Critique my situation?

[Incognitopad]

Hey, I'd like someone to judge my situation. I feel like it could help me to think of things I haven't yet thought of and reconsider things I've already decided on. I'll even show her this thread so we can look at the replies together.

 

I'm from Canada and I'm 18. I met this girl on omegle back in early September, she was from the UK. She told me she was 18 but we didn't think the conversation would go nearly as far as it did and so she had to later tell me the truth that she was 15. I was mad at first but then forgave her and we continued as Internet friends for a bit although we both really enjoyed each others company and it was clear we both had a thing for each other deep down. We talked about quite a bit as friends, simply texting using this app, and then around late October it started to turn to more. We began to open up, sending pictures and voice notes, becoming closer.

 

As friends we had originally planned that we would eventually meet in maybe 3 or 4 years, and if we were both single we would see what might happen. But obviously if we were already finding ourselves really attracted to each other already (I KNOW she's real, we have each other on facebook and I've done background checks for things etc), we need to keep the relationship alive throughout the time of distance. I told her mid November that it might be possible for me to visit her next summer. She slowly opened up more and more to the idea and now its something that's going to happen. We knew it would take a lot of planning and effort but I know its worth it to keep us together, + we obviously have to meet in person to see how we are with each other physically. I haven't told her this but I have made 85,000$ from gambling in an online game and plan on trying to make some more during the next semester. It's the only way our relationship will even be possible. If next summer goes well and I've made some money, I'll want to visit every winter/summer break (Try and make the visits cheaper as time goes on, the first one will be a bit more just to make it a good time), and then she wants to save so that in the summer of 2015 we can both meet in Italy for a week together (shes warming her parents to the idea of her going alone to Italy then), and then the year after that when I'm done university and she's starting it, we could possibly be together.

 

The whole situation is so complicated yet it seems to fall into place perfectly. I know I'm crazy, we both are, but it's for the sake of love. We talk about anything, literally everything. There's nothing we are afraid of being open about, it's amazing. We both love what the other looks like, I think she's so mature for age; I've never met a 15 year old girl as mature as her. At the same time we do fight and we do have our off moments, but it's something I need to pursue, at least until the summer when I first meet her. As of now I'm not risking anything except the money that it'll cost to visit her, however I'm not purchasing anything until much later so even that isn't a problem because I know I'll be sure by then. But I truly feel I need to pursue this, and I know she can't let go.

 

The only problem is that sometimes I feel like I get less for what I put in. And when I feel like this I tell her about it. We're open about our problems together, but lately we've been off and I'm just not sure. On one side I wish we could just be happy together but on the other I know we need to get through this and resolve this or else it won't work.

 

Please be hard on me and ask any questions you need to. I'll also clarify if I think you misunderstood something. Make any assumptions you feel like making. Thank you so much.

 

edit: i didnt put that much time in this and might have worded somethings badly, but do what you can.

[Ayanokōji]

The classic hopeful LDR dilemma, I commend you for being able to earn $85,000 through gambling on an online game, that is quite the feat. At your age relationships form and break somewhat easily since people at a young age are more naive and more "fantasy like", this could work but the amount of uncertainties are big, it is difficult to speculate and help you make an informed decision knowing so little but she being 15 would result in a high chance she could change her mind later.

 

Regardless, love is a gigantic risk, you invest in it financially and emotionally, if successful you reap the greatest reward life has to offer, if unsuccessful you feel one of the greatest pain and loss life has to offer. Like any other risk, one would first speculate the % of the success rate and the % of it failing. No one can do that better than you can since you have the most information regarding her and your circumstances and since you've achieve the amazing feat of winning $85,000 on an online game assessing risks should be second nature to you.

 

My personal rule is before entering any relationship, first make sure that you are ready for one. This not only means you are able to let another person into your life, be emotionally available and not hung up on some ex but also that in the unfortunate event that it does fall through, are you going to be strong enough to sustain the damages to yourself both financially and emotionally?

 

Your fear is that you feel like you are putting in more effort in the relationship than she is, what has she done which makes you know that this plan is going to fail?

 

The bottom line is simple, you need to look at the events which occurred between the two of you, make a judgement call on her personality and her ability to follow through, weigh the risks and gains from the relationship and see if you can sustain the damages done should it not work out as you intended.

 

Communicate with her a lot and ask her some critical questions to ensure she is absolutely sure before you commit large amounts of finance trying to bring the relationship to fruition. By critical questions I mean specific realistic things that she would of considered if she was serious about it i.e how much money she would have saved up, what her financial plan is etc... if she hasn't even thought of a realistic plan then she obviously isn't keen on getting this to work or she is expecting to rely on you for everything.

 

If you are quite sure that the love between the two if you is real and she is willing but you simply have a problem with her showing less motivation than you are then simply think in the reverse, what if she was the one who got less for what she put in? Wouldn't she feel the same way you are right now? The fact is no relationship is exactly 50/50 and expecting it to be exactly 50/50 is obviously not going to work since you will start holding grudges and counting every little cent.

