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what should i do?


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Disclaimer: this is a VERY long post for which I've placed as much detail as possible to get the best possible response but please give me all possible opinions, thank you. I need help in a matter of the heart and in all honesty I don't like to resort to these types of means of advice but I am simply stumped.

First some background. I'm what would, by textbook definition, be considered a superior intellect. Now that is not meant to sound conceited however if it does I apologize I simply wish to be thorough. I posses an IQ of 180 and while I am able to process enormous amounts of information in short amounts of time my social skills tend to lack some development and as such I have the social grace of an elephant.

Anyways, about two years ago I started my full time student career in engineering. I had completed more than half my major at this point through a special program for gifted youth but was forced to take first year classes as per university rules. The whole goal was to transition oncoming high school students into college life by grouping them together so the same set of students would be taking the same basic set of classes. Even though I felt cheated I did soon find that I enjoyed the company of the group I was paired with.

This is how I met my best friend, Katie, a very studious if slightly hyperactive engineering student. She introduced me to the source of my current predicament, jenny. The first time we met happened to be her birthday and having had a total of 5 minutes of history with her I crashed into one of the many pet peeves in my arsenal of awkwardness: my compulsive need to provide some favor or action on someone's birthday. I NEEDED to find something to do for her, keep in mind that at this particular point I felt nothing romantic for this girl, I simply followed my strange behavior. So as I went with a friend to get lunch I saw a flower and picked it then gave it to her saying "it's not much but I hate not doing something for someone's birthday". She liked it or so I can only imagine.

So time passed and we all hung out together between classes for about a five week period. I learned some basic information about her and she learned some things about me as well. I shared with her my dream of one day starting my own technology firm and I told her she could be my CFO. I always felt reassured in my future business when talking to her. She somehow always found some way to compliment me or bring me into a conversation. In general we seemed to enjoy each other's company but never really hung out alone too much. Then one day as we're talking she tells me she wants to take some classes with me. At that point I'd developed a crush on her so naturally I was thrilled. We decided to take 3 classes together. At the same time a friend of mine struggled to pass his classes so i told him I'd help him the following semester and he ended up taking the same classes as me and Jenny.

Happy to have such great opportunity to be with my crush I spent my winter break fantasizing on all the possible ways I'd spend my days with her. Then on my 18th birthday I spend the day with my best friend and jenny. We hung out at the mall then went to jenny's house where we watched a movie and her mom cooked for us. It may sound somewhat dull for any of you crazy partiers but to me there was no better way to have spent the day.

I said goodbye to her and left home sad that the day was over. So I anxiously awaited for the start of school on January when I would see her again. This is where the problems seem to start and in retrospect I would do things differently. I showed up to class with my friend Jessie whom I'd be helping that semester and she seemed surprised that I had brought him. Nevertheless we all got along pretty well for a while but I saw a darker part of myself. Jessie was a very charming and handsome guy and without even trying he appealed to jenny as a more approachable person. I grew very jealous of him and made it clear to him how I felt. He had a girlfriend and in no way wanted jenny he was just being himself and he told me he'd never make a move on her especially knowing how i felt. So I still felt jealous but slightly more calm.

Anyways she was still fascinated with my mental prowess and seemed equally as amazed at Jessie's laziness and lack of drive. One day we met one of her friends, ally, with whom she performed the ever popular ritual of going to the bathroom together. So I saw my chance to get the inside scoop on how she felt about me by asking ally. HUGE MISTAKE. She said she hadn't particularly mentioned having any feelings for either me or Jessie but I got the "great" consolation prize of ally telling jenny about my feelings.

After that everything changed. She treated me with disdain and practically refuted everything I said. I got odd comments and ultimately I learned from my best friend that she liked when guys tell her "straight up" that they like her and that it wasn't going to happen. Personally I don't mind her not returning my feelings but i didn't appreciate learning that from my best friend and worse still having to "clear things up" through text message because she left for spring break.

So I awkwardly moved through the last few weeks of the semester putting up with a seemingly aggravated crush and the shame of having my pride stolen by a random stranger (jenny's friend). I hated how badly everything turned out.

Well for the following year me and jenny stayed acquaintances occasionally seeing each other but not really hanging out or anything. During this time I engaged in a relationship with my best friend that although I choose to remember with happiness and joy ended bitterly with her breaking up with me to be with someone else. While in a relationship with her I regrettably let go of my drive to create a business of my own. So as laid depressed remembering the good things I'd lost some friends reminded me of who I was and metaphorically brought me back to life. My first move would be to return to work on my company so I studied the matter and decided to go and secure all the staff I had "gathered" as of that point.

