RGS Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 i do still have feelings for my ex but it's frustrating because i know we could never have a relationship again so far down the line so i wish i could shake it. I dont know if i miss him just because he hasnt followed up on our coffee date or what.. Actually I DO know why i miss him, because we were a pretty perfect fit that's why and the idiot went and ruined it. I'm still desperately hoping i hear from him Anyway update on the new guy, he texted yesterday and apologised for the late response but he's had a manic week. Sounds like he's still up for tomorrow which is good news!! Re: suitability, well.... he comes from a ridiculously posh family which would make me feel completely inadequate the whole time, not the basis for a good relationship. Plus i can't really relate to that sort of background it's all the "oh rupert, penelope dear ra ra ra type stuff" and my family would probably hate him. It's a shame as we definitly had clickage. Maybe i'm not ready or maybe im just doing what i always do which is being a dab hand at putting excuses in the way.. ha hum... x Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 You have to see the glaring fact, here: You and he were NOT a pretty perfect fit and that's why he dared ruin it. Were it just a difference of OPINION rather than a clash of intrinsic perceptions and attitudes, you and he would have reunited by now because the very negative feelings as cause the parting are temporary hence the need to stay parted also dissolves (whereupon the pair of you along with the argument feel silly and churlish). You cannot separate the person from their learned behaviours like they're lego pieces, meaning until he elects to change any of them, he and his habitual behaviour as chain-reacted with you and your habitual behaviour, make for a relationship that cannot succeed unless something proves the catalyst to said change(s). This is why you stand more of a chance the greater the period of separation. The pain of separation itself becomes the huge incentive, where a lack of any other motivator pre-existed or was great enough that it could be felt/registered, and, DUE to the new alchemy of mutual new behaviours, motivation on that more commonplace/personal and easily-felt level gets newly created which from then on poses as a deterrent to separating ever again. You have to listen to your feet, they are, under all the conscious wishful thinking, the authority on you and what's best for you. They forced you say "back-back!!!" right after conscious you had said "cor, yes, please!". They think you're not ready, not suitably recovered since your bucking where getting back onto a new horse's back is concerned. And with this being your most 'palpable' state of mind, it'll be the foremost facet of your 'diamond self' that is presented for co-recognition and -identification... it'll be a case of Not Quite Ready attracts the eye of Not Quite Ready... which we see in motion through the fact thaaaaaat..... ...matey is making excuses (that he had a manic week). When you're keen AND ready to go, nothing short of a ruddy hurricane and earthquake will stop you. And because you want it enough without any mental conflicts to dampen that desire, you fear not getting it. This expresses via the man keeping you hope-filled and enthusiastic in the period leading up to the date... not daring to risk you going off the boil whereby you might go off the idea through forgetting what it was that had you so keen in the first place, or get lured away by A N Other hunk in the meantime. But, hey... Maybe he'll suddenly, magically feel MORE ready once you two have experienced a really positive and rewarding time together whereby he from then on ensures to protect his new and alluring 'property'? That's usually how it happens. Don't waste time worrying about him having more status and wealth than you. Men like it like that (which is why it wasn't Prince and equal Princess but Princess down on her luck and with a loss of status (Cinderella)). Helps them to feel as manly-superior as society ingrains into them they should (yawn). And it's one of the most conventional and achieveable ways they use to all-importantly impress you (because it impresses *them* in other men). You don't know - his family may be Okay Ya pretenders (nouveau riche) and you're actually the 'home' to his inner 'pigeon', meaning he's REJECTING the women in his adopted world. Certainly looks that way, doesn't it, because no-one's going to convince me that there aren't any fish in his own circle or that he'd got through them all already... Albeit, granted, that doesn't exclude the possibility that he's still in rebelling-against-the-parents mode and you're the perfect tool for the job. (How old are you both?) By the way - I'm rah-rah-rah myself, air, YEEARZ, dwahling, mwah-mwah (don't let the deliberate mockney fool you). ;-) I'm an actual Lady, "doncha know". Yet you and I click, don't we? How scary am *I*? So shut yer bleedin cake-'ole, awwwight? ;-p Yes, you are putting excuses in the way. Just like your Like is (it wasn't that I'm unsure about proceeding, it's just that, gosh, mad busy, phew!). See what happens on the date. xoxo Oh, wait! You've had the date already, haven't you! So how did it go??? Link to comment
