Twin Soul? How to deal with separation...?

[ramsickle1369]

Hi ENA... I recently found a term that defines EXACTLY what I've been trying to figure out for 7 years now. It was called "Twin Soul" which is different from a soul mate. It's been on and off from the beginning - each of us running from the other. I always blamed him, but now realize I did just as much running. The intensity between us is overwhelming in both good and bad ways. It's incredible when things are good and absolutely horrific when not.

 

My question is... if you've truly been in a Twin Soul match-up, how do you deal with the separation? It's been over 6 months of his silence and I feel like I'm just being ripped to shreds.

 

People provide the lovely "time will heal" and "you'll move on eventually"... etc. etc. Nothing changes in my heart. In fact, it somewhat pisses me off when people are able to do that when I cannot. It's incredibly frustrating to be completely incapable of explaining what I feel. I spoke with someone who'd been there and she explained that it's pointless to try and explain to anyone who hasn't been there because they simply don't get it.

 

How do you sever the constant agony of missing your twin soul? How do you focus on the positive and let the anger go? In fact, since learning of this term and reading up on it, I’ve felt a bunch of the anger release because there’s something bigger at work here (Which I’ve ALWAYS KNOWN but cannot describe or explain).

 

I’ve grown tired of trying to explain to any of my network because they all just don’t get it. Even my mom tells me that I’m just looking for excuses. And that hurts. She means well, but doesn’t understand that this isn’t a CHOICE. If I had any ability to choose, I’d have let go years ago!

 

Thoughts?

[Jennifer89]

I have seen people do the same thing and eventually break the cycle. For one person it took over 15 years. Time will tell but they are now divorced and have been seperated for over a year. Both are dating and moving on. So I think you can break it, you just have to get to the point where you have finally had enough.

 

What does he do for six months without you? Is he with someone else?

[IAmFCA]

Thank you for this thread! I am at the front end of just such a connection. Have been crying all day because I have decided he is not "him" and yet he feels like a limb, somehow intrinsically connected. I can't bring myself even to make out with him, yet I can spend two days uninterrupted in his company. I can't understand this connection and am striving for a way to be connected to him, while facing the fact that maybe there is none. I have to set him free, so I have. It feels like both the wrong and right thing to do.

[ramsickle1369]

I have seen people do the same thing and eventually break the cycle. For one person it took over 15 years. Time will tell but they are now divorced and have been separated for over a year. Both are dating and moving on. So I think you can break it, you just have to get to the point where you have finally had enough.

 

What does he do for six months without you? Is he with someone else?

It's not something you CAN break. That's the point. It's not something most people can understand. I have no idea what he’s doing the past six months. And it doesn’t matter. He’s not talking to me, so there’s nothing I can do but press on. But it’s killing me that It just up and ended one day (but that’s another issue). I’m most curious the way to deal… from people who’ve actually experienced this type of connection. It’s been 7 years now since I met him. And not a day goes by (good or bad) that I just want to be near him.

Thank you for this thread! I am at the front end of just such a connection. Have been crying all day because I have decided he is not "him" and yet he feels like a limb, somehow intrinsically connected. I can't bring myself even to make out with him, yet I can spend two days uninterrupted in his company. I can't understand this connection and am striving for a way to be connected to him, while facing the fact that maybe there is none. I have to set him free, so I have. It feels like both the wrong and right thing to do.

I know how you feel... being together is wrong and being apart is wrong. There is no win here, unfortunately. You mentioned you can't make out with him, so maybe it's not a romantic connection? Perhaps you are just friends???

[tiredofvampires]

I don't know if I'm totally qualified to answer to this topic. Not because I haven't felt what you're feeling. But because I haven't studied the concept of the "twin soul/twin flame" in-depth, and don't intend to.

 

To me, it doesn't matter what you call this and what theory you have for missing someone who you feel intensely connected to on a soul level. In all honesty, I think these theories make us feel better because they placate the need to understand the forces behind what is really not understandable.

 

I don't think we can try to decode what is true or not about the ways of "destiny", if such a thing exists. As that's a concept, too.

 

Concepts like this do not help the heart heal or grow (as much as you felt some relief for the terminology, as you can see, it didn't HELP), and that is the only thing that matters. The only thing that matters is for your heart to be at peace and to seek love in the world, in whatever form that comes. It's not about defining who and what this person is.

 

So in the service of that goal, there are a couple of things that help me through.

 

First, I recognize that if there is such a thing as destiny (and even if there is not, so it's a failsafe principle), if you are not with someone you feel you belong with, it obviously must be that way. And who am I to argue with that? It seems the height of arrogance for me to think that my being with this person is the right formula in the eyes of the universe (or even in the eyes of the other person). When something is a true match, it will manifest as a true match. This is more empirical than spiritual, in a way. Obviously, the universe is disagreeing with me if we are not united, don't you think? So what is happening is all there is. Creating a reality (that is, end result) in my own head out of deep wishing, and trying to impose that on material reality and events, is beyond presumptuous.

