Six year old with a lying problem?

[CatAteMyFace]

To start out I should say this is my niece, not my daughter so I won't/cannot help her as much as I would like to. She is only a couple months away from being six. The problem is that she lies ALL the time. About anything and everything. One instance was during Thanksgiving dinner. She had never had yams before, and she was given some on her plate. She said she didn't like them, as all kids do. I asked her to at least try them, and she said that she would. We ate dinner (she never touched the yams) and when we were finished with her dinner, I asked if she tried her yams, to which she said "Yes." Well, I sat next to her the whole dinner and *saw* that she never tried them. You could tell by looking at her plate they hadn't been touched. By she stuck with her story that she tried them and didn't like them. I asked her to try them again for me, and I was able to get her to actually taste them. From the face she made it looked like she didn't like them, but when I asked her if she liked them, she said "Yes, I like them now." And I said, "Do you want to eat more?" She said, "No, I like them now but I'm all full." Again, it really seemed like she didn't like the yams. Why would she lie, she wouldn't get in trouble for *not* liking the yams! Why would she lie about trying them when she knew I was sitting next to her and never saw her try them?

 

On a more serious note, another thing she lies about is abuse. Now, as a rule of thumb if a child says they're being abused, I freakin' believe them! You don't want to take chances with that. And for a while my mother, myself, and my husband suspected her father abused her because of what she would say. However I also wondered if maybe my mother wasn't "leading" her sometimes to say those things, because my mother has never liked my brother-in-law. So I questioned my niece, and it was the same story, her dad sounded abusive. So I deicded to ask about other people. To my surprise, everyone in her life (she says) is abusive. Her dad, her mother, and MY mother! What! But that's not all, she also says that I AND my husband are abusive! She's only met my husband twice, both times were short and there were four other people there!! And let me tell you I am CERTAINLY not abusive to the child! I love my niece! She makes up all these outrageous stories about things that have never happened constantly. She once spilled her milk, broke down sobbing, and said that her mother threw it accross the room at her. WHAT! I was standing right there, her mother wasn't even in the room!!!! What is going on with this child? I thought her lying might be due to abuse, but now I don't even know if she's really being abused because she says *I'm* abusive too!

 

Lastly, her mother has always had a lying problem. I literally think my sister is a compulsive liar. Growing up she would lie all the time about stuff that really didn't matter.

Me: Did you take my facewash?

Sister: No.

Me: It's in your hand.

Sister: Oh, THIS facewash....

 

Another example

Sister: Can I borrow that black lacy skirt you have?

Me: What for?

Sister: I'm dressing up as Poision Ivy for Halloween. My whole work is going as batman characters.

Me: Cool. Okay.

Later....she posts pictures on facebook as herself dressed up as a witch for halloween. She didn't even work that night.

 

 

So seems like my sister is a compulsive liar. Is her daughter also becoming one? And is there any way for me to help STOP my niece from getting these habbits? I just don't know anymore. My niece lies about such SERIOUS things! (like abuse), and now she's six! What happens when she goes to school and says that stuff about her parents, or about ME! I haven't abused my niece! Is she lying about all of the abuse, because she lied about me, my husband, and my mom? I don't know anymore!

 

Is there anyway I can help my niece??

[Seraphim]

I would say that your niece needs a psychological evaluation but as her aunt you can't do anything about that. That would be up to her parents.

[rosephase]

What do you tell her when you can see she is clearly lying? Do you address it?

[Seraphim]

I would quit leading her though with questions about abuse those should be asked by the proper authorities if you feel she's being abused report that. There is a proper way to question about abuse and a not so good way. Those questions should be done by professionals.

[CeeLambrini]

I think by humoring her and asking her to try the yams "again" shows her that her lie worked. That she can say anything, and people will believe her. However, children only lie to get something they want. In that case, you offered her a way-out to eating yams, by asking her if she liked them or not. Therefore if she didn't like them, she wouldn't have to eat them. That's normal, I used to tell these lies all the time. I used to cut the vegetables up and hide them under the other food that I'd left and say I'd finished them all!

 

It only took my Grandfather telling me the harsh version of "The Boy who Cried Wolf" (He's German) for me to realise that lying might backfire on me one day for me to hesitate when I told lies.

