Almost a year now...

[people500]

Hey guys,

So I met this guy who got hired for seasonal work last year at the store I work at. I'm not going to go into much detail about it. I really liked him a lot. He was extremely attractive and was really nice, and had a down to earth personality. I trained him a little, and then we would talk a little at work. Then after he left the job I contacted him on Facebook and we ended up hanging out two times. Things happened and then we stopped talking, and that was around March of last year, and the last time we hung out was last February.

 

It was hard on me when our friendship ended. I'm very pick and choosy on who I'm friends with, and he had a lot of qualities that I like in my friends. I admit I had feelings for him, and I was pretty sure he was straight, so I was totally fine with us just being friends. I have definitely changed and have grown a lot from it, and other similar experiences. The sad part is that I still think about him a lot, and it's been almost 11 months since I saw him last. I haven't met anyone new since then that I have felt even come close to what I saw in him. I have made new friends, but none of them have the friendship connection that him and I had. It was kind of like we were brothers in a way. I wish there was a way we could reconnect, but I know that it's probably best that I let it go. I just feel like I'm not going to get over him completely until I fall for someone else, and who knows how long that will be. Has anyone else gone through this sort of thing? Thanks~

[lukeb]

This happens a lot with gay guys, you actually weren't friends at all, friends aren't attracted to one another, it is something else but it isn't friendship. I find it too bad that you are letting this affect your real friendships that just because you don't want to sleep with them or don't feel any sexual attraction that you are not somehow interested in them. The friends you have those are the real friendship connections, what you had with this other guy wasn't a friendship connection at all, you wanted to hang with him because you were attracted to him. Yes this has happened to me as well in my younger years, the "friend" moved away and I basically gradually got over him.

[people500]

Hey Lukeb, I see where you're coming from, but that wasn't the case at all. Yeah I was attracted to him, but that's not why I wanted to hang out with him. Personality, and a good heart are number one in my book. Trust me, most of my friends are far from supermodels, but I love them for the amazing people they are. Looks shouldn't matter at all to anyone, it's what's inside that counts. The guy and I were friends at the time. He always told me, and messaged me that he had fun after would hang out. He's the one who suggested that we "should hangout again soon" after we went to the movies the evening before. I specifically told him, when I contacted him after he left the job, that it was totally up to him if he want to stay friends and hangout, and he was up for it.

 

I love my friends that I have now. What I meant was that I don't feel that brother type connection with some of the them. I have a brother myself, and he reminded me a lot of him, and we got alone in the same sort of way. Plus him and I had a lot more in common. Like I said before it has nothing to do with attractiveness. Trust me, there have been some very attractive guys that I have met, and who liked me, but I decided not to be friends with them because of their personality and lifestyles. I may be young, but I'm very mature for my age. Just ask anyone who knows me.

[lukeb]

I didn't say it was attractiveness that had anything to do with it, just the fact that you were attracted to him. Two reasons why I wrote the things I wrote one it is just a very common thing among younger gay men especially to only be interested in friendship if they feel a sexual attraction. The other reason is that it sounds very much like this is the case with you. I don't know you, I may very well be wrong. I am just putting out there that many don't allow themselves the companionship that friends bring, and then complain about being lonely and not having a bf. Personally I wouldn't want a bf who didn't have any friends or social life for that reason. I wouldn't want to be that everything and ultimately it is a recipe for failure in a relationship. Just my two cents.