maybe it's not them...it's YOU

[bored]

i been readin bunch of post and i gotta tell u alot of you are NOT in love...ur just over obessed, too focused on the idea of love, afraid of being alone and scared you wont find anyone else.

 

here's a article i read that i think would help those guys who are just over obsessed wid a girl and feelin like [PROFANITY REMOVED BY MODERATOR] cause it dosent seem like she feels the same

 

When you let yourself fall into the "obsession" trap, you begin to analyze everything your dream girl does, every word she says, every move she makes... and try to relate them all to you. She smiled at you - she didn't smile at you. She emailed you - she didn't email you. She returned your call - she didn't return your call. Confusion, frustration, and anxiety result.

 

This obsession with her behaviors and their meanings will paralyze you, confuse you, and suck every ounce of confidence you have from your body. You will become a Blithering Blob of Insecurity. When u dont feel like your gettin the same amount love in return you will get frustrated, resentful, start arguments and kill the relationship.

 

i been through the exact same thing but i dont wanna waste your time on my story

 

couple tips

 

a) dont take your friends for grantd when ur in a relationship, cause they usually dont last

b) if someone ask you what do you love about that person and u cant come up with atleast 5 things ur better off with someone else

c)If ur gf/bf really loves you, they'll be good to you (so stop making excuses for them... you're only making it for yourself)

 

 

thats all for now folks...i think i killed enough time on this post

[GrayBlueEyes]

Wow aren't you harsh? Obviously you've never been in love.

 

I agree people shouldn't (in general) over-obsess and over-analyze a relationship. But sometimes, that's exactly what happens to someone who is in love. Being in love heightens a person's anxiety level to the point where they do very irrational things...over-analyzing being one of those things.

 

Blithering Blob of Insecurity? Where did get that? Cosmopolitan?

 

Thank you for not sharing your story. We're grateful.

 

As for your tips...

 

a) A person should not take their friends for granted no matter what.

 

b) Five things? Hell, most people can't come up with one. Real love is never anything specific, anyway. It's a fondness for who a person is and not what they do specifically.

 

c) Agreed completely. You are right about that, although there is no such thing as perfection.

 

By the way, it's generally bad form to make a forum post using "IM speak" and shortcuts and all lowercase letters. It's also against the rules here. Mmm..k?

[cassiana]

Ah to be 18 again and know it all. I'm not alone, have lots of friends and I am dating someone. Yet I miss my ex terribly.

Hmmmm .

[Mr Mister1]

Hmm according to your profile you're 5... odd.

[sisterlynch]

I have to respond to your post, although I am not sure why, I guess I am obsessed with love, relationships and pain in general.

 

Maybe it isnt us, it is you? Maybe we all know that at 18 you will have a certain level of awareness and a certain amount of experience to go behind it.

 

When we break up with someone or lose something that we value, we are in need of help and feel vulnerable.

 

So just telling someone you are obsessed with your ex isn't going to help them 2 much is it?

 

Although I understand your point, I don't know why you made it...

[JonnyG]

I guess u could say people do over analyze problems in relationships. But its a natural response when u are hurt to find out "What went wrong?" "Why did she/he leave me?". The idea being that u can find a solution to the problem and perhaps get her/him back or at least hope to better yourself in the future and not make the same mistake.

 

Quote:

"c)If ur gf/bf really loves you, they'll be good to you (so stop making excuses for them... you're only making it for yourself)"

 

Thats a good point.

[chanceit]

When you are in Love you should feel relaxed - at ease with yourself and whatever your other does - thats what trust is in a relationship - you trust them to like you. When you lose that trust the relationship is doomed....

 

I would even go to far as to say that LOVE is TRUST in the other person to love you no matter what.

[bored]

By the way, it's generally bad form to make a forum post using "IM speak" and shortcuts and all lowercase letters. It's also against the rules here. Mmm..k?

 

what are u talkin bout?

 

and btw my advice was for people in my age group NOT for someone in their late 30s...datin is quite different when ur old settled and know where you are in life

[dreamweaverdude]

Bored,

 

Regardless of ones age, there are certain things that go beyond the barriers of age.. and insecurities can be on of those things. It is very easy at times to want to over anaylzwe everything. Why didn't she call me back? why did say that? I think we all tend to do that at times... we're taught to analyze situations and make decisions... if we didn't then everyone would say... how did you NOT see that coming? or you should have known better!

 

Heck even at my age I still have insecurities.. am I proud of that? NO not at all, i deal with them good at times and at other times.... I suck at dealing with them...... and there is nothing wrong asking WHy do you love me? done that several times lately. and it's always interesting to hear the words and watch the expressions...... and the answers DO mean something... I agree there is a difference between being obsessed and being in love....... but there are tie syou are in love and obsessesed too. lol been in that boat before as well..... as a matter of fact i can still see mine floating in the harbor....In my opinion when someone is obssess it deals more with that persons insecurities more than anythying else.. theyare looking for reinforcements...