5 months of Hell - How I've Bounced back

[skynet74]

I haven't posted in a while... but I wanted to update those who remember me. Here is a recap of my story.

 

Met my Girlfriend in 1994. Moved in together that same year. Both of us were very happy. Problem free relationship for the first two or three years. I was still going through a severe anxiety condition though. During the calendar year of 1998 I could barely leave the house. I was just getting to sick. So my girl basically took care of me. I think it started to get to her. But she hid it well. She was also upset that I didn't want to talk about marriage or kids. It's something that she wanted. But under the circumstances it was something that I was not ready to handle. This also got to her. However Christmas of 2001 I finally proposed. She accepted... but did not seem overwhemingly enthused. I think the proposal came to late. She was already falling out of love with me. Over the next couple of years the nit picking got worse. The arguments increased and she finally decided to move out in January of this year. No wedding. No Anything. I was not prepared for this. I fell apart. I begged and pleaded my case. Didn't do any good though. She still didn't come back.

 

I then found out that she was interested in a man from work who she was seeing behind my back during the tail end of our relationship. He was an alcoholic and Died in her arms from alchohol poisoning one night. Then she comes back to me and wants to try to work it out again. I now see that I was being used as a backup. At the time I just saw it as her realizing her mistake. So we got back together from March to May. I tried so hard to change anything that caused her to leave in the first place. I did a pretty damn good job too. I gave it 110 percent. Unfortunately when people say... "ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER" they may be right. She broke up with me again. Then I find out that she had met a guy at a club and went out on a date with him prior to our 2nd breakup. It became clear to me that this was not the same girl I fell in love with. She totally changed for the worse. Nothing I could say or do would change that. She just didn't want me anymore.

 

At first she wanted to stay friends. But then she took that away when she stopped taking my calls. I was pissed! The Months of May to October have been hell for me. Her and I shared One car. It was her only ride and my only ride. She took the Car from me and left me with no way to even get to the store. My Cell Phone was under her name because she bought it for me as a Christmas present. She took that away as well. She no longer paid her share of the rent or bills. She left me hanging with hardly enough money to even support myself. She knew this. But she didn't care. She turned totally selfish and no longer gave a crap about me or our three cats. She shunned them as well. No longer cared about what I did with the cats either. According to her....... She didn't want them because they would be a constant reminder of me. She did not want that reminder in her life. This girl just turned into a total A-hole.

 

Now this brings me to today. Things are starting to calm down for the first time in many months. I bought another car to replace the one she took. I got my Cell phone back and was able to keep the same phone number. I just moved into a new apartment that I can afford. I was able to take two of my three Cats with me. My other Cat is with my former landlord for the time being. Nice guy. I have some savings in the bank. I can actually afford food again. I'm getting more work as well. I've acted in a Pilot for Showtime television that was shot in my town. I've announced on a Los Angeles TV commercial and I may be hired to do some announcing work for American Express soon. So my career is looking up and my living situation is stabalizing. Things are slowly bouncing back - Post Girlfriend.

 

She thinks I may have moved to Los Angeles. However I have decided to stay on the East Coast for now. So she's confused about my whereabouts. My last contact with her was September 25th when I told her I was moving out on October 1st. She rushed me off the phone because she did not want to talk to me. Reading her book was more important than talking to someone who may be leaving forever. Now I see what 10 years together meant to her. She surprised me by calling my Cell phone on October 6th. Her Number showed up on my caller ID. I decided to not pick up. Why should I? You just read about all the crap she put me through this year. Would you have answered the phone? SO...... I don't know why she called. Chances are she wanted to know if I actually moved to Los Angeles. I guess she felt curious that day. Well I decided to let her remain curious.

 

Now I find out through the grapevine that she is in Love with a new man. However he is busy telling her that he wants to slow things down. I translate that to meaning that he doesn't feel as strongly about her as she does about him. Now I think she is trying to rush him into a marriage and having kids after only 4 months of knowing him. I also think that she is feeling a little strange with me being totally out of her life and not even knowing where I am. It's been 34 days since I contacted her. She may be feeling a little needy for the security that she once had with me. Who knows>? All I do know is that I survived this mess a hell of a lot better than she ever thought I would.

 

Now she is the one without an apartment. She is still living with the same friend she moved in with in January when she left me. She still has NO savings to get her own place. As of yesterday she literally only had $1 Dollar and 29 cents. (I have the password to check her bank account). No Marriage, No Kids, No cats. In my opinion this year has been very unproductive for her since she left. She doesn't seem to have made much progress at all. She left me..... BUT..... "I AM THE ONE WHO IS DOING BETTER"!

 

So as this year comes to a close I think her and I have both learned a lot. I still think we have more learning to do. Perhaps that's what we both needed. I do anticipate that sooner or later she will try to contact me again. I don't know if it will be strictly as a friend or if she'll be full of remorse for what she's done to me.

 

Anyway...... No matter how painful the situation is that you are going through..... YOU WILL MAKE IT TOO!

 

 

Good Luck,

 

John

[JohnnyRingo]

congradulations man. i think that story will help a lot of people who read it, give them hope. the best of luck to you.

