It's been 3 months - seem to be feeling sad again!!!!

[whattheheck]

My ex gf dumped me at he beginning of August, and was in love with someone else within 2 weeks - I put up a post a couple of weeks ago titled, "Ex Gf already talking marriage within two weeks of dumping me." I was sad at the time, and now I feel sad again.

 

At first , I thought to myself that her relationship would end because she moved so quick and fell in love so quick with her new man. But I just found out yesterday that they are still madly in love with each other, and want to spend the rest of their lives together. This info is not from my ex gf, but I found out again from an aquaintance.

 

So I almost feel just as bad as the beginning because my ex is still totally in love with this guy.

 

Deep down, I was hoping for the rebound thing to happen to her, but it looks like it will not. It looks like it will last. I also thought that since she has a good career, her new relationship wouldn't last because he is taking first year courses at a technical college. She is 27, but I don't know his age. So I guess she must really love this guy.

 

I thought I was getting stronger, but the reality of her still being with this guy for 3 months now is hurting me more than I thought. I have to realize that the rebound thing probably will not happen to her. I know I have to accept that and move on.

 

Any advice? I just do not understand why I feel very sad again. I thought I was getting stronger, but not as strong as I thought.

[hockeyboy]

did you seek out this information? if so, i would say stop. you dont need to know..it will only do this to you.

 

i think you already know what you need to do, now its just a matter of doing it. its difficult, i know. but thats part of the problem. stop trying to make yourself move on and just let it happen. sit down and do some serious reflecting. imagine that you ended the relationship, for your own reasons...and im sure there could be reasons. after that..just let things take their course, do not force anything.

 

when your sad...get happy. i know, easier said then done. but it can be done. trust me, i did it. if your down, put a damn smile on your face and go out and have fun. it will be contagious and people will like being around you. that will make you feel good inside and slowly you will move on. one day...you will wake up and realize how far u have come. i know its been 3 months for you, but it really doesnt matter, timing is just time, nothing more. i got over one ex in 3 months...another took 8 months. dont worry about it. you will be fine.

[antzca2000]

somtimes it takes more then three months for the relationship to turn sour. Look into her after 8 months adn see wat happens.

[blushes]

i dont know what advice is best to give, i do know how you feel, i felt the same when my ex married some old girlfriend from 18 years ago within 3 weeks of dumping me with no warning that things were going wrong for us until she arrived at his door, i got my info from his mother who i have not broken contact with since he left me, the girl he married has a checkered past from what they have heard and everyone is worried about him cept he cant see no faults........yet

 

only last night his mother told me that she doesnt think this is going to last

 

we live in hope.well i do

[shockeddismayed]

This is excellent advice for you whattheheck.... it's excellent advice for all of us. Especially the part of just choosing your own happiness and then letting things happen. That is the hardest thing, but it is the best way to recovery.

 

I've been trying to do exactly that.... earlier on, I was trying to "force" myself to go out and have a good time... to force myself to meet new girls and be attracted to them. Because I was forcing it, it was taking energy... making me tired, and making me think more about the past.

 

Now I am trying to just start with a positive "whatever happens tonight/tomorrow/this weekend, happens" kind of attitude. It really takes the pressure off me to "move on", and strangely enough, by taking the pressure off, it starts to happen more naturally.

 

It is important to force/motivate yourself a bit at first, but don't be afraid to allow yourself a down night... or a quiet night alone.... all of these things are part of the recovery process, and you are allowed to recover how you want....

 

What is important is that you find the right balance... break the old patterns that tell you "it's only the EX, there can be nothing else", and start realizing that the unknown future can be a positive and exciting thing!

 

This attitude will lead you to happiness... it will take a while to get there... it may only happen for fleeting moments at a time, but when you feel those moments, grab on and try and make them last.

 

A new career plan, going back to school, working out... any type of self improvement will help increase these moments.

 

I would say good luck, but you don't need it... you only need to adopt a positive attitude and good things will come to you.

 

Your EX may or may not still change her mind, but focussing on her current relationship (a negative thing) is only going to keep you farther from the attitude you need to have.

 

Tell yourself that your positive attitude could very easily attract her back... it's like a pheromone, but if it doesn't attract HER back, it will attract other wonderful people into your life. And then let it flow....

 

Positive Flow my friend.... Positive Flow.

[hockeyboy]

shockedanddismayed seems to know exactly what im talking about. we've done the same things. its almost hard to explain, its like you have to learn it for yourself. i just kinda stumbled accross it i guess.

 

let me ask you this..has there been other times in the past where youve hurt real bad and didnt think you'd get over it? so so many have been there. i know its hard to believe, but you heal. you really really do. the sooner you come to believe it, the sooner it will become a reality.

[zveric]

It's only been 3 months. You were together for like 3 years right? The exact same thing happened to me in August. No S. Only with me she had been secretly seeing him since like May.

I am actually really POd that I will probably spend a whole entire year of my life digging myself out of this hole.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling sad all of a sudden. I'll be fine for a week at a time, but if I have time to think to much... there I go.

 

There is a constant refrain behind every thought I have: I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her I miss her...

Maybe it will always be there, but it is usually quieter now.

 

Also, I think it's pretty unavoidable you're gonna hear about her and how she's doing. If you have any friends in common, and you undoubtedly do, it's gonna come up. I wouldn't hold my breath for trouble in paradise anytime soon though. It takes a while for people to get bored of each other, if they're going to.

 

Everyone is telling me it won't last, but I think there must have been an incredibly strong attraction between them for her to toss me aside, because we were really happy together. So happy I never saw it coming.

 

Your ex may stay with this guy for a year, or maybe the rest of her life.

They might get married, and then divorced. Who knows. I know my ex is thinking about marrying this new guy. There is no predicting or controling what other people will do. It is imposible.

 

I feel for you dude. I'm not gonna tell you to feel better, let her go, move on, live for yourself. If I knew how to do that I would. I'll just say hang in there, and feel better soon.

 

good luck.