Losing my virginity

[Zaira]

A few days ago, I lost my virginity so someone I hardly knew. Growing up I was quite sensible and believed in sex after marriage. (That's how my culture is). I waited, I did not have sex with someone I loved for five years. I kept on saying no and eventually we broke up.

I lost my virginity at the age of 25 to a 29 year old man. He has no feelings for me. He didn't even call me later and ask how I was doing.

I am confused about something, why do I feel like I was used and discarded. Why do I have feelings for him. I know he doesn't deserve me, but I still want him to at least try to have a normal relationship with me. I know that is naive and I should move on. Why do I feel as if I'm in love with him?

Do you think it was okay for him to move on and not care about my feelings. Perhaps, that's how life is.

Please advice.

[pl3asehelp]

I think this is really sad. I think you were used, but you allowed it to happen. Life is not always like this. If you have higher standards for yourself, you do not need to get involved with people who behave like this.

[camus154]

You're not telling us why you chose to lose your virginity to a man you "hardly knew". That's the bigger issue in this, I think.

 

Regardless, I would consider this a lesson--you're superimposing your own values regarding sex onto this guy and then attempting to judge his actions or feelings based on that. There is no real "right" or "wrong" here, just choices.

[pippy longstocking]

As it was your choice to lose your virginity , it is now your choice how you handle the

fall out .

 

Avoid doing "his thinking for him" , because the problem with trying to work out why

someone has done this and that is that we waste so much of our own energy usually coming

up with the wrong answers .

 

Don't make this into a life changing big deal ok , we all view losing our virginty differently , to me it is no biggy , to some it is a huge event , but its done now and you can't undo anything so just learn from any horrible feelings you have and use them to make the right choices for yourself next time .

[Zaira]

I'm not sure myself how I just feel so ashamed of myself. I just gave it away freely. It is true I was in a really bad place before I lost it. May be it has to do with my age. I am still trying to figure that out and you're absolutely right camus154, I'm not a victim I brought this upon myself.

[pippy longstocking]

I'm not sure myself how I just feel so ashamed of myself. I just gave it away freely. It is true I was in a really bad place before I lost it. May be it has to do with my age. I am still trying to figure that out and you're absolutely right camus154, I'm not a victim I brought this upon myself.

 

 

hey now dont feel ashamed ...dont blow this up

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

you had sex.. that's it... thats all it was... don't attach all these meanings to what happened.. it was just sex..

 

you you made a poor choice as to who to have sex with .. (we've all been there lol) ... NOW you know.. NOW you won't make the same mistake.

 

in my eyes you are still a virgin because you haven't truly had sex until its with someone who cares for you and vice versa.

 

It's ok.. it really is!

[pl3asehelp]

you had sex.. that's it... thats all it was... don't attach all these meanings to what happened.. it was just sex..

 

you you made a poor choice as to who to have sex with .. (we've all been there lol) ... NOW you know.. NOW you won't make the same mistake.

 

in my eyes you are still a virgin because you haven't truly had sex until its with someone who cares for you and vice versa.

 

It's ok.. it really is!

 

You can attach any meaning you like to sex. That's a personal decision. I think it would be very sad to think of sex as just sex and nothing more. You made a mistake, you regret it, you just have to move on. But you don't need to view sex as just sex in order to do this. You can value it as something more special than that.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

in this case.. it was just sex.. no meaning.. he didn't even call her. it has NO meaning whatsoever.

 

So why cause yourself so much angst.. when in reality .. it had no meaning... IF you had read the rest of what i said.. i said that in MY eyes.. sex isn't sex until you have had it with someone you care about and cares about you.

 

is that ok with you?

[pl3asehelp]

in this case.. it was just sex.. no meaning.. he didn't even call her. it has NO meaning whatsoever.

 

So why cause yourself so much angst.. when in reality .. it had no meaning... IF you had read the rest of what i said.. i said that in MY eyes.. sex isn't sex until you have had it with someone you care about and cares about you.

 

is that ok with you?

 

I read everything you said and that didn't change the fact that I disagree any sex is ever just sex and I hope OP doesn't let this bad experience lead her to believe that. Before she had sex, it was something special to her and it could continue to be if she decides it is.

 

Whatever you think is ok with me, doesn't mean I'll agree with it though. You don't need to ask for my approval to voice your opinion just like I wouldn't ask for yours.