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Pill & Libido


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Some of you might remember a post I made a few weeks agout about a girlfriends low libido.


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I broke up with her a few days ago because of the problem, but we are currently back together...but kind of in limbo.


I hoped that after breaking up with her she would be more motivated to seek a solution...but no. All I get it "I'm sorry" I proposes counseling and even had some numbers written down out of the yellow pages but she doesn't want to do that.


The last thing I can think of is he BC pill. We discussed this before and she even went to the doctor (a big thing considering she deosn't seem to want to try any thing to fix this.)


but at the doctor she just opt'ed to talk to a nurse and never brought up libido...they just switched her 'brand' of pill from generic to name brand not the actuall pill. *note this is the behavior that pisses me off...she is like a little girl afraid to talk to a proffesiional about saving our relationship...yet she will swear on her life that she can't live with out me.


What are the odds that her BC pill kills her libido? I have done some research and found that possibly 5-10% of women lose libido because of the pill. Something with testotorone.


When I brought this up she said she would just go off of them...ofcourse she wont go to the doctor! She'll just go off of them. Is this a good idea?


I am thinking the pill might be the reason, after reading what other people have said happened to them on the pill. If she were to just 'go off them' what would be an effective BC method? Condoms spermaside.


I am worried because we currently always wear a condom and use the pill...and she still has a fear of pregnancy....of course we are not actually having sex...but if we were we always wear a condom.

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The pill can drive down sex drive for many many women. The pill for one mimics pregnancy so alters a woman's hormones, but in addition, it also prevents ovulation (the combined pill does) most of the time which does affect a women's natural sex drive to "reproduce".


Some lower dose pills have less effect, and the mini pill (progesterone pill only) does not supress ovulation (just create a barrier to sperm and prevent implantation) so have less effect on sex drive. Though with the mini pill, it is very crucial to take it at same time everyday without fail!


If she does go off pill, she may be a bit whacked out for a while as her body can go crazy, but as long as you are using condoms/spermicide, I think that it might be an option as well. Her sex drive might just return, or even if she uses another brand of pill, or another option is a non hormonal IUD or diaphragm to add some backup.


Good luck! If she is unwilling to change though, it might be more than the pill at play - it might just be she has a low sex drive anyway, or there are some emotional/stress reasons.

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Female sexual disfunction is extremely difficult to diagnose. The pill can lower a womans libido but I believe that the problem seems to be magnified (i.e. its used as an excuse). I dont believe that you can judge a females libido from the beginning of the relationship instead you have to wait till it dies down to "normal" levels. You have to remember that on the average women have a lower sexual appetitite than men, obviously there are some exceptions. You also have to realize that her libido is not only linked to her desire to have sex, it also has to deal with her emotional state. If you can find a way to increase the emotional aspects of the relationship you will find that her libido will increase.

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I have allready tried pretending things ares ok...and trying to be sweet, nice, and bring back the emotional aspect. Maybe I didn't wait long enough, but how long do you wait? I have gone 5 weeks with out bringng it up and trying to build that 'closeness' again. I am not stupid...I am quick to put my self in her shoes...not easy becasue she does not relate things to me...but I understand she can not just 'turn it on' when we are fighting. I tried to put it the issue way from us and work on the emotional aspect. After 5 weeks I concluded that it was not getting any better.


When I read girls posting that the pill is killing thier libido some of the symptoms sound very familair. But on the other hand these girls posting this say things like, "I want to 'want' to have sex." or "I just don't have any interest"


My girlfriend wont say any thing...just "I'm sorry" wtf does that mean? Does she conceede that she has no libibo? does she care? Does she know? Does she find other guys attractive?


Basicaly she either hads A) no libido or B) no libido for me



We are not really talking much now...we both know what is on our minds. Ofcourse it isn't easy for her to be turned on when we are fighting liek this...but remember this comes after many months when we were not at this point...and many opputunities when every thing was golden and she still had no interest.

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After I wrote this, I decided it was pretty dangerous advice, and that I would have a hard time following it myself. But I offer it anyway, because you are sounding pretty desperate.


You say:


she is like a little girl afraid to talk to a proffesiional about saving our relationship


If she acts like a "little girl afraid", treat her like one.


Make an appointment with a counselor and her doctor. Tell her when the appointments are and that she has to be there. When you get there you do the talking, tell them what's wrong. Let her talk if she wants to, but make sure you describe the problem so that they understand.


Bur remember her fear and don't be mad at her when you do any of this. If you can't do it without being mad don't do it. Look at it as protecting her from her fear, not making her do what she should do.

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^^^^Interesting advice^^^^


I could make the appointment with a counseler, but not her doctor. I think that she would have to do.


I am very tempted to just make the appointment with a couseller, and tell her when it is. If she doesn't want to participate then that means we can't work. Better deal with this now then just letting it drag on.

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When I started the pill my sex drive was through the roof because I was like "hey I can have sex and not get pregnant!"


Although, I do have to admit that after 2 years of taking it, my sex drive is definitely not as high as it has been... but this could also be due to the fact that I'm stressed, living in a new environment, not around my boyfriend... more than likely it's a combination of things. I would guess it might be the same for your gf.

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My sex drive went dwon almost immediately after starting the pill, i was so annoyed, my whole mood changed too and my outlook so i began to think the only reson my boyfriend liked me was for sex. I'm not on the pill now as i'm not seeimg anyone but i will definitely ask for a lower dose pill next time and hopefully that will help...


Why doesnt ur gf try going off teh pill for a wile and just using condoms beingvery careful! See if that changed anything...

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  • 8 years later...

Breaking up with a girl is not an effective way to motivate her to do anything. All it does is make her feel abandoned. Female sexuality is determined by a complicated soup of her mood, stress, self-esteem, body image, hormone levels, and yes--medications. The birth control pill can severely effect the libido for some women, though most cases its effects are not debilitating enough for women to discontinue use of the pill.


Many women on the pill experience decreased desire and vaginal dryness due to low amounts of free-testosterone in their system. The synthetic estrogen in the system which is introduced by the pill, dramatically lowers testosterone levels because the pill essentially puts the ovaries to sleep. The ovaries make about 50% of a woman's testosterone. Testosterone is the love hormone--it drives passion and desire.


Many women still have the desire to be sexual, even if their bodies aren't always cooperating, and spicing things up in the bedroom by trying new things, roll-playing, or engaging in extended foreplay go a long way towards helping the problem. Other women find commercially available lubricants to be extremely effective in making sex more enjoyable while on the pill.


However as I said before, the pill is not the only factor here. You don't sound all that supportive or understanding of your woman. If she's uncomfortable talking to her doctor about her medications, she may be embarrassed about sex, have body issues, or other emotional hang-ups. You need to get to the bottom of her psyche before you can get to her bottom. You need to make her feel safe, stress-free, and beautiful. If she's used to being pressured and made to feel less-than, or BROKEN, this is going to take a lot longer than 5 weeks. If you love this woman, you need to really step up your game and treat her like the treasure she is. When she trusts you, and feels comfortable in her own skin, she'll be much more receptive to sex. And if the pill really is the problem, she will want to find a solution so that she can have sex. But you have to get to the bottom of why she is uncomfortable with sex in the first place, and it probably has more to do with your relationship with her than it does with her birth control.


Stop pressuring her to be what you want her to be. When you accept her as she is, you'll be amazed by what she will do for you.

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