Does anyone else think this?

[eastonweston]

As they say in Swingers: "each day you wake up, and the pain hurts less and less, until one day you wake up and you have no more pain. But then you kind of miss the pain. For the same reason you miss her; you lived with it for so long."

 

Does anyone else ever have a feeling of sometimes being scared of the pain going away because you know that if you're healing and not thinking of the ex or the memories anymore, then surely they have stopped thinking of you a while back? Is it weird to feel that way? Am I alone in this?

 

E.

[0 for 3]

I don't think its weird at all, and you are def not alone in that feeling...i think it has to do with the fear of realizing that its truly not meant to be anymore..it sounds weird yes, but i think to a certain extent we fear waking up one day and saying, "I don't care anymore." For whatever reason the pain we feel allows us to keep hopes alive that one day we will come to our senses and make things work..now whether that's logical reasoning? most would argue no...but i know what your saying..

[JohnGalt]

Nope. When my ex fiance and I broke it off, it hurt until one day it didn't. And since that point in time, I've rarely thought about her and never in a romantic way. I was also able to find people I was more attracted to and like being around more. We were together for 6 years - every day together and I agonized over it for a long time. It was absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. Had I married her, I would be divorced right now.

[eastonweston]

Nope. When my ex fiance and I broke it off, it hurt until one day it didn't. And since that point in time, I've rarely thought about her and never in a romantic way. I was also able to find people I was more attracted to and like being around more. We were together for 6 years - every day together and I agonized over it for a long time. It was absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. Had I married her, I would be divorced right now.

 

Wow, I was my ex for 5 years - every day together. I'm going through the agony stage now. Such a withdrawal. You feel empty and void. Alone.

 

It's been 4.5 months since the breakup, but as you saw in my other thread in GBT, I reset myself.

 

Approx. how long was it for you until you were healed past the ex fiancé? I know healing is different for everyone, but I'm curious.

[beatlesfan123]

Yeah, in a way. Just to give you an insight into this crazy head of mine I'll tell you my thought process.

 

I force myself to think about the reasons why breaking up was for the best otherwise I would just be in denial it was really over, yet when I think about the negatives in the relationship it just hurts me because I invested so much into something which I'm forcing myself to think was wrong. But then I know my ex was a fantastic and gorgeous girl and we had some amazing times and can cherish the memories, and this makes me happy until I start missing them so then I force myself to think of the reasons why breaking up was for the best... basically I just go around in circles over and over until I say to myself THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. This is good but inevitable I get bored so start to think about the relationship again

[and so it goes]

Sorrow can be an addiction. It can become a way of life - something familiar, a refuge almost, a natural state of being. Being unhappy about a break up can mean you don't have to face the world or keep your act together, and it gives one permission to indulge in all kinds of bad behavior just because your "heart broken".

 

I remember one time , after a bad break up, I was having a glorious day out with some friends we went hiking and then dinner and drinking etc and then when I went to bed, it struck me - I hadn't though of my ex all day. I then I actually felt kinda bad about it....

 

Those days are gone now though

[tryharder83]

"you could be addicted to a certain kind of sadness // like resignation to the end, always the end".. i remembered a song with this. But i digress, and i'm more like how beatlesfan put it. I go around in circles too.

[InkedDragon]

Everyone has their own timeline for healing. It's natural for you to go back and forth with your thoughts and feelings. I don't believe it'll be one magical day you wake up and you just feel better. It's a slow process that happens in the background but you will see milestones some days. This should tell you that you're moving along.

 

Best wishes on your healing.

[ghost1ee]

"you could be addicted to a certain kind of sadness // like resignation to the end, always the end".. i remembered a song with this. But i digress, and i'm more like how beatlesfan put it. I go around in circles too.

 

Somebody that I used to Know - Gotye ... I listen to this song so much now lol, and what's ironic about it is that my ex was the one that told me about this song

[InkedDragon]

Somebody that I used to Know - Gotye ... I listen to this song so much now lol, and what's ironic about it is that my ex was the one that told me about this song

 

You should listen to Eamon's "I don't want you back". The other song can get depressing at times.

[bw92116]

Yes, letting the pain go away seems like something we don't want to do, because that's another step in the whole letting go process. And it means moving further and further away from it all. But... isn't not being in pain better than being in pain?

[Chalk]

A crazy part of me is scared to forget him - like when someone dies their image dulls. I want the pain to stop but I don't want to forget. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place. Eugh, this week is a difficult one.

[FreeFallFeelin]

I don't agree with the quote from Swingers really. The pain and sadness will cycle up and down, backwards and forwards, for a long time. Sometimes you feel like you're back at square one. So it's not like every day the pain gets a little less intense until suddenly the well of pain is empty. Time will dilute the pain a bit, but it's more about finding clarity, accepting how things are, addressing your issues, forgiving your self, and finding a way to move forward even when you don't want to. It takes practice and determination.

 

Movies always over simplify how life really is.

[mellie1219]

grieving over a lost love is like being on a raft on a slow moving river...every night , you fall asleep,drifting through the cold darkness..it seems to consume you at times... but every morning, you wake up...the sun continues to rise, and you realize that everyday, you are a little further away from the pain. One day, you will look back and you wont even be able to see it anymore

[eastonweston]

grieving over a lost love is like being on a raft on a slow moving river...every night , you fall asleep,drifting through the cold darkness..it seems to consume you at times... but every morning, you wake up...the sun continues to rise, and you realize that everyday, you are a little further away from the pain. One day, you will look back and you wont even be able to see it anymore

 

'Like'.

 

 

[sb8005]

I think the pain you feel is the last real connection you have to them, and letting go of it means the connection is cut. I definitely can identify with this. And swingers is a great movie. One thing about swingers though is, his character gets over his ex when he meets a new girl that catches his interest. I find that troubling, because although I will admit I see other girls, I want to really get over an ex for once without the aid of new love.... : /

[eastonweston]

I think the pain you feel is the last real connection you have to them, and letting go of it means the connection is cut. I definitely can identify with this. And swingers is a great movie. One thing about swingers though is, his character gets over his ex when he meets a new girl that catches his interest. I find that troubling, because although I will admit I see other girls, I want to really get over an ex for once without the aid of new love.... : /

 

Agreed. The pain somehow, in your mind, keeps your connected to them and you know once your pain is gone, it really is over. Kind of bittersweet.