 

In other words, what is happening is exactly what's meant to happen. So the agony is created out of wanting what isn't. And being peaceful in this life is about loving what is.

 

Which is actually a book title that I'd recommend to you, by Byron Katie. "Loving What Is."

 

The other thing is that I like to think of love as a flame. Not a twin flame, or any other specialized flame. Love is love. You can channel it anywhere you choose. As much as we like to think of the one person we are deeply drawn to want to unite with on all levels as some perfection of the state of love...love for anyone else is not lesser. The candle's flame can be drawn from infinitely, it doesn't run out of fire. And even if a candle flame is only a small fire, it can create as big of a fire as fire can spread, if allowed to spread. Likewise, the heart is a small organ that keeps our blood flowing through this body, but when unified with the mind, the love it can generate has no limit and can be indiscriminate in it path, in that there is no need to make a hierarchy of love objects.

 

Love your twin flame. Love a blooming flower. Love a child staring at you from the shopping cart. It's all the same to the language of the heart if you let it be. So love what is around you, and there to be embraced every day. Every moment is a choice to love that which is there in your midst, presented for your connection in that moment. And let go of that which is separated from you physically, to be loved wherever that person/thing exists in its realm apart. You belong here, and they belong there, since that is how it's turned out apparently, and all that matters is that you not be limited in your love by temporal factors or overlook what is right in front of you to love.

[catfeeder]

The only ex of mine who counts has always felt like he's my family. I lived with him for 4 years in my 20s. My sister feels familial about him, too. She and I both attended his wedding a couple years after I left him. His wife stayed in better contact than he did while they were together--contact was hard for him. When I stopped hearing from her I knew there was a problem. Around 5 years after his divorce he and I tried again in our 40s, but the same incompatibilities that broke us up before killed that.

 

He contacts me around each new year, and his sister stays in touch. I can't involve myself with him past that because it feels like getting too close to a propeller. I get sucked in and torn up. It makes no practical sense for us to deal with one another, but the love is still there.

 

Love does NOT conquer all. Personalities get in the way. I take comfort in our connection in the background of my life, but I don't dwell on it. I'm not sad about him, I'm not romantic about him. He's a part of me but not the only part, and I'm long past the painful stuff.

 

It gets better, but it's a decision.

[IAmFCA]

Thank you for this thread! I am at the front end of just such a connection. Have been crying all day because I have decided he is not "him" and yet he feels like a limb, somehow intrinsically connected. I can't bring myself even to make out with him, yet I can spend two days uninterrupted in his company. I can't understand this connection and am striving for a way to be connected to him, while facing the fact that maybe there is none. I have to set him free, so I have. It feels like both the wrong and right thing to do.

 

Scratch that; setting him free led to us holding hands through a 2.5 hour movie and post-screening Q&A. He will go dark now for awhile, but it doesnt matter. Like in CatFeeder's example, the connection just exists. We just have to find a way to accommodate it. In your example, maybe you just carry him with you and imagine a rubber band between you. It stretches and contracts sometimes with years in between, but the connection remains.

[ramsickle1369]

I don't know if I'm totally qualified to answer to this topic. Not because I haven't felt what you're feeling. But because I haven't studied the concept of the "twin soul/twin flame" in-depth, and don't intend to.

If you don't intend to even TRY to understand, why bother putting in your two cents?

Scratch that; setting him free led to us holding hands through a 2.5 hour movie and post-screening Q&A. He will go dark now for awhile, but it doesnt matter. Like in CatFeeder's example, the connection just exists. We just have to find a way to accommodate it. In your example, maybe you just carry him with you and imagine a rubber band between you. It stretches and contracts sometimes with years in between, but the connection remains.

 

I think you're spot on in that the connection will always exist (in good or bad) and I am searching for ways to find a way to simply coexist with that connection. I miss him dearly - and yet, find it hard to come up with a single remaining good quality. I often feel as though it was all a dream... But I was THERE. It HAPPENED. And there's nothing more confusing than the agony of my heart and mind.

[tiredofvampires]

If you don't intend to even TRY to understand, why bother putting in your two cents?

 

I said I'm not going to study the formal concept/label in depth. Has nothing to do with not trying to understand the feelings. I just have my own take on it. Based on my own experience and what I feel matters (I don't find that trying to make sense of love with terms and concepts accomplishes much to heal the heart.)

 

Sorry you got nothing from my post aside from the first sentence. Generally speaking, different orientations and points of view help me here; we're different that way, I see.