RGS Posted February 23, 2013 Author Share Posted February 23, 2013 It is very painful not being in touch with ex i always wonder that he's ok, what he's doing and if he ever thinks of me. We have never had a cross word between us so i hope he does think of me fondly. " it'll be a case of Not Quite Ready attracts the eye of Not Quite Ready... which we see in motion through the fact thaaaaaat..... ...matey is making excuses (that he had a manic week). When you're keen AND ready to go, nothing short of a ruddy hurricane and earthquake will stop you. And because you want it enough without any mental conflicts to dampen that desire, you fear not getting it. This expresses via the man keeping you hope-filled and enthusiastic in the period leading up to the date... not daring to risk you going off the boil whereby you might go off the idea through forgetting what it was that had you so keen in the first place, or get lured away by A N Other hunk in the meantime." I think you might be right here Natters... it'll become clear when i explain about my most recent date... "Don't waste time worrying about him having more status and wealth than you. Men like it like that" I'm not sure this is entirely true but it's good of you to provide another view on it. One of my exes had some very posh lawyer friends and i always remember him not invitiing me to some drinks in Park Lane even though all his other friends and their other halfs were going... i'm pretty sure it's because i wasnt a good enough status symbol and i think that rings true for many. "You don't know - his family may be Okay Ya pretenders (nouveau riche) and you're actually the 'home' to his inner 'pigeon', meaning he's REJECTING the women in his adopted world. Certainly looks that way, doesn't it, because no-one's going to convince me that there aren't any fish in his own circle or that he'd got through them all already... Albeit, granted, that doesn't exclude the possibility that he's still in rebelling-against-the-parents mode and you're the perfect tool for the job. (How old are you both?)" No they're definitly not nouveau posh, theyre the type of family who are only one step down from Lords and Ladies and all the children go to private boarding schools etc etc. He may well be rebelling but it's a bit of an odd rebel. From facebook stalking his ex (i know i know!) she looks like amodel like and is from a similar background to him so quite the opposite to stumpy legs me. I am 29 (nearly 30 eek!) he is 35. "By the way - I'm rah-rah-rah myself, air, YEEARZ, dwahling, mwah-mwah (don't let the deliberate mockney fool you). I'm an actual Lady, "doncha know". Yet you and I click, don't we? How scary am *I*?" Haha now you have confused me Natters.. now i can't work out if youre being ironic or serious. "Oh, wait! You've had the date already, haven't you! So how did it go??? " So now to the date/non-date as i'm still not sure we are dating.... Well we had another lovley evening and got on like a house on fire but nothing happened and neither of us brought anything dating up so i am still CONFUSED as to whether we are dating or not. He is on a dating website which i see he has still been logging into. He invited me to go wakeboarding tomorrow and then dinner at his, i have politely declined the wakeboarding due to it being well.. blummin freezing basically! However i said i would go round for dinner. He's now gone quiet for a couple of days despite me texting him to tell him about a new wetsuit i am buying. So I am at an utter loss about the situation. I'm also terrified i'm going to wound up getting hurt... Hope all is well with you and you are having a lovely weekend on your country estate I'm holed up in bed with a cold/flu type thing, feeling very sorry for myself.. cough cough splutter splutter. I may well have to cancel dinner tomorrow night at this rate. Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Tsk to me - didn't realise you'd replied. Have now subscribed to this thread. (Sorry about that.) Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 It is very painful not being in touch with ex i always wonder that he's ok, what he's doing and if he ever thinks of me. We have never had a cross word between us so i hope he does think of me fondly. Well, if there's no reason why he would, then, er... why would he?? " it'll be a case of Not Quite Ready attracts the eye of Not Quite Ready... which we see in motion through the fact thaaaaaat..... ...matey is making excuses (that he had a manic week). When you're keen AND ready to go, nothing short of a ruddy hurricane and earthquake will stop you. And because you want it enough without any mental conflicts to dampen that desire, you fear not getting it. This expresses via the man keeping you hope-filled and enthusiastic in the period leading up to the date... not daring to risk you going off the boil whereby you might go off the idea through forgetting what it was that had you so keen in the first place, or get lured away by A N Other hunk in the meantime." I think you might be right here Natters... it'll become clear when i explain about my most recent date... Okay... "Don't waste time worrying about him having more status and wealth than you. Men like it like that" I'm not sure this is entirely true but it's good of you to provide another view on it. No, it is true. Maybe not culturally but culture doesn't trump basic psychological make-up and nor has it ever. EVER. So underneath any instances of younger blokes THINKING they should like it this/that way, is the truer setting. (For example, the so-called preference for skinny, hipless women: did you know that what turns men on most about women is actually the facia (front-on) silhuouette as well as the front-on movement when a woman walks due to the differences caused by her pelvic arrangement?) Once they begin to care less what others think of them all the time, they yield to that base programme. That's presuming a still young-ish guy is even that degree of influenceable by pack preference in the first place, of course. Many aren't. So all you need to know is the base programme demands that the MAN take the provider/wealthier position. One of my exes had some very posh lawyer friends and i always remember him not invitiing