Are frequent burnouts a sign of bipolar disorder?

[blueidealist24]

I've had two big, strange burnouts that might have even been psychotic episodes in my life, and both took place at the EXACT same time of the year.

 

The first one was when I started a second program in college. I got through the first degree, four years, without any major problems, with honours. When I started the second program I was PERFECT right off the bat, like the best student in the class, people raving about how smart I was. I worked really hard to complete every assignment perfectly and my average was close to perfect. I started feeling sick and more tired though, around the end of October/beginning of November. My legs hurt and I felt constantly in a daze, sleep didn't help. After one conflict with a professor (she threatened to fail the whole class on a midterm because one student took the test home when they weren't supposed to), I started feeling even more tired but I compensated for it by trying to work harder and be even more "perfect." I'd even come into school at 7 am to work on assignments early. However, I felt more and more tired and sick and lost the ability to remember things. My parents started getting mad at me because I couldn't remember anything they said, and I kept asking them to repeat it over and over and accusing them of lying to me about stuff. I also developed this paranoid fear that someone was going to sue me, like my landlord in the student housing, or the college. About a week later I just "snapped" and started bawling my eyes out in the parking lot and running through a bus shelter, kicking walls. I decided to not go back to the school which my parents thought was alright since I already had one degree and I said I'd get a job. I was "insane" for about a month, bawling, spending tons of time in bed and talking about God a lot. Then I eventually returned to a summer fast food job I had since I couldn't find a good one at the time, and I paid off my student debt working at the fast food job for a year.

 

I thought I was fine, but...

 

After doing some unpaid work in an office, I finally got a decent office job. The office job was great at first, just like the second degree. I was like an energizer bunny and managers were raving about how smart I was. Then it happened again, around the middle of October, I started getting sick and tired, and got increasingly more sick and tired. I again tried to compensate for this by working harder but also sleeping more. It didn't help. I then started having asthma and panic attacks. During my last two weeks of the job, I remember hoping I'd get hit by a car on the way home, and then a few days before I quit, I actually almost had some car accidents since I was so tired I was literally driving in a daze. Just like when I was in the second degree, I couldn't remember stuff and got into fights with my parents, accusing them of lying. I thought my boss was lying to me too (well, I found out she actually HAD a couple of times), and I also got the fear that someone was going to sue me again - this time, it was my car lease company that I was afraid was going to come after me, even though I hadn't done anything wrong. I ended up resigning from the job after I went to the hospital with a panic attack, and then I found out I had used up almost all of my sick time when I got back (they told me in the beginning that I had unlimited sick days because I could make them up by adding extra days to my contract term, it was a six month contract, but then they said they were wrong about that and it WAS limited). They also wanted me to start travelling to conferences and I was in such bad shape I could barely show up and do the job as it was. I left the job in early November.

 

I was reading an article about how people who are bipolar often have episodes at certain times of the year.. and it made me think about how both of these burnouts were in the October/November range. I'm not sure if I was psychotic or not. Maybe the situations I was in both times just really sucked, since that didn't happen to me every year or in every situation. I could just have a low tolerance for people doing unfair things/being dishonest (which did happen in both situations). I'm worried that I AM bipolar though, even though I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, not bipolar disorder. I just don't want this kind of thing to happen again. It's hard to explain to ANYBODY what happened. What makes me think it could be mental illness is the suing paranoia both times, which didn't seem to be that rooted in reality.

[Jetta]

I'll admit I just basically read the title, but I wanted to suggest you go for an evaluation. Because if you think something wrong it wouldn't hurt to be checked out.

[Cheetarah]

Paranoid thoughts can accompany acute anxiety disorders.

 

To me it sounds like you do too much, too soon, throw yourself into it and burn out just as quickly. More like you lack proper coping mechanisms and need to find better ways towards stress relief, how to manage feeling overwhelmed. Of course, I'm no professional, but it doesn't sound like that kind of imbalance.

 

Are you currently therapy or taking any kind of anti-anxiety medications?

[becomingkate]

Paranoid thoughts can accompany acute anxiety disorders.

 

To me it sounds like you do too much, too soon, throw yourself into it and burn out just as quickly. More like you lack proper coping mechanisms and need to find better ways towards stress relief, how to manage feeling overwhelmed. Of course, I'm no professional, but it doesn't sound like that kind of imbalance.

 

Are you currently therapy or taking any kind of anti-anxiety medications?

 

I agree with Cheetera. My daughter has issues of anxiety and she's struggles with paranoia and burn out. I'd like to see her on a low dose anti-depressent with some therapy, but right now she's trying to do it on her own.

 

Here's part of an article I read a few weeks ago, when she called me about some stuff going on at work. She was on Zoloft for almost two years, and thought it helped; hopefully she considers using it again:

 

Treatment

 

The goal of treatment is to help you function well during day-to-day life. A combination of medicine and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) works best.

 

Medications are an important part of treatment. Once you start them, do not suddenly stop taking them without talking with your health care provider. Medications that may be used include:

 

•Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are usually the first choice in medications. Serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) are another choice.

 

•Other antidepressants and some antiseizure drugs may be used for severe cases.

 

•Benzodiazepines such as alprazolam (Xanax), clonazepam (Klonopin), and lorazepam (Ativan) may be used short-term if antidepressants don't help enough with symptoms. Long-term use can lead to dependence on these drugs.

 

•A medication called buspirone may also be used.

 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps you understand your behaviors and how to gain control of them. You will have 10 to 20 visits over a number of weeks. During therapy you will learn how to:

 

•Understand and gain control of your distorted views of life stressors, such as other people's behavior or life events.

 

•Recognize and replace panic-causing thoughts, decreasing the sense of helplessness.

