Any other tips on healing?

[maggieMAE]

Besides NC and trying to stay distracted, what are some other good tips or steps to moving on? I think many people could benefit from a discussion like this, myself included.

 

For me, making a list of my ex's faults or the times when she hurt me really helped. Whenever I feel sad or am wondering if I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me, I look at that list and relive the hurt feelings of the relationship. Not focusing my attention on my ex's issues, but more so on how I felt, because that's where our attention should be. That helps a lot with staying grounded and, I assume, avoids building resentment.

 

I also started a memory jar this year. I'm sure many of you have heard of a lot of people starting these on New Years Day. You take a jar and write one or two good things that happened to you for the day on a piece of paper and add it to the jar. I look forward to reflecting on those things next New Years Eve, but having the visual reminder that my jar already had 16 pieces of paper in it is really a big boost. ALREADY 16 things, at least?! Amazing.

 

What are yours?

[and so it goes]

I like the memory jar idea alot!

 

What I've done in the past to get over things:

 

1.) Go to the gym and work out like crazy

2.) Reboot life, get back in touch with old friends/relatives

3.) Experiment with doing things I haven't done in the past - push the comfort zone

4.) Stay really busy

5.) Go places, see things, do things that I never had time for (or didn't becuase of being in a relationship)

6.) Take classes, go to events, volunteer, shake things up a bit

 

Hell, I started to actually really enjoy being broken hearted after a while lol

[mhowe]

Making a list of your ex's faults -and reliving the hurt --is reliving the hurt. And putting energy on the ex.

 

Instead, everytime you "think" about ex...allow yourself 5 minutes and then get up and do something. Anything. Walk, laundry...physically get up and move.

 

By the end of the month, you will be very fit and have a clean house!!!

[maggieMAE]

Good point. I suppose it does put energy on the ex, but helps me realize that they aren't worth it and reminds me that my feelings should be first priority. I don't know if I'm describing it properly, but I'm not cursing the ex for how she was with that little exercise. I'm reminding myself of how it made me feel so logic comes into play that I shouldn't be wasting time on this person. I notice when I do this kind of thing, the time spent thinking about them lessons dramatically as the days go on. For example, over the past month I got really gloomy because my ex tried to pop back into my life, and my focus went back to her and what she's doing. Once I reminded myself of how she made me feel during and after the relationship, I remembered that I'm on the right track.

 

and so it goes, that's awesome! Pushing the comfort zone is a great idea. I've been trying that myself, but I admit I gotta try a little harder. It definitely helps with self esteem and you learn a thing or two.

[ami7]

Just be your own best friend, do things you like to do, things that make you feel good, proud of yourself, just make everything in your life just about you for now, I would even stay away from new relationships for a while since you are not ready, stay focused all the time on your moving on, on your healing, don't look back, stop torturing yourself with false illusions, hopes that they are coming back etc, unanswered questions, unsaid words, its useless... thinking about their fault, why? they are gone, that wouldn't change anything, but you can always change how you feel...

just remember! they are gone and you got a life to live, your life so make it beautiful!

[pixel clouds]

I love the memory jar idea - thank you for the tip!

 

I write down both my ex's good points and bad points, happy memories, lost hopes, and positive things for the future. I know like mhowe said it is putting energy into the ex, but I find that once it helps to organise my thought. Once I have written it down I can move past the thought rather let it resonate around my head.

 

I've found the best distraction for me is just focusing on myself and working towards my goals, and living in the moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

[beatlesfan123]

The only thing I can suggest is avoiding things that make you think about your ex or focuses on the fact that you had a relationship that has ended.

 

So lot's of don'ts including: stay away from songs about heartbreak, films that you used to watch together, trying to figure out what happened, looking through old photos...

 

To be honest I don't think there are many do's. The only thing I believe heals is time. Everything else either doesn't help or can only make things worse. Stay away from the things that make you feel bad, do what you can to make time fly by and that's it.

[franklinWEENIE]

You take a jar and write one or two good things that happened to you for the day on a piece of paper and add it to the jar. I look forward to reflecting on those things next New Years Eve, but having the visual reminder that my jar already had 16 pieces of paper in it is really a big boost. ALREADY 16 things, at least?! Amazing.

 

 

 

Wow thats so cool I am def doing it I'm 16 days late but I already Know some things to put in THANKS FOR THE IDEA !!! & BTW I agree with you with listing or remembering all your ex's faults you don't feel as if you lost the most great thing in the world. Hope all is well .. XO

[charity]

you might not want to hear this but my best tip for true healing and growth is to analyse how I was in the relationship, analyse MY faults, things I ignored, things I would do differently. its not about having regrets or beating yourself up. its about growing and learning from every relationship. i find when i do this i feel almost a sense of relief that i figured something out and i feel more confident that those same things won't happen the next time.