camus154 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I try and see it in a different light. Like I said my boyfriend is great friends with my best friends boyfriend. If they broke up, MY LONG TIME FRIEND would be invited to our parties and he would not be. Because I respect her. I was SUCH good friends with my brothers ex girlfriend. We were best buds. When they broke up, I cut her out of my life. It's great if YOU would do this, but what about your boyfriend? Aren't you speaking for him here? Either way, you're still trying to dictate how others should act based upon how you would act. It's not about catering to my needs. It's more of being considerate to my bf. If you remain friends with their ex, you should not invite them to anything where you will be going. This has nothing to do with being considerate towards your boyfriend. Is your boyfriend the one with the problem here? No, you are. Is your boyfriend uncomfortable going to these parties with the ex? No, you are. Again, you keep insisting what other people should or should not do, all according to you and you alone. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 She was friends with her while being pregnant if my math is correct. So it wouldn't be right to cut bond to somebody that is close with child. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 So you are implying that this lady should never, ever invite her GOOD friend over to any gatherings at her house in order to cater to her husband's friend's girlfriend? And that if she does she is being disrespectful? That's a bit irrational IMO. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I can understand your annoyance with the ex being there but it's not your boyfriend inviting her. You also don't have to attend these parties. No one is holding a gun to your head to go. You can't control who other people are friends with so you have to learn to let it go. Be the bigger person and enjoy yourself. Be friendly and let go of your insecurity. Link to comment
CaliforniaGirl2222 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 I am not making a huge deal out of it at all. lol. I expressed my feelings to my boyfriend and he was understanding. I've never really said anything before. Every time he has told me she will be there and asked if I was okay with that. Every time I said sure and sucked it up. Now it is getting to me and I told him. I had an ex that was good friends with his ex girlfriend and I was okay with that since it was from the beginning. Heck I was friends with an ex and my boyfriend demanded me to cut ties with him and I did. This ex of his and him have no friendship, they had a horrible break up, and I think his friend is out of line letting her come to his parties. Link to comment
rask Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 You think this, you think that. It's not what this couple thinks, or the majority of the people here. This really isn't going anywhere but in circles. This really isn't even your battle. It's your boyfriends. If he doesn't feel like he needs to mention it, you don't have any right to. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Unfortunately, what you think about the wife of his friend is doing as inappropriate doesn't matter. She doesn't owe you anything. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I don't get it. According to this post you felt it was okay to text/converse with and occasionally see your ex(es). Now this woman, who isn't in contact with your boyfriend at all, is being invited to parties by your boyfriend's best friend's wife, and has no communication with you otherwise is causing you all this discomfort? It just seems...backwards to me. Anyway, I suppose it's a conversation you need to have with your boyfriend. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Think about that for a second... no reason? Uhm. The WIFE is friends with her. Are you completely forgetting that? Does the wife not have a say so in who gets invited to her childs birthday party? I believe she does. I agree. The wife should certainly be of consequence. It is her house and husband and child. Link to comment
rask Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I agree. The wife should certainly be of consequence. It is her house and husband and child. Yeah, even if the boyfriend says anything to the friend, the wife still has the upper hand in this and can invite the ex regardless of what the boyfriend wants. It just sounds really petty and immature to me, honestly. It's not like the ex is causing them any trouble... she's trying to be friendly and nice, and it's probably at least a little bit uncomfortable to her. She hasn't asked the wife to not invite him, though. This works both ways. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Yeah, even if the boyfriend says anything to the friend, the wife still has the upper hand in this and can invite the ex regardless of what the boyfriend wants. It just sounds really petty and immature to me, honestly. It's not like the ex is causing them any trouble... she's trying to be friendly and nice, and it's probably at least a little bit uncomfortable to her. She hasn't asked the wife to not invite him, though. This works both ways. And someone is going to ditch a friend long before they ditch a spouse. The two men may be friends now but probably not by the end of it. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 An ex I lived with for ~3 years told me when her grandfather passed away about a year after our breakup. I really liked her grandfather. Her then-boyfriend didn't seem to mind when I showed up, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I don't think the boyfriend was there when she asked me to come visit her sick grandmother weeks before she passed. Her grandparents were very very fond of me. Link to comment
rask Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 And someone is going to ditch a friend long before they ditch a spouse. The two men may be friends now but probably not by the end of it. That's why I honestly just can't see this ending in a good way... It'd be best for the OP to just suck it u[ and deal with it if she or her boyfriend really wants to go to these parties. It's a kids birthday party for crying out loud, be an adult. Link to comment