 

But her strange obsession with lying about abuse could be deeper than just getting a kick out it. Perhaps the first time she said something about it she realised how much attention she got from it. Suddenly everybody wants to talk to her, and about her and she is on everybody's mind all of a sudden. Perhaps she is not getting the attention she really craves and finds it by lying about such things?

[CatAteMyFace]

Perhaps she is not getting the attention she really craves and finds it by lying about such things?

 

That's an interesting idea I hadn't thought of, her parents don't pay a lot of attention to her they're both young and immature and prefer to play computer games and be on youtube then spend time with her. Thanks for your input, I just wish there was something I could do to help her. Maybe I will try telling her "The Boy Who Cried Wolf".

[CatAteMyFace]

What do you tell her when you can see she is clearly lying? Do you address it?

 

Yes, I tell her that I know she's telling a lie, and that she shouldn't do that, lying is bad, etc. But as I'm her aunt I'm not in a position to really do much else. But she sticks to her lies, even when I explain I know she's not being truthful.

[CeeLambrini]

That's an interesting idea I hadn't thought of, her parents don't pay a lot of attention to her they're both young and immature and prefer to play computer games and be on youtube then spend time with her. Thanks for your input, I just wish there was something I could do to help her. Maybe I will try telling her "The Boy Who Cried Wolf".

 

Ach...don't tell her the German version. The vision of the poor boy screaming for help whilst being eaten alive scarred me forever! I also got the "real" Red Riding Hood story, and the "real" Goldilocks and the three bears. I switched it around and tell it that he was stuck in a shed where he found refuge for a few days before village people chased the wolf away and found him alive and well, haha.

[agent1607307371]

If she lives with parents who don't monitor her, and don't reward the truth, and possibly lie, then she is going to grow up lying. All kids, do, but most grow out of it.

 

If she doesn't want to do something, she'll lie to get out of it. If she doesn't want to be punished for something, she'll lie about it. Hence the yams. She didn't want to eat them and I'm really not sure why you were even pushing them so hard on her. And the milk spilling. It's pretty normal, I remember doing stuff like that when I was a kid. And my sister was worse. We've both grown up without and real personality problems.

 

That said, if she lives in a house where she would be punished for the truth (not liking the yams) then she is more likely to lie.

 

Which ties into the abuse question. She might not even know what it means, only that she's got a lot of adults asking her about things and she only gets left alone when she gives the answer they want - hence why she now says that you are abusive, your mum, your husband... At the end of the day, her dad might be abusive, but she's had such pressure on her that being able to work out her truth from a lie is going to be difficult.

[Gilson]

My oh my!!

 

The Yam thing, all kids do that. The other stuff though, where do kids get this stuff?

 

My sister called our mother two nights ago. She'd received a call from Child Protective Services telling her they received a complaint.

 

Apparently my neice told another little girl on the bus that day that "my brother came into my room late at night and touched me..." (the brother is 19). The bus driver reported it. My nephew wasn't allowed in the house for the duration of the investigation.

 

In the end, my neice told them and a police officer that she made up the story.

 

 

But where do they get these ideas?

[becomingkate]

On a more serious note, another thing she lies about is abuse. Now, as a rule of thumb if a child says they're being abused, I freakin' believe them! You don't want to take chances with that.

 

This scares me!

 

Eighteen months ago, my youngest daughter (then 13, almost 14) was enamoured with this older girl and wanted to hang out with her so bad. But the older girl felt my daughter was too "immature" and would blow her off.

 

Finally, in a bid for attention, she sent her friend a FB message about her fear of ME! She said that I scared her a lot, thought I might hit her and asked "is it normal to be afraid of your mom?"

 

I came accross the message when checking her FB (she earned privacy when she turned 14) and took it to her dad, who lost it! You see, I am her step-mom, and her real mom had actually lost custody to CPS for neglect and abuse. She was in a foster home before we got her, and a file still exists in Calgary, which is close to here.

 

We do not abuse her at all. Her dad came home from work and we had an emergency family meeting and he had to impress upon her how serious those allegations were and that if she wasn't careful, she'd end up back in foster care.

 

She still lies a bit (she's 15) but at least she understands (hopefully) that abuse allegations are extremely dangerous.

 

Good luck with your niece! Have you spoken to her mom about it?