analogies, lol). You get what I'm saying though - friendships and common ground are what make us feel connected. Figure out what makes her tick and suggest doing things that you know she enjoys. Good luck. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Honestly...I'm just like that...I don;t knwo why but I just don;t express those kinds of things in text...especially ealry on. For me it's b/c my family was never very expressive. WE never say stuff like that to each other....but I know it's not uncommon for people to tell their parents or siblings the love them every day and tell them they miss them....it's just not what we do....So at forst I just don;t knwo what to say when I get messages like that. Bottom line is she still responds and she still wants to see you when you ask so I think she is interested she just may have trouble with that type of communication early on. Next time you see her or talk (on the phone not via text) maybe talk about her family...if you say for instance "my mom is so funny she ends her texts with a little xoxo" or whatever I'm just making this up but go with whats true for you...if her family is totally different she might laugh and say that never happens with her. The guy I'm seeing and I had the same talk last night we were watching tv and the family in the show was very uncomfortable saying goodbye at the airport...I said "that's my family right there...they never say ILY or hug unless you might die or something." He said his family were huggers and I better watch out...So I tol dhim my exes family was too...they even kissed me and I'm fine with it I just need time to adjust....So I think he sees now that it's not about him I'm just taking time adjusting to something new...I've been single for a while so my family has been a huge part of my life. So it may not be that she's not having those feelings...it may just be that she's unsure how to express them right now. Look into taht a little before you make any decisions. Link to comment
MapleCanuck Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I had a girl once who is this. She didn't respond to me one night, so I took another out instead. It freaked girl number one out that I could move on so quick. Pull back and play it cool. Link to comment
enzo2u Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 Thanks for all the replies! First time ever posting for advice on this subject. Link to comment
force Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 She's trying to decide how she feels about you, DON'T PRESSURE HER. What chai714 said "At times, remain aloof and independent, and don't smother the fire that's beginning to ignite." Let her make up her mind about you at her own pace. Don't smother her and have your own life. She'll come around if that's what SHE wants to do. Link to comment
Excelsior Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Hey Enzo, im desperate to know how things progressed for you! Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Usually the simplest explanation is the correct one. She doesn't feel the same way. I would back off, before you completely blow it. Link to comment
agatha Posted December 16, 2013 Share Posted December 16, 2013 my current bf has a pretty hard time responding to affectionate texts - he just doesn't know how to write them! it has impaired his previous relationships, so he was pretty straightforward about it to me at the first date. I was "ice queen" at high school exactly for the same reason, so I'm pretty much fine with it. We are going on dates together, and everything is fine. Sometimes he doesn't responds to my texts, sometimes I don't respond to his - if it's just chit-chat, it doesn't matter; like I told him once, it's like dm'ing someone on twitter - not everytime it will be a long convo. on the bright side, about important things we can set everything to the tiniest detail - what, when, where, how, dresscode, who's paying what, yadda yadda. but he holds my hand, hugs me, kisses me, cuddles and spoons even when I warn him that I'm not up for sex, and doesn't leave in the middle of the night. what are words for, when I can have him? think about it. Link to comment
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