Ex asking for closure in light of my illness

[maggieMAE]

So I'm ready to discuss my illness. During an MRI to check the veins and arteries of my brain the Doctor found hydrocephalus, which is a build up of pressure and fluid in the brain. Makes sense. I've been showing symptoms for 2 years now. But "cancer" and "tumors" were thrown around during the appointment, and now I'm being sent to a Neurosurgeon and a Neurologist to figure out what's causing it and possible treatment.

 

I'm scared. I posted earlier about wanting to break NC. I didn't. I accepted I don't have the support I need from her cuz she isn't my lover anymore. I know I can get through this alone. Well, my ex heard through the grapevine about what's going on with me and contacted me asking for "closure".

 

What the heck?! She left me for someone else.

She texted me, and the short story of what she said was "I was a coward. We never got closure. I'm sorry in general." I decided to break NC and I snapped. I asked her why she was sending "our" songs before, why she did all this when she had a gf, why she thinks closure is something I can give her, and why she thinks it's appropriate to stress me out when I was just diagnosed.

 

She then went on to say she'd always love me, and I said I wish I could tell you gf that. She said "she already knows I do. She asked. You don't know the whole story and I wish we could talk about it. Get it cleared up. You don't understand." I said there was nothing to discuss and I got an accurate picture of what happened. I was left after 3 years together, I was replaced in a month. Anyone in their right mind would be pissed and hurt. I wished her well, and then asked her not to contact me again.

 

Why is she doing this? What could she POSSIBLY need from me? I'm so mad. I don't even care that I broke NC. In the light of my diagnosis, I don't care a bit what I do concerning her. Quite frankly, I wanted to lay the guilt on thick. I know that's childish, but I don't care right now. I'm not interested in relieving her guilt about what she did to me. I hope it eats her alive.

 

It hurts so bad to hear from her. I thought I was in the clear since I changed all of my contact info. I hate this.

[MsHJones]

I am so sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis, I cannot imagine the millions of scary things that must be going through your mind. On top of that having to deal with this must be even more painful. I have a feeling if she moved on so quickly after such a long relationship, that it is just a rebound. And her texting you is caused by the realization that she loves you, but is clearly confused and does not know what she wants. I feel like she is hoping you will get mad and freak on her (for lack of a better word, sorry lol) and that will help her to move on and get her "closure". Otherwise I cant make sense of her actions. If it were me, I probably couldnt hold back from laying the guilt on and letting her know everything she did and is doing wrong, but you sound like a mature and intelligent lady who would benefit more from just simply telling her goodbye. Hope this helps, Im a bit tired so my thoughts might be a bit scattered. And best of luck-especially with your health.

[maggieMAE]

Well, after I wrote this I went out with a mutual friend for a beer. Let's call her Lisa. She knows about my illness and wanted to get me out of the house. We've known each other longer than she's known my ex and she didn't feel guilty for hanging out at all cuz my ex hasn't even tried to hang out with her in months.

 

So we were having a good time. And then my friend got a text from someone else who wanted to come join us and asked if it was cool if she brought a friend. She purposely didn't say it was my ex. They showed up, and Lisa saw how uncomfortable I was so we left once they went inside to meet with friends.

 

Within minutes my ex was texting Lisa, snapping on her for being immature and crappy for leaving and saying really disgusting stuff. Lisa decided to leave it alone, but by the time we got back to her house, my ex was telling her to OD, to go cut herself some more, and physically threatening her. None of this was provoked by any of our doing.

 

After that, the ex started posting all this crap on Lisa's FB wall. All while texting me over and over about loving me and saying I have her whole heart. Lisa called her out on being ridiculous because she has a new gf, why should she care who I hang out with. Especially since me and Lisa have been friends for years prior to her even meeting my ex. She also called her out on only texting Lisa to talk about me, and how she never even asks how Lisa is. No concern except to complain about missing me.

