Always angry at me...

[cleverme123]

I know I give advice a bunch but when it comes to my own situation I get all confused. First I am pregnant and living with a guy for about a year. HE has this ex that keeps popping into the relationship and screwing things up. Found out recently he has been sneaking to her house. I snooped in his email and found out. Yes that was wrong but when I confronted him he told me the mail never existed, I was lying and if I ever went in his email again he would break my hands. He is defensive saying I have all these emotional issues and I am always depressed.

To say the least, depressed doesn't even touch the way I feel. To listen to him I can't clean, can't cook, I am annoying to him, he hates the little things I do. I talk to him too soon when he comes home from work. I have no job...but on that note I try to get a job while the kids are at school and he tells me not to worry about it. Then when he gets mad he blows up telling me I need to get a job. But when I have one he won't let me keep it. He is always telling me the problems are my fault. I need help. Blah blah blah. I know in my heart it isn't all me. I find myself tailoring my conversations with him to the point I know what makes him angry and won't say those things.

He calls me names and puts me down constantly. But then there are other times he mellows out and he is fine. He tells me he loves me but is unhappy with me???? I don't understand that.

Personally every time he gets caught in a lie or running about with his ex that is when we start to have problems, counseling is not an option and I am a bit afraid to try to leave ( I really have no where else to go) Any advice to make it a little better?

[Scout]

No, there is nothing that will make this better. You can't change this guy, he's verbally and emotionally abusive...and I wouldn't be surprised if he's been physically abusive with you, too.

 

You don't have any family that you could stay with? Seriously, things are only going to get worse with this guy.

[antzca2000]

^ 100% agree

[Scout]

And I can imagine this is a tense, unhappy situation for your children. Seriously, think hard about how to get away from this guy, because you and your children need to be in a happy, supportive environment. This is very, very unhealthy for your kids - and you.

[Vanilla]

typical manipulator. They subtly encourage you to do things like get a job and such, then when you try to they tell you not to. Manipulators constantly put the other person down. They want to make you feel like you're not good enough and that you rely on them. They want you to feel like you're unworthy of being loved, and by that the manipulator seems even more of an amazing person in your eyes because even though you're so horrible and unworthy they're still with you! Aww how nice of them! (complete and utter sarcasm). That man is sick! Not only is he cheating on you but he's trying to manipulate you psycologically and that can severely hurt you and your children mentally. You're pregnant for christ sake! Whateve ryou feel whatever you go through that child inside of you goes through and feels. You shoul dbe up on a pedastool right now!

 

You need to get away from him, please take yourself and your children with you. These people start out just being verbally manipulative and before you know it it gets physical.

[swordman]

Wow, difficult situation, especailly your pregnant peroid. Seems like he just (un)intentionally wants to destroy your self-esteem, so you can't leave him.

However, I think you first should ask yourself how much you love him and how much he loves you. Do you two see future together? If no, you might need to think about leaving him for your and your baby sake. Of course, you have somewhere to go. You can live happily by your own. Everyone can. I don't really like the idea of broken family, though. If you have to, you have to.

If you do see life together with him and your and his love are strong. You two might need to take couple communication class at first.

He said you can't cook, clean or whatever. Do it. Learn how to cook, clean, get a part-time job. These are for your own good. You want your baby to grow up in the clean place, clean food, don't you? If he don't want him to keep the job, don't leave the job. Plus it will boost up your self esteem and social life. Don't listen to everything he tells you. You need to stand up on your own. Find something you can do as a job and earn extra money. Doesn't matter how much you will get because right now you need to rebuid your self esteem. Lacking of self esteem can cause jealousy and insecurity and those ugly feelings, which can ruin your relationship. Don't let it happen. Don't let him put you down and don't angry at yourself. All relationship conflicts happen from both sides. There is no one side absolutely right or wrong. You two have to help and compromise each other. Hope it helps a little bit. Keep us post. I really want to hear good new from you.

[Scout]

All relationship conflicts happen from both sides. There is no one side absolutely right or wrong. You two have to help and compromise each other.

 

Yeah, this is true for healthy relationships. Based on what she's said about this guy, do you honestly believe this is a healthy relationship and that he's going to do his share to "compromise"?

 

To the original poster: Find a way to get out of this relationship. For your children's and your own sake. Fast.

[cleverme123]

Well I did get a part time job today so I feel mildly better. I don't know how he will react because she scheduled me around my kids school schedule and will let me take them with me if I need to. That is at least a step for me. I am also working on seeing about some kind of transitional housing, with little money from my part time job at least they will consider. It's kinda weird because he never treated his ex wife like this but his first wife he did twice as much.

Scout your right there is no compromise with him, he is right and I am either wrong or projecting some sort of mental problem that is "making me" do all these terrible things to him. I even told him the other night that it was all me and I was sorry and he backed off. I don't want to live that lie. I broke out of one other situation like that and didn't want to admit this is bad, but it sure is taking some same characteristics.

[evy38]

He's lieing to you, cheating on you and threatening to hurt you. Why would leaving his sorry butt even be a question? He has, not one ounce, of respect for you. Get out and tell him to loose your email.