Well if you remember I had promised jenny the position of CFO and was curious to find out if she'd still be willing to take such monumental role in my business . So I set up a meeting with her. Now before you get any ideas I really only saw this as a business meeting, that is until i actually saw her. There she was just as beautiful and awe-inspiring as ever. I felt my heart thump violently. So we talked for a few hours and it reminded me of old times. Coincidentally it was her birthday so I bought her lunch we laughed and even talked of my recent break up. She said "really? What's he got that you don't?" on the matter of the man my ex left me for. Also saying "he was annoying always trying to compete with you" (yes we knew each other). Then we talked about her own love life and how she had dated this army guy whom I lovingly nicknamed dear John. She told me how he gave her a nook for her birthday to which I remarked "he must have gotten a lot of love for that". She said "not really ... He hasn't gotten much at all". She told me how she was still a virgin and how things weren't really working out between them. So after our meeting and a very enjoyable time spent together we said goodbye and I was left with an all too familiar feeling of longing to be with her. For weeks after we hung out repeatedly between classes I learned that I wanted her. Only once did she ever cancel with me saying "I don't know if I could spend time with you because I have a test to study for". So as the 2012 fall semester ended and I was to receive my degree in engineering i could only think of sharing it with her.

My birthday came once more and we were going to hang out together but when I met up with her she had brought some friends with her and said "I never thought I'd be the one planning your birthday but everyone should have a party on their birthday". I awkwardly said how strange it was to see her be so involved and she said "yep **** happens and then you find out who's really there for you". She also remarked that I had a strong personality which she liked. Everyone that was there seemed informed of my "genius" status as jenny had told them. However someone just had to bring up my ex who was known to be by my side at all times. I reacted admittedly more annoyed than i should and I noticed a negative reaction in jenny. So afterward we said goodbye and jenny said I hope you had fun and then I said hope we can hang out soon. She answered yea maybe before the winter break is over. Sadly I got sick and couldn't hang out with her.

So after such a long and probably overcomplicated briefing of my relationship with jenny, I ask those few of you still interested enough to have read this far; what do I do????

She is who I want. She's the Pepper Potts to my Tony Stark. I always found her to be so inspiring and awesome a woman who i want to love and protect. We're not known to have very much in common, we each have our own tastes but honestly I'm fine watching a movie or at a club (im not overly fond of clubs) or anywhere else as long as I'm with her. It's not the activity but the company. I can't help but want to tell her but I don't want to mess up and lose a friend and a possible staff member. So please tell me what you think in as much detail as possible .

Should any questions come up let me know.

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So, have you ever seen "The Big Bang Theory" tv show? Nevermind. I'm mensa eligible as well. In any event, there seems to be something in her that's intrigued with you, so that's good news. I'm not sure if her withdrawal after your questioning her friend was real or perceived, but either way, time has past. She has since planned your birthday party, so it seems forgotten. More good news. I think you know what you need to do. She needs a guy to tell her "straight up" that he likes her. Women are funny that way. They like a guy with confidence and is someone that can take control. Your best shot at getting her, is to give her what she needs. I don't know what country you're in, or what your local customs may be, but you need to ask her on a date. Since you've known her as a friend for a while, ask her out to dinner. A nice dinner. That will subtly let her know you're seriously interested in her and you've become the straight up kind of guy she needs. The only thing you have to lose is uncertainty.

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Ok - first I'm going to sum this up and give the Coles Notes version.


You met a girl. You liked her. She found out because you told her friend (btw - girls talk. If you tell a girl's friend, it will always get back to the girl. Always.). She got kind of snippy and distant, brushing you off because she didn't feel the same way (oh yes - it wasn't just how you asked) and the revelation made her uncomfortable. After much time (and a few years?), you've re-established the friendship you had with her. Now the crush is back. Rinse and repeat.


I hate to say this - but you already know how this ends. I'll be blunt. She doesn't like you like that. And more - in her heart, she probably knows that she can have you. So if she did want you like that, you would absolutely, 100% know - because she could easily be bold about it, with little fear of rejection.


You can't make someone love you. I'm sorry... it sucks, but you can't. It's that "free will" thing. The best advice I think we can give you is not to get her involved in the business. It will drive you mad and you won't truly be able to move on from her because you have her on a bit of a pedastal. Keep it friends and look for someone else. Someone who is crazy about you.

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I disagree with this assessment. I think she does like you and is most likely getting tired of you not taking action. You can rely on her friend's words, but whose to say this is even accurate information. Take a good look at the evidence. She clearly wants to be near you (planning your birthday party, the classes, spending time with you socially, etc.) Supporting you and talking about your future business endeavors- ding, ding, ding. How many girls will take the time and thought to do that? My advice is to ask her out in whichever way makes you comfortable. I prefer phone or in-person, however I am also in my fifties. I guess young people these days text these things, too. What's the point of you two each dating other people and beating around the bush, if you have such feelings for her. Go after her. You're young, yes, but it sounds like you two make each other happy. Just take a deep breath and ask this girl out on a proper date before another young man does.

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