Need to make contact with ex to sell the house

[heythereinsd]

Posting in this forum because of course as I have said before, I still had hope he would come back. You can read my previous posts but here are the tidbits.

 

We were together for almost 8 years

Lived together for over 6 years

Bought a condo then built a house a little over a year ago

He left me 6 months ago

He met someone 2 months ago and is already "FB official"

We remained nice to each other and said we didn't want to be enemies

Asked me to pet sit while he went out of town with new GF, I declined and he hasn't spoken to me since

Didn't wish me Happy birthday, T-day, Christmas or New Years

 

Now, it's January and he made it clear to me that on Jan 2nd he wanted to put the house on the market. I expected him to call me yesterday to start the process. He hasn't and I was thinking of sending him this email.

 

"As I have said before, I am not angry that you left. I am hurt that you decided to never came back .. and since you're never coming back and you replaced me within 4 short months, that means you never really loved me.

 

I am angry because you never should have built this house with me, all while knowing in the back of your mind it was just going to be sold. I am angry because all this time I really loved you.

 

Let's get this over with.

 

Here is the information for an agent . ______________"

 

I am sure he is expecting that I will wait for him to contact because he knows I don't want to sell.Since he is gone, I am the one that will have to deal with the interested buyers coming to see the house

 

What do you think? Bad, ok or don't send and let him contact me?

 

This is so frustrating and I am so heart broken I am mad he wasted my 30's, I'm in my early 40's now and he is in his early 30's with lots of time left.. Grrrrr

[PaintWithLight]

No no no and 1,000 times no. Delete 99% of that message. Keep only the important part.

 

"I am ready to start the process of putting our house on the market. Here is the agent's contact information." END.

 

You have to keep your heartbreak out of this discussion. Is it possible for you to "buy him out"? Get the property appraised and see what the equity is. If you can afford it, you can pay him "his share" and not have to move. But poisoning the ground with a toxic email will only reinforce his opinion that you are crazy and cannot reach a compromise.

[iamkaylee]

Agreed. Just email him the agent info and leave the rest out. You want to sell the house, not get into a sniping match over he did/she did.

[heythereinsd]

actually I don't want to sell the house, our mortgage is cheaper than rent here. He made me promise to put it on the market come January. Of course I hoped he would change his mind by this time..

 

Unfortunately there is no way for me to save it on my own and he wouldn't let me get a roommate. If I had, I would have had enough months with a roommate to count that towards income and may have been able to save the house myself.

[iamkaylee]

If your name is on the house too I don't see why you can't get a roommate. "Let" has nothing to do with it in that case.

[heythereinsd]

oh no, he is calling now (seems every time I post here, he calls)

 

Didn't answer, he wants me to call him back.

[FrenchFries]

That email sounds really bitter. Just stick to house business and leave the relationship talk alone.

 

Edit - Why didn't you answer???

[heythereinsd]

Heading out the door for work and now all messed up. It's hard to leave the relationship out of it when I want to work things out Wow, I really didn't think it sounded bitter Hurt but not bitter

Chat later gotta run

[FrenchFries]

I understand what you are saying regarding wanting to work things out, but if he doesn't, then what can you do? I think you said in one of your previous posts that your short temper was one of the things that drove him away. Are you working on that? I think you should just be cordial, keep it strictly business (because apparently he doesn't want to talk about the relationship) unless he brings it up. Any reaction remotely similar to anger will justify (in his mind) that it was the right decision to leave and make the new lady look even better.

 

I don't know what may happen in the future, but for now it seems he has moved on. For your own sake, I think you should focus on healing and let the cards fall where they may in the future, but don't sit around stewing over this. There is a time for that, but you have to get up and dust yourself off or you will never enjoy life again. Seven years is a long time so it'll take some time to get over it, but you've got to accept this for what it is right now and get going so you can enjoy your life.

[heythereinsd]

There were several factors on both sides. We had the fundamentals of a good relationship or we wouldn't have lasted and accomplished so much together but definitely needed to learn to communicate better. The house was the final bust, all work no play.... And he left at the very end of it.. We were ALMOST done getting it fully complete just the way we wanted it.

 

But you are right, bringing in drama isn't going to help (may make me feel better in the moment-then to regret it later). He doesn't realize how much I am hurting or have been going through the last 6 months (he has had two 7+ year relationships since high school and left us both) He has yet to acknowledged or say sorry for his wrong doings. When I sent my apology letter he said, " Thank you for your kind words. I am sure I made mistakes too" Blah!!!

 

Now I have to be the one to deal with all the Realtors, buyers etc. Each time, my heart will be ripped out all over again. All my blood, sweat and tears built this house. Even though, at the same time I would gladly give it all up just to be with him. As stupid as it sounds because I know what you all are thinking lol.... "Why do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?" All I can say is 8 years of loving him! It blows my mind that it was so easy for him to walk away. Instead I am losing it all, my house, my love, my best friend and my puppy.

 

Sorry crying and typing don't mix.. hehe Just rambling at this point.

[SpottiOtti]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. That sucks.

 

I think you should talk to a property lawyer and see what your rights are here. If you own half of it, surely you don't have to do exactly what he says with it.

[heythereinsd]

It's too late now. I should have not cared if he didn't want me to get a roommate when he first left but I didn't want to rock the boat because I wanted him back. Now, I have no chance (probably didn't anyway) because I needed that 6 months rental income from roommate to count as income and lower my portion of mortgage for the new loan . But now, it's selling time and unless I agree he can force me to sell then I would have to pay all the court fees as well. The only choice I have is to let it go and not look back at him or it Gosh, I would rather get stabbed in the heart at this point.. Oh wait, I already was

[SpottiOtti]

Ach. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. All the advice coming to mind sounds trite and unrespectful of the individuality of your situation. Like I want to say, "Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and do what you gotta do", and "Live and learn". But.

 

I'm sorry.

[PaintWithLight]

This is a good wake up call for you. Deferring to your dream of getting him back, cost you the chance for a roommate which in turn cost you a chance at saving your investment in the house. The longer you continue to feed the dream that he will return, the more it will delay your healing. I know this is a painful stage but to remain in limbo like this is the most damaging.

 

Only when you say, enough, can you begin rebuilding your future. Until then, pain and regret will gladly waste your time and energy. Do something GREAT for yourself this weekend and get some positive momentum. It is a new year full of promise!