dark angel9 Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I have been casually dating this guy for couple of months. I nearly always stay at his place when we hook up. He asked me if can come to mine on Monday after work. I said sure and gave him the directions (we are an hour drive apart). I asked him around what time to expect him...got no response. I asked again few hours later and he said that he is still trying to decide if he should come to mine straight from work or if he should go home first and then come over. He said that he will let me know the time once he decides. Isn't this weird? What is there to decide even? Is he trying to back out? I dunno maybe I am overreacting... I just don't get why he would need days to decide such a simple matter.. What's your take? Link to comment
C_Unknown2005 Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I would just ask and see why it is taking him an X amount of time to decide. Could be that he is busy or trying to make plans around you. IDK just ask the guy Link to comment
offplanet Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 He might be having second thoughts. You'll find out tomorrow, but don't text him any more. Wait and see if he turns up. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 Could what he said be the real reason? Or is it nearly guaranteed lie? He has never been flaky, nor has a habit of canceling/rescheduling. He was the one that initiated this get-together and suggested Monday night.. I guess I will find out soon enough. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 In my experience, taking this long to decide such simple plans could mean he's waiting on other plans. I've had guys do this to me before. He makes plans with me, then someone else asks him "Hey, wanna hang out on Monday? I'll see if [so and so] is free too". Then the guy tells you he's "thinking about" our plans, when in reality, he's waiting to hear back if his other friends are free. That's a really paranoid way of looking at things, haha, but I've had it happen to me a few times. I suggest just waiting and seeing what happens. If he comes over, great. If not, screw him. I hate when people bail on plans, especially if the plans were their idea in the first place! Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 In my experience, taking this long to decide such simple plans could mean he's waiting on other plans. I've had guys do this to me before. He makes plans with me, then someone else asks him "Hey, wanna hang out on Monday? I'll see if [so and so] is free too". Then the guy tells you he's "thinking about" our plans, when in reality, he's waiting to hear back if his other friends are free. That's a really paranoid way of looking at things, haha, but I've had it happen to me a few times. I suggest just waiting and seeing what happens. If he comes over, great. If not, screw him. I hate when people bail on plans, especially if the plans were their idea in the first place! Yeah, I would understand if I suggested it and he felt pushed. But it was all his idea. If he cancels this or worse, just doesn't show - we are done. I won't be disrespected. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 Also, if this was an established relationship, I would of course just ask. I have a feeling that asking will only show my insecurity. For all I know, it's perfectly innocent. I need some patience Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 Also, if this was an established relationship, I would of course just ask. I have a feeling that asking will only show my insecurity. For all I know, it's perfectly innocent. I need some patience I never understood why women have no problem getting physically intimate with someone on a casual basis but then are afraid to assert themselves when it comes to being treated with consideration for fear of showing insecurity. If this was a friend would you accept not knowing what time that person is coming over until the last minute? Would you accept not knowing what time you should be ready, leaving it all up to that person's convenience without taking into account your schedule and things you have to do? You do have rights in this casual setup and you do have the right to expect consideration for your time, regardless of whether or not this is an Fbuddy thing or if it is a prelude to a real relationship. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I never understood why women have no problem getting physically intimate with someone on a casual basis but then are afraid to assert themselves when it comes to being treated with consideration for fear of showing insecurity. If this was a friend would you accept not knowing what time that person is coming over until the last minute? Would you accept not knowing what time you should be ready, leaving it all up to that person's convenience without taking into account your schedule and things you have to do? You do have rights in this casual setup and you do have the right to expect consideration for your time, regardless of whether or not this is an Fbuddy thing or if it is a prelude to a real relationship. I agree with this, but at the same time, I completely understand why the OP won't just ask him. Like she said, it could be perfectly innocent, and he could actually just be deciding whether or not to go home first. So if she asks again, "What time are you coming over?", he might be thinking "Ugh, I told you I was thinking about it, back off". She said that if he doesn't show or cancels, then she's done with him. I think that's great. You need to have self respect and show people that you won't be pushed around. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 I never understood why women have no problem getting physically intimate with someone on a casual basis but then are afraid to assert themselves when it comes to being treated with consideration for fear of showing insecurity. If this was a friend would you accept not knowing what time that person is coming over until the last minute? Would you accept not knowing what time you should be ready, leaving it all up to that person's convenience without taking into account your schedule and things you have to do? You do have rights in this casual setup and you do have the right to expect consideration for your time, regardless of whether or not this is an Fbuddy thing or if it is a prelude to a real relationship. This is the thing. I told him that I will be home from work at 6pm and he can come from there onwards. So it's not like I will be waiting somewhere or I have other plans. I already told him that I am free that evening when he first asked. He has been respectful so far, always asks to see me at least 3 days in advance.... I am actually confident that he will either cancel or let me know the time soon. It is not like him to just "not show".... However, even if he cancels, I will be done with this. That would mean that his story about how he can't decide was a cover up and a lie. I don't tolerate liars. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I am actually confident that he will either cancel or let me know the time soon. It is not like him to just "not show".... However, even if he cancels, I will be done with this. That would mean that his story about how he can't decide was a cover up and a lie. I don't tolerate liars. That seems pretty harsh and jumping the gun to me. Why are you making such a big deal about him coming over to your place, if you've quite happily been going over to his for months with no problem? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I don't think you can automatically assume that he will not show up. It is legitimate to mull over whether to come straight from work or to go home first, change, maybe take a shower, probably take a change of clothing since he will probably be spending the night at your place. That much I can understand from his point of view..but he needs to make a decision on that sooner rather than later. Even if you will be home, there could be things you want to do but don't know if you have the time to do because you don't know what time he will show up at your door. Link to comment
minorissues Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 I think the whole point of a guy keeping it casual with a girl is so he can do whatever he wants without it being considered "shady" or having to answer to the girl he's seeing for his actions. Essentially, with a casual relationship, there is no "innocent" or "guilty." I may be a terrible person, but I will occasionally leave a friend's text unanswered if I don't feel like hanging out, or cancel a dinner with a long-time friend when a guy I like asks me out to dinner that night. If I commit to a guy, I would not think of doing anything that flaky because that's the whole point of commitment, which goes beyond friendship and casual dating: accountability. Sooooo he may be planning around you or he may be waffling about whether he feels like driving an hour or he may be waiting for his buddy to get back to him about poker night or he may be waiting for another girl to confirm their last minute dinner plans. I think if you're going to stay casual you can't really over-think things or expect anything because that's the whole "point" of casual. He may come over...or he may cancel plans to see some other girl who he will start dating tonight. No way of knowing! Link to comment
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