[holdonnow]

"How do you sever the constant agony of missing your twin soul?"

 

If I had to hazard a guess, you don't. A breakup **sucks** and there isn't anything you can do about it except process and try to move on/accept that it's over and that he's not the right one for you. It really is like a death but somehow worse. You are left helpless. Unfortunately we can't just get rid of our feelings. It would be great if we could! I know people often try to do this chemically only to find out that it can't be done and then they just end up with an addiction. Some things stay with you forever but time makes it hurt *less.* It certainly doesn't make you forget. Only Alzheimers does that. (As an aside I think you can be addicted to a person the same as you can be addicted to food, drugs, video games, sex, love, or other.)

 

"I think you're spot on in that the connection will always exist (in good or bad) and I am searching for ways to find a way to simply coexist with that connection. I miss him dearly - and yet, find it hard to come up with a single remaining good quality."

 

I'll admit that I am not up on the concept of Twin Souls either (the ephemeral/spiritual/abstract/religious sometimes escapes me since I'm more concrete/practical) but is it possible that you have more than ONE Twin Soul in life? What if you have this Twin Soul who is really horrible for you and with whom the road is just not smooth but there might be another Twin Soul out there somewhere who isn't so toxic for you and could truly make you happy?

 

In terms of co-existing with that connection you had/have, I think any time you are in a relationship with someone, those memories always stay with you. I think they become a part of you. The pain may fade with time but the memories of the relationship are always going to be in your mind. That's certainly normal and to be expected. We learn from all of our life experiences and those make us who we are. Not necessarily a bad thing.

 

I'm intrigued by the concept of Twin Souls and I googled it to see if I could find anything but I wasn't sure if the sites I found were appropriate to what you were talking about. Just out of curiosity (sorry if I am hijacking) but what is the relationship of the Twin Soul concept to the idea of having lots of stuff in common? Like, is it possible to be Twin Souls with someone with whom you don't have anything in common? If so, what does that look like? If not, then what is Twin Soul based on? Reason I ask is because in the more concrete arena, you can have two people who connect sexually but not in any other way, or two people who connect in terms of sharing the same hobbies but have no sexual chemistry, etc. In those two situations I don't think you could call those people soul anything.

 

I guess what I am asking is, what is it that makes your lost guy your Twin Soul, do you think? Did you connect on a plane OTHER than the sexual? Like did you have lots and lots in common and both want the same things? If so, what makes you both pull away or redraw back together?

 

As an aside, perhaps you might also explore the concept of making the brain form new neural connections. Sometimes the brain gets caught in ruts where you experience the same thoughts and feelings over and over and get stuck for really long periods of time. What has happened is that your neurons have created certain connections like pathways being traveled over and over and over. Like if you practice at something so much you get really good at it. BUT fortunately these neural pathways can be rerouted and you can create new ones. This is called neuroplasticity. Might be of some use to you.

 

Six months is not that long if you guys were together for a really long time. I think it's normal if it's still really hard. Hang in there. ((ramsickle))

[pl3asehelp]

I read about it and not surprisingly find it to be just a way to sugar coat and make palatable or acceptable being co-dependant, which I think is dangerous and certainly poor advice. Similar to someone who beleives in astrology not going out to look for a job because the starts told them someone would come to them. It's not going to serve or support you in a positive way. There are many, many resources out there to help people break the cycle of co-dependance.

[pippy longstocking]

I'm intrigued by the concept of Twin Souls and I googled it to see if I could find anything but I wasn't sure if the sites I found were appropriate to what you were talking about. Just out of curiosity (sorry if I am hijacking) but what is the relationship of the Twin Soul

 

you have soul mates and a twin flame .

 

a twin flame is the other half of your soul

 

where as a soul mate can be many and different relationships not just lovers . So it could be a friend .

 

a soul mate relationship will be intense , will feel like the one ..meant to be blah blah but they are on our path to help us learn and be ready to meet our twin flame . Only when we have completed our learning will the other half of our soul be ready for us and vice versa .

[ramsickle1369]

you have soul mates and a twin flame .

 

a twin flame is the other half of your soul

 

where as a soul mate can be many and different relationships not just lovers . So it could be a friend .

 

a soul mate relationship will be intense , will feel like the one ..meant to be blah blah but they are on our path to help us learn and be ready to meet our twin flame . Only when we have completed our learning will the other half of our soul be ready for us and vice versa .

That's correct.

[Roadkill]

I saw your post about trying to get over your ex and would like your thoughts. I recently made the mistake of getting together w my ex wife whom devastated me for years. Now I am feeling used and emotionally beat. How do you shake being so in love w another person that it hurts? I keep thinking .. When she finishes school, leaves her boyfriend whom she doesn't like, blah blah. I need to get rid of the hope...