Feeling Bottled Up Inside, Wife's Changing Moods!

[MrAdversity]

If you know my posts than you know we've been married a short while, lived together for 3 yrs prior as our background - she also didnt have the best upbringing which plays a role in her not really knowing how to love (something i understand, but she does try in her own ways) -

 

Got married recently, all was well, than a major blow out about me being somewhat controlling, and clingy, (about her going out with friends, and trust) and hence us starting the growing phase rapidly in our marriage, - the worse was diverted with some good old fashion communication but it wasn't easy and the first thing i noticed with myself working alot lately is the texts started to cease, no more miss you's or i love you's, few and far between - even now after some a really good period i dont know the last time she texted me i love you, yes a few miss you's and some pictures for fun ...

 

Fast fwd, for the next 4 weeks things were great, i was acting less needy (and actually the complete opposite of what i am) which in turn was drawing her closer to me and she was feeling great about us, opening up more about things, smiling more, and we even started having relations alot more than previous - than a small yet insignificant UTI struck her and she has thus reverted back to being drawn away from me, somewhat standoff-ish and less in a sense close to me, for example, sitting on one end of the couch on the phone for an hour or so totally ignoring me, leaving for work and not looking for the kiss goodbye, attitidish comments when i questioned why she was acting funny, like stop analyzing me things like that..yes there are some normal things there like, texting me to say sorry i have been acting strange, dont feel well, but am i crazy to think something doesn't feel right, I mean we used to be very close, even in those 4 weeks she would roll over in bed and look for me, or kiss me for no reason, the past couple of days have been strange, she claims this morning she feels off, and how would i like to feel bad down there, but is that really making her pull away from me? Sometimes i wonder if her not feeling good about herself results in her not wanting to be anywhere near me, does that happen? I dont want to think bad things, i dont want to wonder either about outside things either - but this happens at times, a good stretch and than a down period but i dont remember it being this off,

 

I kinda am feeling bottled up inside because my instincts are going crazy with thoughts, i dont really remember her being so drawn away from me when we lived together or getting married, the blow out was serious but made us stronger for a time, now this, am i being to needy again or is there something else there? I know you can't expect a person to act a certain way all the time, and maybe im over thinking all this, but i just cant shake this weird feeling, when i try to talk to her about it she doesn't really own up to any of it, i think she is mad for getting the infection,

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

You, my friend, are too focused on her every little move... "she sat 7 inches further away from me on the couch on Sunday then she did on Tuesday, something is up!". lol

 

I know you didn't say that .. but that's what i heard.

 

A clingy partner is not only unattractive but it puts a lot pressure on a person because when a person takes every little thing as a sign.. either negative or positive... i dont know how to explain how it feels..but it feels like a lot of pressure that YOUR every little move can determine the happiness of someone you care about and don't want to hurt.

 

i have had UTI's and let me tell you .. i dont want to be TOUCHED.. they are painful.. they hurt, they are uncomfortable.. they make me grouchy and sensitive.. they are the worst.

 

I have not read any of your previous post so i don't know the background..but from what i'm reading here.. you are very clingy.. and you have to find your own balance.. and that balance can't be determined by her scale.. make sense? YOU have to be happy and content in your own skin.. .. even when she isn't (or any partner).

 

you feel bottled up because you are SO aware of every little thing... "she text 4 i love you's on monday ..but only 2 on Tuesday.. and 4 on Wednesday.. what does that mean???" lol

 

RELAX!!! you are making yourself crazy!!

[av12]

I'd have to agree with Healling; an analytical self-dissection of your relationship is not always healthy. And it doesn't seem to be providing you with any answers.

 

This is a simple truth: if the most loving individuals need space and value alone time. This is normal and even healthy.

 

If you haven't already, take a deep breath and tell her where you're at, but without all the overly analytical bullcrap. No calling her out on her texting frequency or couch spacing. Tell her you're getting weird vibes and that you'd wish she'd be up front with you, but that you're going to give her some breathing room. Encourage to go out with a few girlfriends to blow off some steam. Do the same for yourself. Bring it back up in a nonconfrontational way if it doesn't let up, but back off on calling her out on all the trivial stuff. Just let her know you're worried and you love her. Ask her what she needs and vice versa and try to travel that middle road.

 

Good luck.

[MrAdversity]

You guys are absolutely right, and I appreciate the comments, Its something i still take with me through all the unforgiving experiences i had prior and never having a healthy relationship where someone wasn't always looking for something either her or me and for good reason ...but we have had our share of talks and she wants a healthy relationship too something she has never experienced (trusting her partner, in this case me) ... So we are on the same page just in different ways, i need to trust and know since we are married its ok to grow .. it scares me to death because of everything invested ... but im trying (really) and the more i act like you guys suggest the more she opens up ... but the communication is hard sometimes because going down the question pathway always gets her annoyed, like i dont trust her or she has no privacy (the texts etc ... ) so i walk a fine line, where as she trusts me indefinitely which sometimes i get concerned about because she needs some mystery with me no?

 

Finding that middle road is tough, its like rediscovering a new you and her ...really letting your wall go down and hoping your partner does the same

[av12]

Finding that middle road is tough, its like rediscovering a new you and her ...really letting your wall go down and hoping your partner does the same

 

Maybe the middle road is all the mystery you need?

 

I get it. I go through the same thing at times, but more from your wife's point of view. Knowing that, all I can tell you is that sometimes you can't ask "those questions" the right. It's a conditioned response from prior experiences. Try prefacing them with, "I'm only asking because..." or something. And refrain from asking the unimportant ones so she's not burnt out when you ask the important ones.