 

A whole slew of drama started, the ex was demanding that I call her so she could tell me the one thing she didn't have the courage to tell me when she left me. I refused, but eventually I decided to let her speak so she'd shut up, so I messaged her online. She kept demanding that I call and saying we needed to be civil. I said I was the only one being civil during this whole thing. I didn't say one bad thing to her at the bar, but I left because I wasn't comfortable. That's it. No dirty looks, no harsh words. She then said "The reason I left you is cuz I wasn't in love with you. Not because of someone else. I wish you'd accept that." That's what she wanted to say but didn't have the courage to. At that point all I said was that actions speak louder than words and I'm not a fool, I knew she wasn't in love with me months prior to us splitting. But then she switched it up and started saying she loved me again and that I have the most important piece of her heart, and that her gf knows it and it's just the truth. She was demanding that we be friends. I blocked her after that, but then she started telling Lisa all of this too, but at the same time telling Lisa off. That's when Lisa snapped and decided to message my ex's new gf, to let her know what my ex was doing and that she was harassing me. During the short convo with my ex, all I said was that I forgave her and it didn't matter anymore, I wish her well with her gf and said that I was really happy deep down that she found love. That I'm not the one that has to accept it cuz I already have. And that I wish she'd just leave me alone and realize that I'm moving on. She then kept saying she loved me and how beautiful I was and how she cried ever since she got home from the bar, up until 6 AM.

 

What is your take on this? Why is she doing this? This is just insane. I'm glad I handled myself well, but why do this?! She was the dumper and found someone a month after we split. What the heck?

 

EDIT: She also said that she looks at our pictures every week and cries. She asked what she should do with the pictures and if I still have mine. She said she can't stop thinking about me and she cries every time she hears our songs on the radio and that's why she kept sending them to me. And that she dreams of me all the time and will wake up thinking it's me next to her, when really it's the new girl.

[maggieMAE]

I just wanted to post my feelings on this. I think she's incredibly selfish to think I'd be willing to be friends after it's only been 3 months. I think it's just so mean. To bombard me with texts and calls and try to force me to be friends with her. And then saying the I love you's, and having to reiterate that she fell out of love with me. That's so hurtful. I don't deserve to have it rubbed in my face.

 

Oh and I also found out that she actually didn't find out about my diagnosis. She said she had been trying to contact me for a month now. And for what? Just to tell me she fell out of love with me. Well duh! I already know that!

 

Is there any insight as to what's going on in her head? Why do people do this crap?

[maggieMAE]

So now mutual friends who aren't too familiar with our situation are contacting me to let me know she still loves me.

 

I'm so sad. I'm keeping NC but I'm hurting so bad on the inside. She's so bad for me, but all of this makes me wish it were true. This crap about my always having her heart just hurts so bad. Lying like that after everything she's done, and not considering how the lie will hurt me. Ugh. I wished and hoped she'd regret what she did, and now that I am hearing from her I wish she'd go back to disappearing.

 

Does no one really have any insight? I need some kind words right now.

[Kaytie]

I think you should focus on YOU and your health and pay little attention to your ex. She is clearly a drama queen and has hurt you deeply by leaving you for someone else. I don't know if she is being genuine with her feelings or if she's trying to guilt trip you. Either way - would you even want to be with her after what she's done?

 

Focus on YOU and your health. That is priority right now.

[MsHJones]

Sorry for not responding, havent been on for a few days, dealing with a crappy ex myself! After reading all that you said of what happened at the bar with you and your friend, your ex sounds very immature and confused. Im guessing she does really love you but when she left you, she thought she didnt and t hat she would be fine. I personally have thought I fell out of love with someone, broke up with them, and then realized when it was too late that I really did love them and want to be with them. However I cant think of anything to explain her extremely hurtful comments she made to your friend and her other odd behavior, unless she thought your friend and you had something going on and she was jealous? She just sounds very irrational and I feel so bad that you have to deal with such a person, especially one you loved/love.

[MsHJones]

Also, sounds like the least you need right now is drama. I would definitely continue NC, and working on your health, yourself, and having fun with friends to stay busy. It may not feel like it but the more time the passes, the easier it gets, I promise!

[maggieMAE]

Thank you.

 

I've had a few days to calm down and I realize now it's not worth it. I'm mad that I was doing so good with moving on until all of this happened. I felt like the wounds were ripped open again. But either way, regardless of what she was feeling, I know there's nothing that can be done. I wouldn't accept her back anyway. I wouldn't be able to handle the thought of what she's done since we split.

 

It sucks soooo bad loving someone so much, and having them reject you, only to come back again with such extreme breadcrumbs and to have to reject them. I would love to accept her back, but I know none of it matters cuz she's obviously still with this other girl, and I also know that after a week or two I'd start thinking of all the crap she's put me through and I'd probably want to breakup. There's no fixing what's been done. Hmpf. All I can do is continue moving forward and hopefully this all won't hurt so much soon enough. I just wish I could have had my lover with me through all of this health crap.