 

It is fine that you are doing more for the relationship as long as you love her and you are sure she is the one, you are the man after all.

[winniethepooh]

I'll even show her this thread so we can look at the replies together.

Don't do that.

 

This is your head, your feelings. If you plan to do that, it will distort what you write.

 

I'm from Canada and I'm 18. I met this girl on omegle back in early September, she was from the UK. She told me she was 18 but we didn't think the conversation would go nearly as far as it did and so she had to later tell me the truth that she was 15.

15!?? Gaaaaaaa!!!! Abort! Abort! Abort!

 

I think there are potential legal difficulties here which might have very long-term bad consequences for you. Isn't there a reason why some of these websites require you to say you are at least 18 to sign up?

 

I was mad at first

You should have been gone. Not because she lied (that's up to you), but because she was 15.

 

but then forgave her and we continued as Internet friends for a bit although we both really enjoyed each others company

What? What company? You are online, not meeting in real life.

 

and it was clear we both had a thing for each other deep down.

That is natural when you communicate with some people, no matter what their age. It reflects that we are human and desire such a connection with someone else. It also changes over time, and you and her are no exceptions to this, unless you're from a different planet.

 

We talked about quite a bit as friends, simply texting using this app, and then around late October it started to turn to more. We began to open up, sending pictures

If there are naked pictures involved then I think I'm sure you are potentially in trouble legally.

 

and voice notes, becoming closer.

Not geographically, and not in real life. You are becoming closer to each other, significantly distorted by your imaginations of each other. Don't think I am saying that because you are young, it happens to people of any age when they develop online relationships (it's happened to me for example, and I am a whole lot older than you).

 

As friends we had originally planned that we would eventually meet in maybe 3 or 4 years, and if we were both single we would see what might happen.

Nice plan, in theory. It might happen, it might not, but you are making it happen with this communication, not seeing what might happen.

 

But obviously if we were already finding ourselves really attracted to each other already (I KNOW she's real, we have each other on facebook and I've done background checks for things etc), we need to keep the relationship alive throughout the time of distance. I told her mid November that it might be possible for me to visit her next summer.

Unless you get arrested.

 

She slowly opened up more and more to the idea and now its something that's going to happen. We knew it would take a lot of planning and effort but I know its worth it to keep us together, + we obviously have to meet in person to see how we are with each other physically.

Physically? Good grief, is she still 15?

 

I haven't told her this but I have made 85,000$ from gambling in an online game and plan on trying to make some more during the next semester. It's the only way our relationship will even be possible.

You want a relationship with someone to be dependent on your gambling successes?

 

If next summer goes well and I've made some money, I'll want to visit every winter/summer break (Try and make the visits cheaper as time goes on, the first one will be a bit more just to make it a good time), and then she wants to save so that in the summer of 2015 we can both meet in Italy for a week together (shes warming her parents to the idea of her going alone to Italy then),

Haha, she's not going alone, she's going ... er ... planning to meet you. Do her parents know this?

 

and then the year after that when I'm done university and she's starting it, we could possibly be together.

Lots of things are possible. Some things are more likely than others.

 

The whole situation is so complicated yet it seems to fall into place perfectly.

Make up your mind, is it complicated or perfect?

 

I know I'm crazy,

Then why are you doing this?

 

we both are, but it's for the sake of love.

For the what??

 

We talk about anything, literally everything. There's nothing we are afraid of being open about, it's amazing.

You are learning about being "in love" (it's a drug, it's passive, it's not the same as loving someone, which is active). You are also learning about communication, and what sort of communication you like with someone.

 

We both love what the other looks like,

And you are learning what sort of person you are physically attracted to.

 

I think she's so mature for age;

I don't.

 

I've never met a 15 year old girl as mature as her.

How many 15 year old girls have you met?

 

At the same time we do fight and we do have our off moments,

You are learning that people are different, and it's not always easy to communicate.

 

but it's something I need to pursue,

No you don't. It's something you want to pursue. Learn the difference between need and want.

 

at least until the summer when I first meet her. As of now I'm not risking anything except the money that it'll cost to visit her,

And jail time.

 

however I'm not purchasing anything until much later so even that isn't a problem because I know I'll be sure by then. But I truly feel I need to pursue this, and I know she can't let go.

You need to learn the difference between need and want. So does she. From here, you can do it a painful way, or a very painful way.

 

The only problem is that sometimes I feel like I get less for what I put in.

You are learning about trying to find balance in a relationship.

 

And when I feel like this I tell her about it. We're open about our problems together, but lately we've been off and I'm just not sure.

You are learning that sometimes a relationship and communication is difficult. You might also be learning that feelings fluctuate.

 

On one side I wish we could just be happy together but on the other I know we need to get through this and resolve this or else it won't work.

You are learning that wishing for things happens in fairy tales. And you are correct in thinking that relationships don't work if you don't resolve difficulties. Usually - sometimes they appear to work, after a fashion.

 

Please be hard on me and ask any questions you need to. I'll also clarify if I think you misunderstood something. Make any assumptions you feel like making. Thank you so much.

She's 15. No further comments need to be made, or questions asked. But for the sake of your emotional state, I'll continue.