me to some drinks in Park Lane even though all his other friends and their other halfs were going... i'm pretty sure it's because i wasnt a good enough status symbol and i think that rings true for many. Then he must have been quite young actually or mentally, that's all I can say. "You don't know - his family may be Okay Ya pretenders (nouveau riche) and you're actually the 'home' to his inner 'pigeon', meaning he's REJECTING the women in his adopted world. Certainly looks that way, doesn't it, because no-one's going to convince me that there aren't any fish in his own circle or that he'd got through them all already... Albeit, granted, that doesn't exclude the possibility that he's still in rebelling-against-the-parents mode and you're the perfect tool for the job. (How old are you both?)" No they're definitly not nouveau posh, theyre the type of family who are only one step down from Lords and Ladies and all the children go to private boarding schools etc etc. He may well be rebelling but it's a bit of an odd rebel. From facebook stalking his ex (i know i know!) she looks like amodel like and is from a similar background to him so quite the opposite to stumpy legs me. I am 29 (nearly 30 eek!) he is 35. Then he's obviously simply yielding or already yielded. Class is yet another mere cultural influence, you see. "By the way - I'm rah-rah-rah myself, air, YEEARZ, dwahling, mwah-mwah (don't let the deliberate mockney fool you). I'm an actual Lady, "doncha know". Yet you and I click, don't we? How scary am *I*?" Haha now you have confused me Natters.. now i can't work out if youre being ironic or serious. Nope - I swear on Joe's life it's 100% true. "Oh, wait! You've had the date already, haven't you! So how did it go??? " So now to the date/non-date as i'm still not sure we are dating.... Well we had another lovley evening and got on like a house on fire but nothing happened and neither of us brought anything dating up so i am still CONFUSED as to whether we are dating or not. He is on a dating website which i see he has still been logging into. You're a woman, he's a man, he hasn't specifically made mention of you and he being "just good friends", plus he's IN dating mode, ergo (2+2=4)... yep, you're dating. He invited me to go wakeboarding tomorrow and then dinner at his, i have politely declined the wakeboarding due to it being well.. blummin freezing basically! Yeah - do WHAT?! What is he - part man, part blubber whale? Note: Dinner. He could have JUST asked for the daytime (as would then give you reasonable grounds for suspecting, just friends). Note: Wanted to spend almost the whole day with you. However i said i would go round for dinner. He's now gone quiet for a couple of days despite me texting him to tell him about a new wetsuit i am buying. So I am at an utter loss about the situation. I'm also terrified i'm going to wound up getting hurt... It depends on the interim period between the asking and the event, whether or not a man feels confirming the date is prudent or not. But as you've seen him active on a dating site, I imagine he's too attention-diverted and supplies-rich to worry that you'd go off the idea of get lured away by another man in the meantime. He (like attracts like) is probably terrified, too... hence wanting lots of eggs in his basket (to safeguard against feeling loss and disappointment too keenly if ever any woman turns him down or rejects him). Whether or not he's GOT lots of eggs is a different matter. He may not. He may just be busy TRYING. Or he may be deliberately trying NOT to confirm for fear of coming accross "too keen" (idiots). Time will tell... Hope all is well with you and you are having a lovely weekend on your country estate I dunne live on a country estate, albeit the house and "grinds" were, I confess, huge pre-divorce. I'd rather live in a modest house that Davi, Joe and I aren't rattling around in, and keep/use my dosh for more important things. I'm too pragmatic to be flash or place any great importance on money beyond a just-comfortable level. Plus, I'm anal ...can't STAND mess and dirt in my home!... if you can't roll around on the floors and carpets without worrying, it's not clean *enough*... plus I do do a lot of rolling around on the floor, as you've probably gathered ;-)....so even though the former "hises" were vast, I always found cleaners couldn't match my standards and would end up doing the entire thing myself ...bloody KNACKERING, it was! Plus we were constantly getting burgled (see Sarah's thread about how we were burgled in that house twice within 8 mths). So there's another good reason not to advertise ones wealth like some ruddy materialistic show-off. Can't say the same for the wasband, though. You'd think he hasn't a clue who he is unless everyone communicates it to him on seeing all his 'badges' ("Loooads-a-mon-iiiiyyyyyyy!") (- name the comedien!). I'm holed up in bed with a cold/flu type thing, feeling very sorry for myself.. cough cough splutter splutter. I may well have to cancel dinner tomorrow night at this rate. Poor you. How are you now? Did you cancel? xoxo Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 Crikey, are you still ill? Or did you assume I'd abandoned thread and give up looking? xoxo Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted March 3, 2013 Share Posted March 3, 2013 ...which, if you did, is a really stupid question, LOL! Kkkkkkkkkkkkk..... 10-4 for a copy, good buddy.... are you reading me?..... xoxo Link to comment
Nattersmatter Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 (FYI any readers: Thread closed - it's gone to PM - it's good news re new chap but requires privacy 'just in case' he might get to read her 'diary') Link to comment
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