Sweet Entropy Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Sorry for the long post, I'll try to be as succinct as possible. I need advice on this situation, please: This girl and I both liked one person. The difference is she wants a relationship ("RL" for short) with him, I don't; I had a crush on him but I'm not ready for a RL and I'm ok with that. I ended friendship him after some arguments. Then he broke up with her. He unfriended her on FB but has been using a fake account to view her wall, and she knows it. He's still reading mine, too. But he no longer talks to either of us. Thing is, she still has feelings for him and as soon as she learned that I also had feelings for him, she started treating me like a "love rival" (while I, on the other hand, have no intention of competing with her for a RL). She does not even believe it when I told her I no longer talked to him or wanted a RL with him. I could tell she hated me and somehow she thought that if she could "beat" me, then she'd "win" him or some sort of personal satisfaction... Everytime I talked to her, just a normal conversation and nothing else, she put up some statuses on FB to make it sound like I did something wrong to her. For example, once I told her, "I'm very upset at the moment because I found out that he used a mutual friend's account to read my FB". Without saying anything to me, she put some statuses on FB that said, "Mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved" and some that asked him to take her side over mine... Those statuses really made it seem like I was picking fights with her; she was making me look like a "villain" to make herself look "better" to him; in other words, she's tried to mess up whatever's left between me and him. I saw through her intention right away, I was pretty angry at her drama-queen behavior but I ignored it. However, it would be nothing to me IF he did not buy her words. He's trying to keep NC so he didn't talk to either of us about what actually happened, but every time he saw a "weird" status from her, he assumed that I was the "villain" and passive-aggressively posted some hateful statuses on his FB directed at me. And every time he fought with me, she posted some statuses on her wall announcing her "victory" (lol?). I know he's still holding some grudge from our earlier arguments, but once he went too far when he intentionally broke NC with me just to mess with me, IN RESPONSE to some of her "blank" statuses again. At that point, I was pretty mad and sent him a long message telling him how he could have done such things without ever figuring out the situation first! He responded to me saying that I was reading too much into "these innocuous things" (because her statuses were never straightforward or direct, so it's easy to just brush them off as "innocent sayings"), and he said that "if she messed with you, then I played no part in it". I don't know what he's thinking deep inside, though, whether he believes me or not, but it seems that he's stopped posting insinuating things since he received my msg. That was a few days ago. If that girl hated me that much, she could have unfriended me - which she didn't do. I've unfriended her to avoid her using me for drama again. But even after I've unfriended her, she still played her game because it worked! She still put up "blank" statuses and made him think [so and so about me] again. So I'm wondering... should I have a word with this girl now, to tell her that I know how she was playing on me, and that she should stop ever doing that again? I'm also thinking of forwarding this msg. to him if I choose to send it. She may, she may not stop, but my msg. will at least show that I'm not making things up. Should I be advised to go ahead? Link to comment
Clio Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Nope! You need to ignore both of them. You ARE reading to much into whatever she is saying. And in any case, you cannot change people. What you CAN do is stop feeding all this boring drama by not responding to it. Once you stop catching the ball they will stop throwing it if all this is not in your imagination to begin with. Other people couldn't care less for any of this so there is no point feeling threatened anyway. Link to comment
Sweet Entropy Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 I'm sure I'm not "reading too much" into this at all... At first I didn't catch it, but it has become a pattern (she called --> he responded) that couldn't be ignored... This kind of subtle, sensitive communication has been the way the 3 of us communicate while in NC, though I'm more of the straightfoward one than the others. Even when I didn't talk, she reacted to things I put on MY own FB, too, such as, simply a cover picture that I shared with him a long time ago. And the way she 'reacted' was like, 'nooooo, don't be with her. Be with me.' Ridiculous. Link to comment
Celadon Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Other people couldn't care less for any of this so there is no point feeling threatened anyway. ^ This. People who try to be "better than" other people aren't worth the time of day, especially if they're lying about you. That's their own trip. ALthough it's hard to get untangled from the drama other people are creating, your energy and your time are worth more than that. Spend time on people and things you enjoy, rather than getting sucked into communications with someone who wants to put you down. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Too much drama here. Take yourself out of it and don't respond to either of them. It seems kind of odd to me that you really like him as more than just a friend and yet you don't want a relationship with him..yet this other female sees you as a serious rival. I think there is something more to this. Link to comment
Sweet Entropy Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 Yes, too much drama that goes on for almost a year... I do not want a RL because all 3 of us only know each other online. For me to want a romantic RL, we must meet each other IRL first... And I'm so not ready for a RL because I'm still school-oriented. She did/does want a RL; she came to his country to visit him but he's not interested in meeting with her (basically he stood her up), although (I can tell) he had some feelings for her at some point. He is a very romantic 20-year-old. About why she's taken me so seriously, even I was surprised. She might have convinced herself that he broke up with her because he couldn't choose between me and her... (1) He's kept NC, and (2) she didn't believe a word from me, and (3) she knows he's still reading her and my FB, so she's in an imaginary competition with an imaginary rival... but that's not the truth at all. She definitely believed she could get back with him if she could "eliminate" me (as proven by the fact that when he wrote some implicit quotes about "trying again despite difficulties" on his FB, she responded enthusiastically to them... only to find out a few days later that those quotes were just... quotes, or he might have even put them up to "test" both my and her reactions)... It might be pride and/or a sense of personal satisfaction to have the feeling that you've "won"... She's a prideful being, e.g., when he unfriended her, she immediately pretended she had forgotten his name and pretended to have a real BF... Link to comment
Celadon Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 She's a prideful being, e.g., when he unfriended her, she immediately pretended she had forgotten his name and pretended to have a real BF... That's pretty sad. Link to comment
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