 

•Manage stress and relax when symptoms occur.

 

•Avoid thinking that minor worries will develop into very bad problems.

 

Avoiding caffeine, illicit drugs, and even some cold medicines may also help reduce symptoms.

 

A healthy lifestyle that includes exercise, enough rest, and good nutrition can help reduce the impact of anxiety.

 

link removed

[Seraphim]

Look up grounding exercises. They help me a great deal.

[blueidealist24]

I started taking Cipralex, since I was given it at the hospital. I took Prozac briefly in high school, but it gave me chest pains. During my first university degree the anxiety wasn't too bad, so I took nothing. I don't feel much different on the Cipralex or off. A friend also recommended to me to try a low carb diet, since it helped him with his anxiety, and it has helped.. a little. My old supervisor from fast food said once that I seemed fine when I worked 25-30 hours a week, but as soon as I got 40, I seemed anxious and like a different person. Thankfully, I made it through there since the job was a five minute drive from my house, although I did almost faint once because of low blood sugar (this has happened a few times to me in various situations). The new job was 35 minutes away, and 40 hours a week (including lunch). I'm probably not going to commute again unless it's 30 or less hours, especially since I just started driving regularly a few months ago (had a license, but didn't drive much before, except the five minutes to the other job, and I lived in a major city for school).

 

Btw, the degree I "freaked out" during was legal - not law school, but leading to a paralegal license, so maybe that does have a logical connection with the being sued paranoia.

 

I don't think I'm so bad that I need disability, since I handled a fast food job, a retail job, and a coaching job without that much anxiety (they were all only a five minute drive from my house); it was just this one school program and this one job that were the kickers. I may not have had problems with the first degree since I lived right next to the school for most of it, while I took a bus to the other one (it was at a different school).

[blueidealist24]

Paranoid thoughts can accompany acute anxiety disorders.

 

To me it sounds like you do too much, too soon, throw yourself into it and burn out just as quickly. More like you lack proper coping mechanisms and need to find better ways towards stress relief, how to manage feeling overwhelmed. Of course, I'm no professional, but it doesn't sound like that kind of imbalance.

 

Are you currently therapy or taking any kind of anti-anxiety medications?

 

That sounds right, throwing myself into it. I was even taking work home so I could show how fast and diligent I was. I wasn't supposed to be taking work home but I'd email files to myself at home. It's funny because people think I'm lazy for quitting the job, except the people who saw me regularly while I was at it.

[Cheetarah]

Overachiever? Yeah hun, it really doesn't sound like anything other than a person who gets utterly overwhelmed and manages some stresses poorly.

 

If you are hypoglycemic and having an episode, you know they actually kind of feel like panic attacks. Pulse races, sweats, anxiety, shaky, etc. Nix the simple carbs(frequent culprits of the crash) and replace them with complex ones, they break down steadily. Split your meals into say, 6 instead of 3, 8 instead of 4. Eat frequently... And keep some hard candies in your purse(or pocket?).

[blueidealist24]

Overachiever? Yeah hun, it really doesn't sound like anything other than a person who gets utterly overwhelmed and manages some stresses poorly.

 

If you are hypoglycemic and having an episode, you know they actually kind of feel like panic attacks. Pulse races, sweats, anxiety, shaky, etc. Nix the simple carbs(frequent culprits of the crash) and replace them with complex ones, they break down steadily. Split your meals into say, 6 instead of 3, 8 instead of 4. Eat frequently... And keep some hard candies in your purse(or pocket?).

 

I am often an overachiever and a perfectionist, but also not very confident/insecure/pessimistic. I think some bosses or teachers actually notice that I have that personality and take advantage of it by overloading me, actually. My old fast food manager kept telling me I wasn't fast enough and had to go faster, but when I quit that job she told me she'd have a really hard time finding anyone as good or fast as me (I heard my replacement was fired).

 

It's weird that being an overachiever would cause me to ultimately sort of fail, like in the paralegal program or the office job, but I guess it did. I was like the runner who sprints the whole first half of the race, and can barely finish the second half.

[Cheetarah]

I was like the runner who sprints the whole first half of the race, and can barely finish the second half.

 

Exactly! You don't pace yourself steadily. Gotta save the sprints for something bigger. link removed

 

Overachievers often worry that if they do not put in 200% effort they will inevitable fail. Worse, overachievers can easily believe they are not “good enough” if they do not work as hard as possible. Consequently, “as hard as possible” often means every hour of every day, so it can be easy to see how an overachiever can set him/herself up for failure.

[blueidealist24]

That 200% thing sounds about right. In my first degree, I hung out with a lot of people who didn't really work hard so I think that "toned me down" a little bit even though I did still study quite a lot. In the second degree I hung out with a guy who was quite an overachiever and I think he had a negative effect on me since talking/working with him just intensified my traits. At a job the boss often encourages overachievement because of course they want the work done as fast and as well as possible, so it's harder to fight that when the boss is RIGHT THERE than it is at school when you're back in your room doing homework, too. I think I'm okay at retail and fast food places since I know when the day is over what happened usually is forgotten, unless there is a huge problem, but when working in a marketing office if you make a mistake it can have consequences for weeks.

 

I'm starting some unpaid work tomorrow (in marketing/fundraising) even though I'm still looking for another paying job. I just have to act normal because I don't want to "crash and burn" again.. there aren't that many places to work in this area in the field. I can't stand to be unemployed (not really even because of money but because I feel guilty for relaxing), but sometimes I can't stand being employed either because of the pressure I put on myself. I don't want to end up like my Dad, who drives himself so hard that he comes home and yells at people and throws things because he thinks he made some mistake at his workplace that day (I don't live with him though).