 

If you and her think this is acceptable, then tell your respective parents. If they think it's acceptable, then go and see a lawyer. If he or she thinks it's acceptable, then you're on the right track in terms of thinking about how a good relationship can work (in general, not necessarily with her). But irrespective of ages, you are getting way too invested in someone online. Take one step at a time. Plan to meet, don't plan your whole lives together, don't plan the next few years together. Plan to meet.

 

But realistically, you (and her) are trying to do far too much too soon I think (again, if I put the her age aside). If you really want to test how deep your love for each other is, part amicably now, as friendly as you can. Then disconnect totally from each other until she is 18. In the meantime, live through the pain of that disconnection, focus on other things, communicate with other women, and try not to get so invested in someone online so soon (or anyone too quickly for that matter). It's going to be difficult and painful, but far better to do it now than in 10 or 20 or 30 years time.

 

Aside from the legal issues (if their are any, I should stress I'm not a lawyer, or that familiar with the law in the UK or USA), there are biological issues relevant to her age particularly, perhaps less so for you, and also psychological issues relevant to your ages. You've probably considered that already. If you are serious about wanting to be rational, then you will consider those things a whole lot more, in a rational way, not an emotional way. And if you think you're different to everyone else, you are almost certainly going to learn very painfully that you are not.

 

edit: i didnt put that much time in this and might have worded somethings badly, but do what you can.

You were clear enough about the significant aspects.

[MapleCanuck]

Run from the 15 year old.

 

For the Americans, the age of consent in Canada is 14 though. Still dude, run. She is too young for you and would you want your 15 year old daughter online talking to a guy in another country?

[catfeeder]

It sounds as though you need to shut down your computer and start cultivating a more interesting life in the real world.

 

Living in your head allows you to form great fantasies 'about' other people, but it's not the way to get to know anyone. It keeps you stagnating while the rest of the outside world feels boring in comparison.

 

Consider working with a counselor who can help you break the cyber-habit and set reasonable steps for you to make friends who you can enjoy in person.

 

Head high.

[Heather Dawn]

Please be hard on me and ask any questions you need to.

 

She's 15. And I highly doubt that she's mature for her age - I think you're just immature for yours.

 

You need a life - one that involves girls your own age and takes place offline, in the real world. Get off the computer, stop gambling, quit building up this fantasy in your head of a fairytale romance with this CHILD, and grow up.

 

Was that hard enough?

[Incognitopad]

Thank you everyone. I'm continuing the relationship.

 

^ I'm also going to continue gambling, making more than you do.

[sidehop]

Thank you everyone. I'm continuing the relationship.

 

^ I'm also going to continue gambling, making more than you do.

 

You came here to get an advice and it sounds like people have taken their time and given you a good advice. Your last comment is also not necessary.

[Incognitopad]

Yeah, once again thanks for the advice everyone. I believe it was a good idea I asked this question in case there was anything I hadn't considered. All good though.

[metrogirl]

Thank you everyone. I'm continuing the relationship.

 

^ I'm also going to continue gambling, making more than you do.

 

Well see that just proves our theory that you are pretty immature. Do as you wish, your earnings will run dry and in the end you will be left with a 15 year old girl that still needs a lot of growing up to do.

[Heather Dawn]

Thank you everyone. I'm continuing the relationship.

 

^ I'm also going to continue gambling, making more than you do.

 

Thanks for the lulz, Incognitopad.

[Incognitopad]

Well see that just proves our theory that you are pretty immature. Do as you wish, your earnings will run dry and in the end you will be left with a 15 year old girl that still needs a lot of growing up to do.

 

Yeah, only someone immature would gamble with 53-60% win odds. Please tell me more about how immature I am for making 120k$ off of a simple online game even as I am going to school.

 

^ no problem Heather! People say I'm a funny guy. Didn't even try that time.

[Heather Dawn]

Yeah, only someone immature would gamble with 53-60% win odds. Please tell me more about how immature I am for making 120k$ off of a simple online game even as I am going to school.

 

^ no problem Heather! People say I'm a funny guy. Didn't even try that time.

 

Huh. Thought it was $80k or something. Guess you just won another $40k in the last day or so.

[Incognitopad]

It's called a vehicle and other nice things.

 

Pretty sure this thread is over though.

 

THANK YOU ALL! Especially you Heather, your boyfriend is a lucky guy ;-)

[turnthepage]

I'm from the U.K, and here, if you pursue this, you will be arrested as she is a CHILD. So I recommend you don't. She is being off because she is 15 and enjoying the attention of a boy taking so much interest and being the Romeo to her Juliet..

 

Also, don't be rude to strangers that are taking time to analyze a situation that you wanted analyzing, just because you don't like their response.

[catfeeder]

[...] Also, don't be rude to strangers that are taking time to analyze a situation that you wanted analyzing, just because you don't like their response.

 

Yup. This positions you as a baiter that claims to welcome all 'critique' but then can't handle it with any degree of graciousness. While you can do that if you want, it will influence your ability to gain input in the future.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread closed.