[idontgetit]

yeah....that's so great. i worried when you stopped showing up around here, but you sound like you're doing fantastically well. now stop snooping in her account. that's no longer your business....but yeah you!! =D> =D> =D> \ =D>

[JustPlainSad]

I am actually pissed off at your post. You are borderline gloating at the misfortunes of your ex. Sure, we do not want our exes to be doing 100% "OK" after us, but to gain joy from seeing that she has under $2 in her bank account is pure wrong. This girl obviously has problems and you can see it. I gather from your words you are using her misfortunes and bad times to make yourself feel better. That is wrong, selfish, and immature. I cannot believe you would stoop so low that you checked her bank account illegally and then have the gal to gloat about how much she has. That is sad

[SuperDave71]

Hey there,

 

I understand where you are coming from..I really do. I don't believe he is being uncaring. I believe he is using teh old analogy of "What comes around, goes around" I do not know. The fact is....HE IS DOING BETTER. he is responsible for HIS LIFE...not hers. If gloating is his way of coping....let him be. I am not advising such behavior but this post is about HIM.....not her. I wish you all well.

 

PS. I am with you on the password omment though. That is really none of his business. ( and its th law)

 

 

-Be strong

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[JustPlainSad]

If it was all about HIM as you say Dave there should be no mention of how "bad" she is doing and how she is not "married" yet etc. The post should reveal NONE of her misfortunes or the issues she is face with now, if the post was truly about how far HE as come.

 

There is too much of "Well I am doing this and have done this. Where as she has not done this and is currently going through this." He is comparing himself to her. If it was really about himself, he would just speak of what he is doing and what he has done to move on and make no mention of her current situation.

[SuperDave71]

I didn't say I agree with his post....I merely stated he was telling HIS point of view. Despite the fact he is upset, hurt, ticked off and other feelings of misfortune....we should be so quick to condem him to putting down the way he feels. If I write in a blog or journal about my feelings about my ex...does that make it wrong? I don't believe it does. My point is that I agree with you to disagree with you ( to a small extent ) I can tell that he is bitter and gloating at the same time. The fact is, despite his method(s) , he is feeling better about HIS life. THis is what counts to me....the bottom line is HE IS doin better. God bless his ex...regardless.

Just my 2 cents worth ....

 

 

 

Be strong,

 

 

SuperDave71

[skynet74]

I think I am perfectly within my boundaries to fully explain both situations. Both hers and mine. I am simply painting a complete picture so that everyone understands what I've been through and where I am going. Just because I make comparisons it does not mean that I am gloating. I'm simply stating that the Ex left me out in the cold because she thought she could do better. Now she obviously isn't. I'm not taking pleasure in that fact. I am simply stating that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

 

She lied to me. She cheated on me. She broke up with me TWICE within 6 months. She left me without a Car... A cell phone and didn't even care if I had food in the house. My Rent exceeded my income. She didn't care. We had three cats which we both loved. She wouldn't even take ONE of them to help lift my burden. I've gone through 270 days of pain as I've attempted to pick myself up and move on with my life without her. How anyone can make me into the bad guy after what she has put me through..... is totally ridiculous.

 

 

 

John

[chai714]

John - I've followed your story for a while now. Seems time did a good job with you. The only thing I can say about you, is to cut off checking up on her - especially her bank account. But you're good in playing the game by having her remain curious as to your whereabouts . ..she doesn't need to know. IF she really wanted to track you down, she would, but this is yet another indication of where she stands. But . man have you come a long way. I'm glad your life is on the upswing . .. good to hear, especially from you.

[JustPlainSad]

You called yourself the bad guy, not me. She may have done all of this to you but have you realized what you did to her? You were with her for 7 years before you asked her to marry you. That is an extremely long time for someone to be in a relationship, especially considering you would not talk about marriage.

 

FLAT OUT she was wrong for cheating on you. That is horrible to do to someone know matter what happens. She is in the wrong for that. It is wrong for her to leave you with bills that you both shared and agreed to pay TOGETHER. Wrong on her part and I agree with you on that.

 

The one glaring action you did was go through her bank account. You saw the need to make it known this girl has under $2 in her account. Who cares and what does that prove? Do you go around pointing at poor people on the street? It is a shallow act to point out her financial situation considering you illegally went into her account. How does that make you look?

[skynet74]

To: JustPlainSad

 

Yes I checked her Bank Account Balance. After 10 years together you kind of know everthing about your mate. Passwords included. She still knows my ATM PIN Number. I have no advantage. Do I feel bad about this. NO! She certainly did not care if I was left without any money. So why am I supposed to care that she Now doesn't have any? She makes about $500 Dollars a week. She has no rent to pay since she's living with her friend who does not charge her rent. Her other bills don't amount to more than $600 A month. That leaves her with $1,400 a Month for Gas, Food and entertainment. She is choosing to not be responsible enough to Save any of it. In 9 months she has managed to save virtually NOTHING! It's not like she doesn't have a job and isn't making any money. I would feel bad if that was the case. However She has a steady job and is choosing to goof off with her money like an irresponsible teenager. It's not my main concern in life... but once in a while I check her balance to see if she has decided to become responsible. So far she hasn't. To quote your screen name....... That is JUST PLAIN SAD!

 

 

 

John

[avman]

This topic locked for flaming.