CaliforniaGirl2222 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 I don't get it. According to this post you felt it was okay to text/converse with and occasionally see your ex(es). Now this woman, who isn't in contact with your boyfriend at all, is being invited to parties by your boyfriend's best friend's wife, and has no communication with you otherwise is causing you all this discomfort? It just seems...backwards to me. Anyway, I suppose it's a conversation you need to have with your boyfriend. I just posted that in THIS thread how I was friends with my ex. And my boyfriend didn't like it and i cut ties, & my bf before my current bf was friends with his ex and I did NOT care. I was friends with her too! My current boyfriend is NOT friends with his ex. They had a very bad break up and I just feel like IN MY OPINION that his BEST FRIGGIN friend should not invite her to his house whether his wife is friends with her or not. It's not appropriate. ALL of my boyfriends friends said the same thing. Link to comment
rask Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I just posted that in THIS thread how I was friends with my ex. And my boyfriend didn't like it and i cut ties, & my bf before my current bf was friends with his ex and I did NOT care. I was friends with her too! My current boyfriend is NOT friends with his ex. They had a very bad break up and I just feel like IN MY OPINION that his BEST FRIGGIN friend should not invite her to his house whether his wife is friends with her or not. It's not appropriate. ALL of my boyfriends friends said the same thing. Ugh. The husband isn't inviting her, the wife is. How do you not understand that...? Link to comment
camus154 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Lol. Look, OP, you can keep stamping your foot down barking at the rest of the world and how you think people should handle things, but you're not getting very far, are you? Your opinion doesn't matter in this situation. It's not your house and they're not your parties. When you throw your own party and invite these people over, then you can choose who you won't invite till your heart's content. Until then, not your decision. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 It is still their house and they can still do what they want. Since you do not care about the wife or her opinion and think it is inconsequential why go? Stay home. It would be a frosty Friday in hell the day someone told me who to be friends with and who to invite to my house, especially just the gf of a friend. Link to comment
CaliforniaGirl2222 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 Haha. None of you get the point. I don't care if they are friends. I am not telling anyone who they can and cannot be friends with, nor would I ever. I am not telling them they cannot invite her, again I would never do that. It's her home, and if I don't go I will kindly decline. I am not making a big deal about this at all. My main post is MAINLY how I am uncomfortable with it. Not because I am insecure. Not because I am jealous. I don't want to sit in a small house with someone my boyfriend had a bad break up with to be fake nice to me. Nobody would. ALL I am saying is that his friend of 25 years should not let her come to their parties. in MY...and my bfs friends opinions.(maybe bc they know how bad the break up was) it is not right. If most of you were in my shoes I bet you would feel the same way. Link to comment
camus154 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I am not telling them they cannot invite her, again I would never do that. It's her home, and if I don't go I will kindly decline. ALL I am saying is that his friend of 25 years should not let her come to their parties. in MY...and my bfs friends opinions.(maybe bc they know how bad the break up was) it is not right. Oops...seems like you're contradicting yourself there Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 You ARE telling them who to be friends with and who to invite. I am sorry you can not see it. Just don't go. It is of no consequence anyway because you said you were not going and your bf supported you and is not going. So why the stink? Link to comment
happyfrank Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 We are here to help you laura. Mostly everybody agrees that your wrong on this one. It's birthday for 2 year old. Link to comment
rask Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Nope. I wouldn't. You're saying that the husband should tell his wife she can't do something, because one of HIS friends is uncomfortable with it? That's like asking your boyfriends friend to walk into a cage with a bear. Yeah, they probably should at least consider that it's uncomfortable. It's still however, not your house, not your friend, not your party, not your rules. You've already answered your question. You don't want to sit in the house with the girl. Don't go. This isn't anyones problem but yours (and your boyfriend, although it seems like this revolves more about what YOU think and how YOU feel.) And honestly after reading your last post... honey, you don't really have a leg to stand on. You were friends with ex's and it made your boyfriend uncomfortable and you were incredibly reluctant to cut them out of your life. Why would you ask someone who you aren't even dating or friends with to do that for you? Not gonna happen. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 We are here to help you laura. Mostly everybody agrees that your wrong on this one. It's birthday for 2 year old. I agree. It is about a 2 year old. Don't make his birthday into a stink. Link to comment
CaliforniaGirl2222 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 Oops...seems like you're contradicting yourself there I never said HE CAN'T INVITE HER TO HIS PARTY. I am saying HE SHOULDN'T INVITE HER TO HIS PARTY OUT OF RESPECT OF HIS LONG TERM FRIEND. Where is the contradiction? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Laura, you can not control other adults. He is not going to fight with his wife for you. Link to comment
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